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Thread: GF, not Wife...

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    alycat2375's Avatar
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    #1

    GF, not Wife...

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    My DB is Air Force and deploying soon. I really want to get involved with the support groups but I've heard awful stories about how g/f's can be treated like 2nd class citizens & shunned from meeting and such. Has anyone experienced this? Any tips for getting through it? (BC even though I'm just a g/f in the eyes of the military, im determined to know what's going on with my airman!!)
  2. Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by alycat2375 View Post
    My DB is Air Force and deploying soon. I really want to get involved with the support groups but I've heard awful stories about how g/f's can be treated like 2nd class citizens & shunned from meeting and such. Has anyone experienced this? Any tips for getting through it? (BC even though I'm just a g/f in the eyes of the military, im determined to know what's going on with my airman!!)
    It depends on the individual squadron. You can have your db ask the shirt or commander if the Key Spouse for his unit can keep you in the loop. But it is completely up to the commander as to whether gf are included. In the units I've been a Key Spouse, we've included non spouses, but only after cc approval. If the request is denied, sadly, there is nothing you can do to appeal. Otherwise, it will be up to db to keep you in the loop with OPSEC iN mind.
    I'm not Lynn, but we ARE MSOS Best Friends and MSOS Twins.
  3. Pour a little salt, we were never here
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    #3
    It's very situational. My DH deployed and no one else from his shop did. They were there if I needed them they'd have been there (and were once when the house flooded) but there were no other wives with deployed husbands or anything like that.

    ETA: I don't think made a cohesive thought. I was just pointing out, there might not be anything to miss out on, married or not. My husband was able to stay in contact with me consistently enough to let me know his travel plans, etc...but I also know his shop here is welcoming to girlfriends and becoming friends, they just don't have any sort of special deployment info or anything.
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    #4
    MF is not in Air Force but after he left for his deployment, one of the wives got me added to the FRG group. I'm not certain what the process is but maybe you could reach out.
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    #5
    I think your best bet is to ask him to get the contact information from the command and pass it on to you. He should initiate your participation, so they command knows that he sanctions your participation and wants you to be included. Beyond that, every group has different rules and a different culture (which can change significantly over time, as people rotate in and out).
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    #6
    Check out the Key Spouse program. I have been involved in several and always welcomed girlfriends.
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    #7
    Not AF, but prior to my partner's deployment he just put me on the list and I was added to the (private) FRG Facebook group and kept in the loop that way. His parents got calls with info about his homecoming and stuff, but I still got general updates, saw pictures, and was able to reach out to the FRG leader if I needed anything.

    ETA: I was never treated disrespectfully by anyone in the group. The group was actually quite low-key and there was zero of the "drama" that you always hear about. The leader was incredibly nice and helpful and I was never made to feel like a second class citizen just because I'm not married to my guy.
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    #8
    Not AF, but I relate to this. I too have heard horror stories about "only being a girlfriend". I would certainly look into their Facebook group if they have one, just because you're a girlfriend and not a wife doesn't mean you shouldn't receive updates. Also, i would get into contact with his mother/father and ask for their updates. My boyfriend is deployed but there's no Facebook group that I know of for them; so the only way I keep in up to date is via his parents. They usually know before the Facebook group anyway, and they might be a little more reliable.

    I also have found some Marine Corps girlfriend support groups, so I would search on facebook to see if theres any AF girlfriend support groups! I post in there all the time and people are more than happy to answer any questions.

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