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Thread: How to help a friend cope?

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    #1

    How to help a friend cope?

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    Hi everyone,
    I'm looking for some advice on how to help my best friend at this point. Her husband is deployed overseas and she's been going through some difficult times. He left in October and at that time they were bf/gf with the intent to marry. He came home for a few weeks over the holiday where they got married and then he left a few days after that to go back to his ship. She's been slowly withdrawing from me ever since then and has even gotten mad at me for trying to reach out and talk to her. She is the kind of person who is used to doing things alone, but this is worrying me. I'm always the one who helps my friends and I'm so lost with how to help her that even I lose it every now and then. She will be moving overseas in a few months, so she will be with him then, but is there any advice anyone can give me on how to handle this. Or if you've gone through something similar?

    Worried BFF
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    How old is she? How long have they been together?

    I pushed away my best friend and family during DHs first year in the military and we were long distance. I was still a teenager and didn't know how to cope with the separation so I handled it all wrong. I think it's somewhat common for younger MilSOs to isolate themselves to a certain degree when their SO is gone...

    ETA
    She might be stressed out about moving or the fact that she's married and her DH isn't able to be with her.
    Just be there for her. Offer to take her out for coffee or to go to dinner. Just getting out of the house to hang out can be helpful.




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    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    How old is she? How long have they been together?

    I pushed away my best friend and family during DHs first year in the military and we were long distance-- not completely, but I did have moments when I distanced myself. I was still a teenager and didn't know how to cope with the separation so I handled it all wrong. I think it's somewhat common for younger MilSOs to isolate themselves to a certain degree when their SO is gone...

    ETA
    She might be stressed out about moving or the fact that she's married and her DH isn't able to be with her.
    Just be there for her. Offer to take her out for coffee or to go to dinner. Just getting out of the house to hang out can be helpful.
    She is 31 and they have been together for 3 years now. He has been deployed many times, but this is her first and I know it will be her first time living outside the country. Thanks for the advice. She's been very tight with her texts to me, but I'm hopeful that if I try and take her to dinner or just hang out at a coffee shop, she'll be a bit receptive.

    When you were going through your rough time, how long did it take you?
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by dhcali View Post
    She is 31 and they have been together for 3 years now. He has been deployed many times, but this is her first and I know it will be her first time living outside the country. Thanks for the advice. She's been very tight with her texts to me, but I'm hopeful that if I try and take her to dinner or just hang out at a coffee shop, she'll be a bit receptive.

    When you were going through your rough time, how long did it take you?
    Hmm... I wonder if it's the stress of moving out of the country. Just be patient and keep reaching out to her.

    It took until I got married and moved up with my husband to a new place where I was all alone for me to realize how lucky I was to have that support system back home. I was only 19 so I had a lot of growing up to do.
    Now I know to lean on my friends because they're the ones who help me get by when DH is away.




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    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    Hmm... I wonder if it's the stress of moving out of the country. Just be patient and keep reaching out to her.

    It took until I got married and moved up with my husband to a new place where I was all alone for me to realize how lucky I was to have that support system back home. I was only 19 so I had a lot of growing up to do.
    Now I know to lean on my friends because they're the ones who help me get by when DH is away.
    Thank you so much for the insight. I grew up in an Air Force family, but we didn't move around that much, so I can understand some of what she's going through. I know it's rough on her, but it's rough on me too. So I'll do my best to just be here for her when she needs me and reach out so she knows I'm not going anywhere.

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