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Thread: Just looking for some support

  1. Old Newbie
    HeartsDeployed's Avatar
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    #1

    Just looking for some support

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    My DB is deployed right now and comes home at the end of September (counting down the days). We had a bit of disagreement last night/long conversation in regards to my emotional needs. He made a point of saying that our main forum for communication is Facebook messenger and doesn't convey tone which leads both of our messages to get misinterpreted at times. So sometimes he is offended/upset with what I've said because he's taken it the wrong way and vice versa. It just really clicked for me. I just need some support making it through this deployment. This is our second deployment together and it just seems much more difficult than the first, and I miss him so much. Other than coming on here for support, finding time for myself, and getting support from family do you guys have any other suggestions? I don't really have friends that I'm connected with their. Are there any tips/tricks/suggestions that you guys have for those times when you're in a funk and need to just brush it off? My problem is that I don't brush it off, rather I let it steep in and come to something bigger and I don't want to do that anymore. He's right, communicating over Facebook messenger isn't really helping.

    Side note: We talked on FaceTime once for about 4 hours, it was amazing. Granted there's a 10 hour time difference and it was 2 am and I was exhausted the next day but I'm going to suggest that maybe we try do to that more often, even if not for so long lol. It was so nice to hear his voice and see his face in real time v. a picture and hear him tell me "I love you."

    Thanks all!
  2. Regular Member
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    #2
    My tip for staying out of a funk is to be physically active. Doesn't have to be hardcore exercise, just a brisk walk can help! My other tip is, if you feel like you can't take it anymore reach out to someone - mom, sibling, friend, aunt, grandma, his mom, WHOEVER seems available and you feel comfortable talking to. Maybe text them and be like "Hey, I'm having a hard time with my partner being deployed and really need to talk about it, can I call you and vent tonight?" I'm not a very "reaching out" type of person but deployment taught me that you can't go it alone and brought me closer to one of my girl friends in particular. We talk so much more often now about lots of other things and it's made my life a lot better!
  3. The name says it all!
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by ziah View Post
    My tip for staying out of a funk is to be physically active. Doesn't have to be hardcore exercise, just a brisk walk can help!
    So much this! I hope you feel better soon!

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.




  4. Pour a little salt, we were never here
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    #4
    If he's got internet, he can get a google phone number and call you from his computer. I talked to my DH everyday on the phone while he was deployed. Other than that I found exercise, dog snuggles and finding a hobby good. Staying busy doesn't work for me, but it's the most frequent advice given. The first month we was gone I filled out a "what I love about you" book which helped keep my feelings towards him really positive when we would talk.
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    #5
    I get into these "funky" times and usually if I can I give into them. I spend the day in bed binging on Netflix and just kind of wallowing. Then I force myself to get back to life and I feel somewhat better. Everyone is different though so it really is just going to find out what works best for you. I also don't reach out very well which is probably why giving in is what works best for me. I don't have any one that I'm close to that understands what I'm going through so I think it forces me to just not reach out to anyone. I hate the typical responses I get when I have tried in the past. But like I said, finding out what works for you is going to be key. If you ever need an ear to listen, I'm here!
  6. Senior Member
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    #6
    Exercise certainly does help! I find that it helps with depression along with frustration! I think everyone gets in a funk once in awhile - but it's how you pull yourself out of it. Deployment is a time when we truly realize we are individuals.... separate from our spouses and so's! This is your time to do YOUR thing.... new hobbies, projects studies....

    The time difference is very difficult, I understand. Perhaps you can schedule a phone call 1x a month or twice a month and that might help with any "mis-understandings" through messages. I know you can now call through messenger as well. Face Time is our choice for conversations - we've been very lucky with internet access and have found a schedule that works for us.

    Each day is a new day - fresh start.
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    #7
    My DH and I try to stick to a schedule to Skype (our preferred method cause we have Android). The schedule doesn't always work but we both know the conversation is scheduled so we work towards making it happen. We don't use social media so I don't know anything about Facebook but I don't burden my DH with constant text messages, like I might when he is home, that might make him feel a need to respond. I will occasionally (very occasionally) just send him a quick "I love you" text which we have discussed I don't expect a reply. It's just one of those "I was thinking about you" moments.

    Everyone in this situation gets in a funk now and then. Exercise is a really good therapy for me. Also communicating with others in the same boat always seems to help. Usually my funky periods fade relatively quickly if I pick myself up and get going. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself just makes matters worse.

    Hang in there!

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