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Thread: Is It Normal?

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    #1

    Sad Is It Normal?

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    My S.O. just left for his 7 month deployment on Wednesday (June 1st) and I am missing him like crazy already. I am already preparing my first care package to send him for his birthday in August, as well as planning my trip to Virginia to welcome him back in January. Is it normal to do all of this stuff this early in the deployment? I'm doing everything I can to keep myself busy and not constantly thinking about him but it's not working that well, as what I end up doing is preparing.

    Also, is it normal for them to completely stop talking to you right before a deployment? Because he never contacted me like I hoped he would before he deployed out. I wish I knew the answers to these questions myself, but I don't because this is my first deployment experience.

    I just miss him so much...
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    #2
    People cope in different ways. He just left, it is normal to feel a wide range of emotions. I don't think that any of what you're doing is inappropriate or abnormal. Your emotions will settle down over the next few weeks and it will be easier to shift your focus to things other than his homecoming.

    At what point did he stop talking to you? I've only been through 1 deployment with my SO, but my experience was that he was able to have his phone and he texted me up until they were about to board, then called me right before he got on the plane to say goodbye. But, every deployment experience is different.
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    #3
    Everyone has a different version of normal. We all do what we can to get through this time. As far as pre-deployment goes, it's typical for them to get quiet, pull back a little and things can be pretty tense. I think it depends on your relationship - I couldn't imagine my DH not contacting me right before he left etc. But again, everyone has a different version of normal.

    Keeping yourself busy is the key to getting through this. Making plans is great - just remember you can't always count on a return date so be careful in making too many plans for his return. I too find pleasure in making my DH care packages... I know he appreciates them as well. Remember, the more you occupy your time the faster this will go by!
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    #4
    There is no normal. There is no standard pattern of behavior. Knowing him, do you think the lack of communication matches his personality?
    How long have you known him?
    Been dating him?
    Have you met him in person?
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    #5
    As other posters have said everyone has a different "normal". Having been through multiple deployments my experience is that pre-deployment was the worst phase for both me and DH. I always senses a pull back from DH, although he never totally stopped communicating. Many times I sensed he almost felt guilty leaving and just clammed up. Again, what's normal for us may not be normal for the two of you.

    Trust me the dust will settle and you will get your emotions in check. I'm not sure about the Navy but I would be cautious planning travel this far out for a homecoming. At least for the AF dates are subject to change and will often.

    Hang in there
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    There is no normal. There is no standard pattern of behavior. Knowing him, do you think the lack of communication matches his personality?
    How long have you known him?
    Been dating him?
    Have you met him in person?
    Everyone finds it crazy, but I've only known him for 6 months and we've been together for 5 of them so far. The day I met him I felt something and then the day he asked me, I hesitated a little as it was too soon, but I said yes. Best decision I had ever made, he makes me feel so amazing and loved.

    Since he is in the Navy, I hardly ever get to see him as their are 1,300 miles between us normally. I've seen him twice in person.

    He told me to text him and I did, but I never got a reply back until a week later with him saying "Hey whats up sweetie". The is the last thing I heard from him. I know being a Petty Officer Third Class for the Machinist Mates is a very time consuming and demanding job for him, and I am used to the silence because of his position. I just thought, that since he won't hear my voice for 7 months and how much he loves to talk and comfort me that he'd call.

    As for his homecoming, they are saying that their job is expected to be complete by New Years Day. I don't have anything prepared because I am driving down there, so I won't be doing any of those type of preparations. I've just been making the Welcome Back sign that I'll be holding up when his carrier arrives. I am also already prepared to be down there for two weeks if need be. I didn't get to see him off, and I want to make sure that I will definitely be down there when he returns. His parents can't, because his mom is sick. But I want to be there so he has someone there waiting for him, and we can have that special moment.
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    Quote Originally Posted by snordwall View Post
    He told me to text him and I did, but I never got a reply back until a week later with him saying "Hey whats up sweetie". The is the last thing I heard from him. I know being a Petty Officer Third Class for the Machinist Mates is a very time consuming and demanding job for him, and I am used to the silence because of his position. I just thought, that since he won't hear my voice for 7 months and how much he loves to talk and comfort me that he'd call.
    If a guy I was dating didn't text me for a week and then just did a "hey what's up" and ghosted again, I would be very fucking pissed. Pre-deployment doesn't excuse shitty behavior. My guy was very busy, stressed, etc., yet he still managed to find time to text me at the very least. Maybe the Navy is different from the Army, but I just think it's not nice of him to have done that to you. If he didn't expect to be able to contact you in the week leading up to him leaving, he should have told you so. Next time y'all talk, perhaps you could have a clear discussion about what exactly you can expect in terms of communication for the length of the deployment.
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    #8
    Like others said, there is no normal, however I can't even imagine DF not contacting me before he left on a deployment. To me, that is completely unacceptable behavior to not call and tell me goodbye or send a text at the very least. I would be so incredibly hurt. Also, not responding to a text for a WEEK without a solid reason would not fly with me.
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    #9
    I don't think it's common, and I know in my relationship and based on my definitions of respect, it would not be acceptable. I'd likely email him and tell him I was really hurt and that I needed to hear from him ASAP, and if I heard nothing for a few days or *maybe* a week, I'd be out. That's a really,r early awful choice. And yes, it was a choice. Any BS he may try to feed you about how he was busy and blah blah is just excuses. He absolutely and 60 seconds, at some point to send you a text. Of course he did. He chose not to. You weren't a priority. I'm sorry.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Allybeth View Post
    Like others said, there is no normal, however I can't even imagine DF not contacting me before he left on a deployment. To me, that is completely unacceptable behavior to not call and tell me goodbye or send a text at the very least. I would be so incredibly hurt. Also, not responding to a text for a WEEK without a solid reason would not fly with me.
    All of this. While everyone copes with deployment in their own ways, pre-deployment is NO excuse to not contact you. DB stayed very much in contact with me the week he was supposed to leave, and called me the night before. Not hearing from him at all would have been entirely unacceptable, and it sounds really shady that your SO did that to you.
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