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Thread: Worried Army GF...

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    wiscogirl's Avatar
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    #1

    Help Worried Army GF...

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    Hello, my boyfriend and I have been together since September. Things hit off great, I went to his MP ball in November and my happy ending came to a halt in Jan when he found out he was an alternative for deployment, by the end of the month it was confirmed he would be going on the deployment. He left a little bit after that. At first we were texting daily, facetiming or calling at least every other day -- he would be making plans for when he returns, saying he can't wait to get home to me, etc. We are coming up on three months that he's been gone, and this last week has been the worst since he's left. He's been so distant and I feel like I don't know what is "normal" in a deployment, like if he is feeling homesick and it makes it harder to be communicating so much or if he is having second thoughts about us. It's such a polar opposite of what I know from him. Monday he seemed to have recognize that he's been off and sent me a message saying he loves me, and apologized saying this has been the most difficult deployment for him and that he's sorry for taking it out on me. I thought things would be okay, and that we could go back to normal but since then I have again gotten maybe 1-4 texts a day and he says he's too busy to have a 5 minute conversation about us as he is working 18 hour days. I sent him a message on Wednesday saying "I love you" and his response was "how is your night?"..when I asked him why he was avoiding some of my messages he didn't reply until the next day, and avoiding me asking, just changed the subject.. Last night is the first time in a week that I have gotten to have a text conversation with him, but it wasn't anything like normal...was very surface stuff, as if we had first started dating.

    I don't know if any of this even makes sense as I am typing it, I'm just so lost and don't know if I explained what I'm trying to say appropriately. I am someone that overthinks EVERYTHING and he knows that, so this has really affected me more than it should be.

    Any advice? Over-reacting? Normal part of deployment to become so distant to someone you say you love and have made comments that "this must be the real thing sweetheart" ?
    Thank you
  2. Senior Member
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    #2
    Every job is different and how much they have access to things. My husbands first deployment was very rough on him. Communication from him an email a night and it was "hey, how are you? Long day here, I am going to bed." Yup that is what most my emails looked like. He was so busy. And I know he will be again in this next deployment we have.

    While I don't fully know what he is like it wouldn't pass me that he is busy and at the end of the day wants to do nothing but go to bed. My husband is starting work ups (navy here) and I know the rule that only to hear him at night and its honestly to know that he is safe. His job can be very dangerous. So, if it wasn't for my rule to know he was safe I probably wouldn't have heard from my husband that much.
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    Thank you for the response. I guess I should be happy I still get some sort of communication based on reading some of these posts, but it's just crazy to have such an abrupt change from him. It's almost like he isn't the same guy that left a few months ago, or even 2 weeks ago. I'm hoping it's just deployment talking but I don't know how to gauge anything being I've never done this before.
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    #4
    You are getting 1-4 texts a day? That's a *lot* of communication, even if they are short. Deployments generally have cycles, both professionally and just emotionally. He could be in a busier cycle, or just an emotionally more challenging cycle. Either way, the fact that he's still reaching out to you that much means he's thinking about you and trying to maintain the connection. Imagine yourself utterly exhausted, living in crappy conditions (maybe, depending on the details of deployment and service), not getting enough sleep, and super homesick. Taking even 2 minutes to grab your phone and send a quick text means getting less sleep. It's not just 2 minutes less playing a video game. It's the difference between a few more minutes of sleep, or even just time to sit quietly, when he's already sleep-deprived and exhausted. Doing that would mean you were pretty invested in someone. And your tone would probably be a bit less loving and cute and upbeat, too.

    While I can't say I 100% wouldn't be thinking about it, I'd try not to read to much in to it for now.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    Well...I have never been more blindsided. I got a text from him saying "You're a great girl but we are done" out of nowhere.

    Thank you for your help.
  6. Regular Member
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by wiscogirl View Post
    Well...I have never been more blindsided. I got a text from him saying "You're a great girl but we are done" out of nowhere.

    Thank you for your help.
    Oh wow :/ I'm so sorry

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