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Thread: I just need to let this out

  1. Fresh Newbie
    HotWings716's Avatar
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    #1

    I just need to let this out

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    My fiance has only been deployed for just about a month right now - still have a few months to go! He's doing well as can be for where he is, and for being on a constantly shifting schedule at the moment. I've experienced deployments with other friends and family remembers, so I overall 'get it,' but this is the first deployment together with my fiance. For the most part, our communication ability was good - we had a pretty good schedule to talk with each other setup, until his schedule/shift started changing again.

    Honestly, most things aren't really that bad right now. I know that, I feel that, but for some reason the stress is getting to the better of me this week. There's so much to deal with, so much that's going on, and things are just building on top of one another. Just recently, my fiance and I got in a bit of an argument regarding needing to pick a new wedding date. We were suppose to get married this October, but the deployment sort of got in the way and forced us to postpone. It's upsetting, but orders are orders, and I'm marrying into this lifestyle, so I accept that there will be instances where things are out of our hands so to speak.... The venue is holding on to our rather expensive deposit and allowing us to pick a few date without any repercussions, considering the circumstances, BUT, dates are filling up rather quickly, so we have to decide on a new date sooner than later. Not a huge deal in general, but to a man who's halfway around the world on barely any sleep - BIG mistake to bring up. It wasn't so much the talk of the wedding/date being a problem.... it's was just our overall communication skills. Trying to talk to a man is one thing... trying to talk to a very overtired man... that just doesn't work, lol. I caught him at a bad time, he couldn't seem to grasp the concept of anything, I got super frustrated with him, and what should have been a simple yes or no answer, turned into this huge exaggerated argument. Regardless, he's over it - he moves on pretty quickly.... Me on the other hand...I feel like we didn't resolve things to my standards - The argument was enough to jostle me a bit and there are a few things I still want to talk out to ease my mind. Of course, I will wait to address everything at a better time, but meanwhile, it's not sitting with me well. That little argument was enough to cause me some anxiety - I'm a fixer, I like to resolve things asap, I don't like to wait, I hate being stuck in limbo so to speak, so yeah, it irritates me, it picks at me a bit, but I get it. We are on good terms so I just need to have some patience and relax in the meantime. But that's the thing with stress - I get how I'm SUPPOSE to be, but I can't seem to get my emotions to match my practical mind at the moment. Suddenly my brain is in overdrive, overthinking everything... What if he is mad at me? What if he's sick of me? What if he doesn't want to marry me now? Is this all a mistake considering our communication sucks?? - like come on.... Again, I know better, but why can't I believe myself right now?

    Regardless of that, my job has been extremely stressful lately. We have a lot of huge reviews that we are currently undergoing, and everyone's asses are on the line. I'm not worried about my position, but it's just the hustle and pace of things lately - so much to do, it's constantly move move move. I come home and my work isn't over... I'm sure a lot of you understand how that is, lol.

    To top it off, I'm pretty sure my grandfather is dying. No one wants to quite say exactly that, but he's 94 years old and he's suddenly in a rapid decline. I mean, what do you expect from someone that age?? But still.... it's not easy to deal with. In fact, he fainted today and was rushed to the hospital. I stopped by to check on him, but I am going out of town tomorrow morning, and couldn't stay nearly as long as I wanted. I did one of those "I love you goodbyes" just in case it's the last time I see him.... My fiance is really is close to my grandfather too, and I haven't told him anything about grandpa's decline in health. My grandpa always told me that he was only hanging on to see us get married, and joked that we needed to do it soon so he can keep his promise to us, so considering how things played out, it's weighing on my heart. I pray everyday that we get our wedding plans back on track, that our family and friends remain in good health. I just hope he makes it till then. I know it's a lot to ask, but it would just mean the world to everyone. I'm not holding my breath though and I have that sinking intuition that is telling me to prepare for the worst.

    I'm just so incredibly drained today. My strength and independence is shot to hell. All I need right now is just to be in my fiance's arms. There's just something about his touch that makes me feel really loved and safe, and I could really go for that... When he's here, I know everything is going to be ok... but he's not here. The stress of everything is giving me a negative shadow on things right now, I'm worried about our fight, I'm worried about our wedding, I'm worried about him and is squadron in general, I'm worried about work, I'm worried about my grandpa and my family.... The list goes on and on. It's like I'm suddenly so shaken up, I feel like I can't wrap my head around anything at this moment. I'm a bit embarrassed to be feeling this way, because I've always been the type of girl that can hold things together. I've always been the rock. I'm smart and sensible... but right now I feel so incredibly stupid and scared. It's ridiculous.

    Yeah, always I miss him when he's away. But I really miss him today.... I just feel lost without him right now.



    (sorry - I just really needed to get all that off my chest. I am stressed, and I need to acknowledge that I am just stressed - gah! I'll be ok. Things will be ok. I know I just need to be positive and take things one step at a time.)
    Last edited by HotWings716; 06-07-2016 at 08:45 PM. Reason: clarification
  2. Senior Member
    kw1214's Avatar
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    #2
    First of all It's very difficult to deal with stress when the one person you can count on is not physically here - those hugs do help! We all have days that hit us harder than others and we miss them so much more on those days.

    It sounds like the wedding situation was resolved, he moved on but you held on to it. I say - you need to move on to the next phase and forget the argument. You said it yourself... he's tired, grumpy etc. Rehashing it in your mind is only going to leave it unsettled - why do that to yourself? Sometimes taking a break and revisiting the conversation is best. Sure, places are filling up quickly but it's not the end of the world... you two will find a date and a location - you don't want this to drive a wedge between the two of you.

    I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. I'm sure that is putting a lot of pressure on you about your wedding date, but you can only do so much... when it's his time, it's his time and you can't feel guilty that your wedding might not happen in time. My advice would be to tell your DF about his rapid decline so if something does happen it won't be a shock to DF. Just because he is deployed does not mean he doesn't need to know about life's up and downs back home!

    Job stress is hard, no doubt. Take one day at a time. Remember to take some time for you to de-stress! We all have days that hit us a little harder than others - deployment is great for that! Sometimes writing it out like you did here helps... or talking to a friend or family member. Just remember this is temporary.... and he will be home and that first hug is amazing!!!
  3. Senior Member
    Curious_Nicole's Avatar
    Curious_Nicole is offline
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    #3
    Wow .... the world is dumping on you. I have been there an know exactly how you feel.

    First off, take a chill pill on your fiance. He has said nothing, from what you say, that should make you feel insecure in your relationship. You had an argument, everyone does, and it's done. He is getting 500lbs of shit dumped on him. If it's not resolved in your mind then that is something you need to deal with yourself. He has said nothing to indicate he doesn't love and care about you. Move on loving him.

    Job stress is just that job stress. For me it always seems to hit at the worst time personally. Take some deep breaths when you walk into work and tell yourself you will conquer the problems and deal with it. I know ... easier said than done.

    I'm sorry about your grandfather. I recently lost a grandmother who I was very very close to and I know how hard that is. Try and be happy you were able to have him for so long. Make time to be with him now; that's important. I think I would tell DH of his decline. If your grandfather declines even more rapidly and would pass away I think you risk DH resenting the fact you didn't tell him. Yes that's hard on him, but while I try and not dump every home issue on DH, there are some home front issues that need to be communicated.

    Good luck!

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