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Thread: 8 months into 11 month deployment, suddenly very depressed

  1. Fresh Newbie
    FSTwife's Avatar
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    #1

    8 months into 11 month deployment, suddenly very depressed

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    Hi All,

    I'm new to the site. I came across the site during an internet search for deployment support groups. I will try to provide the most concise background about myself and my situation that I can without this turning into a novel.

    First, my husband and I have been together 3 years, married for 1, most of which, he's been deployed. He is the commanding officer of an FST currently deployed in Afghanistan. He is an Army reservists. This is his 3rd deployment, but my first. It is his longest deployment by far. He is a healthcare provider. They generally deploy for 3 months at a time, but, because he is the commander, he had to go for the whole deployment.

    Between us, we have 3 children. My 15 yo son (whose biological father is deceased) and his 14 and 15 yo daughters. My son obviously lives with us and his daughters live 15 mins away with their mother, his ex-wife. I see them regularly. I help giving them rides home from after school sports. They come over for dinner and to spend weekend nights. As much of a PITA it is to deal with the ex-wife, I am very blessed that she does not interfere in my relationship with their daughters.

    I work full time as a healthcare practitioner as well, 40+ hours a week. I have a cat and a dog and a house to take care in addition to our children. Myself and my children are healthy. I work out 2-3 times a week. I don't have any vices (except candy!!) I have a family that is beyond great and some pretty awesome friends. Myself and my family have a nice life.

    So what's the problem? I'm depressed as ****! It started a couple of months ago. Around the 6 month mark. At first I tried reaching out to some of the others wives. But that was difficult. His unit spans across several states. No one is close. The couple of wives I connected with seemed to not be on the same page as me. Every time I called or texted they always made it seem like everything was rainbows and lollipops. So I stopped. Then I reached out to friends. They all told me it would be over soon, that I was strong, keep my chin up and get through it. They didn't understand. So I stopped. Since we are reservists, we are not on a base. There is no neighbor, or someone close by that has gone through a deployment before to reach out to. So I'm reaching out here.

    Let me finally finish by saying things between my husband and I are good. We are not on the skids. We text everyday, I email him daily and we Skype a few times a month. I send care packages every few weeks. This is solely something going on with me. I guess what I'm hoping is that someone who has been through a long deployment before will reach out and tell me it's not uncommon to feel this way. That it gets worse before it gets better. IDK, something, anything, please. I can really feel myself struggling here. Thank you to anyone who actually made it this far in the post.

    -FTSwife
  2. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #2
    Hi and welcome to the site! We have a newbies section where you can introduce yourself as well.

    I'm sorry you are struggling. One thing I noticed is that you said you have awesome friends but you don't reach out to them anymore. Based on what they said to you I think they are trying to be there and support you. They may not know exactly what you need though - not from a sense of "not understanding" (because I am one who doesn't believe friends have to live the exact experience to offer support) but just because different people need different kinds of support, kwim? There could be someone who is going through a deployment that needs support in a specific type of way and another person going through the same deployment that might want to hear something different. I think if you reach out to your friends and let them know what you need, they will be able to help you. When DH was deployed I was by myself, I'm not the type of person to reach out to neighbors or the FRG, but my true friends stood by me and were able to provide me lots of good support. It sounds like the other wives are in a pretty good place too so I bet they could be a good resource!

    I don't think it's necessarily uncommon to feel lonely during a deployment. But if you are depressed (which again does happen) I wouldn't hesitate to reach out for help. When my DH was deployed I suffered a lot of mental and physical problems due to the stress. In addition to my friends looking out for me, I also contacted Military One Source and got some professional help and it made a huge difference. So I would definitely see about setting up an appointment if you are feeling depressed.

    My experience was that it doesn't have to get worse - it can get better! But it doesn't happen on its own.
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    #3
    It sounds like it might be time to seek some outside help. I'm sorry you are struggling.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #4
    Welcome!

    I agree, maybe it is time to seek some outside help to get you through this. Sounds like you tried to reach out but didn't get the response you were needing or hoping for? No deployment is ever rainbow and lollipops - more like broken water pipes, teenage kids gone mad and ex-wives causing chaos! Well, at least in my experience!!!! LOL!

    Try speaking to a therapist and see how you feel after a few weeks - sometimes we just need that!!!! Hang in there!!!!
  5. Fresh Newbie
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    #5
    Thanks all. I think you hit the nail on the head. I reached out but didn't get the support I was looking for. I may try Military One Source first and go from there. Thanks for listening.
    -FSTwife
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    #6
    First of all

    I have been away from the forum for a couple of days so I'm late to the party. Been through multiple deployments and it's never easy and from my experience that middle point of time can be the worst. I have always had good days/weeks and bad days/weeks. Sometimes I know it's very hard to shake the depression. I would definitely reach out and find some professional help. During DH first deployment I had a couple of really tough times and a therapist really helped. Don't delay .. you deserve to feel better!

    I'm sorry you are struggling but you will make it and it will get better.

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