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Thread: First Deployment With My Marine...Communication Advice?

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    #1

    Hello First Deployment With My Marine...Communication Advice?

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    Hello!

    I have been with my marine for 4 years now and we are pretty used to the LDR thing. He joined 2 years ago and just left for his first deployment yesterday morning on the USS Boxer (don't worry i've read everything about OPSEC ...Is anyone else just starting off a deployment and would like to become buddies or know what I should expect as far as communication??? Also will he be using the same mil email he has previously used? Pre-deployment was the absolute WORST so part of me is relieved to start this new phase and the other part cannot stop checking for emails.

    Boot camp and schooling right after for 9 months was difficult, but I had an amazing group of fellow milsos to help me through it. Unfortunately, the majority of them are no longer with their SO and my "other" friends just don't understand. It has only been a full day and you can't imagine how many times i've heard "don't be a Debby Downer he is coming back eventually" at my refusal to want to go out right after receiving my last phone call from him.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by MaritzaM View Post
    Hello!

    I have been with my marine for 4 years now and we are pretty used to the LDR thing. He joined 2 years ago and just left for his first deployment yesterday morning on the USS Boxer (don't worry i've read everything about OPSEC ...Is anyone else just starting off a deployment and would like to become buddies or know what I should expect as far as communication??? Also will he be using the same mil email he has previously used? Pre-deployment was the absolute WORST so part of me is relieved to start this new phase and the other part cannot stop checking for emails.

    Boot camp and schooling right after for 9 months was difficult, but I had an amazing group of fellow milsos to help me through it. Unfortunately, the majority of them are no longer with their SO and my "other" friends just don't understand. It has only been a full day and you can't imagine how many times i've heard "don't be a Debby Downer he is coming back eventually" at my refusal to want to go out right after receiving my last phone call from him.
    to MSOS!

    I dated a military guy through a deployment and felt the same about the time leading up to the departure. Once he left, I felt like I could go on with my routine a lot better because I wasn't dreading him leaving. The dread was way worse than the actual separation, IMO. But now that he's gone, you'll eventually become used to the new normal and it'll get easier with the time passing.

    As for the bolded... I wouldn't go so far as to count your "other" friends out. Just because they don't date someone in the military doesn't mean they can't understand or relate to you. Saying that they "just don't understand" and limiting your friendships to other military SOs is really only hurting yourself in the end. I wouldn't reduce your friendships and connections at a time when you should be reaching out to others and even reconnecting with old friends. Don't hold yourself up waiting for a phone call, text, skype, or email, either or let it get you down when you don't hear from your SO. Trust me. You'll find yourself disappointed and feeling lonely more often than not, because that's jut the way it works when it comes to deployments. Communication with your SO is hard but if you figure out a schedule/communication plan that works best for you both, it'll start to get easier.
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    #3
    Pre-deploy was the worst part for me and my guy too. There was a few days that he barely talked to me because he was so busy.
    For the first 1.5 months we had scant communications. For the first week he texted a little while he could and then it was another month or so before I got an email from him. We like doing emails because there are no expectations of when and where you will be when he calls. I write to him almost every day. And when he can he writes back and says even if he can't write every day he appreciates reading my emails.... I'm guessing your guy would too! We use personal emails not his work email for these communications.
    If he has internet skype chats and video chats would be nice. There's also care packages and letters and other things you can send to him.
    As for friends, I find it is best to keep the more emotional comments to myself. Every so often I will tell my best friend that I miss DF. But most of the time they don't wanna hear it. I guess it might make them feel like their company isn't good enough when you're out with them but you can't stop talking about him lol. But trust me I understand the feeling completely.
    Try to enjoy yourself when you're out with family and friends and write to him about it. I do this and he enjoys reading that I'm doing well and enjoying life. After all this is what he is fighting for. I also make sure to include him, saying that I missed him there or we discovered a new spot with great food that I want to show him when he's back. I also write to him about new movies coming out and ask him which he wants to see and he tells me which ones are reserved to see with him. << little things like this. Whatever works for you and your guy. Like you said, you're used to LDR so I'm sure you guys have good communication.
    Hang in there! It will be over soon! If you need a buddy feel free to Skype text me or message me here
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    #4
    Hey Yeah definitely don't stay home when you have a chance of going out or something like that if you're waiting for his call. My DH was gonna call 2 hours ago... still nothing. And we still are able to fb message almost every day. It would just run your whole life if you're gonna be always waiting, you know?
    I'm sure you'll be fine and being sad for a little bit is okay, too! I do know what you mean when you say the "others" don't really get it... I've heard anything ranging from "wow that's an awfully long time!" to "psh, that's not even that long. It will be so easy." That person, I wanted to punch in the throat.
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    #5
    I have almost no military friends, and my civilian friends are a great support system.

    I think sometimes, when there are comments from friends and family about not being negative, or about "this is what you signed up for", or other frustrating remarks, it can be because the person is so focused on the negative. Your loved ones don't want to see you in a relationship that makes you miserable, and if the only side you are really showing them is the miserable side, they are going to be less supportive. I find that telling them I am struggling, but focusing on how I am going to fix it, gets a much better response. If they think that everything is misery and unhappiness, they are going to make comments about your negativity, and it is going to make them less supportive of your relationship.

    And some people don't know exactly what to say, especially because the right thing for you might be the absolute wrong thing for me. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt, and recognize that they are coming from a good place, with good intentions, even if they miss the mark terribly.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #6
    I agree, pre-deployment IS the worst. I think the first week of deployment is rough for me too just trying to get into a new routine etc. I feel like I am living in two different time zones currently - here and "there". My phone or iPad are now on his side of the bed.... constantly checking for messages, emails etc. We have been lucky with great internet so FT is very frequent.... which is why I say I live in two different time zones!!! I'm exhausted, but I also enjoying "Seeing him" and talking pretty frequently so I won't complain!!!

    We are about a month in - which means I have a new routine, over the crying and extreme sadness (although sometimes I do have those moments where I could cry out of the blue) I'm busy planning care packages... kids keep me busy and... we got a new puppy right before he left which has been an AWESOME distraction for me! The neighborhood where I live are a couple retired military families which have been a great support for me.... came home from work to find the snow had been shoveled by a retiree! Made my day! I don't have many military friends - my friends don't really understand, but they do try! I think too that people don't know what to say because they can't grasp it... they simply can't relate. It's funny how you can be in a room full of people and still feel "alone". For me, during deployment I feel like a piece of me is missing and people just don't get that!

    Something fun DH and I are doing this deployment is the biggest loser challenge! We both have put on a few pounds due to some stressful times this past year... so we are using this deployment to see who can drop the most weight and get into shape! We will reveal the new "us" at the end of the deployment!!! This seriously limits what I can send in care packages... LOL! Only "healthy" snacks can be shipped! It's been fun so far!

    You'll get through this - we dig deep and find our inner strength!!!
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    Yes! Everything you said is exactly how I feel lol I've finally had some contact with him but there's no chance of FT or Skype or anything like that. Just emails through his military email and I'm anticipating my first phone call on Sunday.

    I think I didn't make myself clear in the first post..when I said "other" friends I didn't mean to degrade them at all I just wanted to refer to my friends who are not in my situation...which is literally everyone around me lol my best friends have been my friends since high school and college and they have known me before I started my military relationship. I guess I was a little upset in my first post because my best friend has seen all of the ups and downs of long distance but shes never been in a serious relationship and says mine gives her whiplash..shes referring to the happiness when he's home and then the loneliness of being apart..she's the type to say "just get over it he will come back eventually" when sometimes you just need a hug and for someone to say "hey we don't need to go out and get drunk we can catch a movie instead"..I don't know if that makes sense? (We are in our early-mid 20's)

    I don't throw a pity party and say no to going out to do stuff but I'm just not interested in binge drinking, clubbing etc. especially not the first night he's gone! which is what my friends were doing when I wrote the post..my friends in serious relationships are a lot more understanding but tend to spend their free time with their SO since we are all in the midst of establishing our careers and are very busy Monday-Friday..anyways enough of my woes, thank you all for your input and I hope everyone has a great weekend!
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    Thank you so much! You are right about the last part and I definitely have to grow a bit of a thicker skin when it comes to some comments from people who don't really know what it's like..it's not their fault after all and I shouldn't expect everyone to understand!
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by MaritzaM View Post
    Thank you so much! You are right about the last part and I definitely have to grow a bit of a thicker skin when it comes to some comments from people who don't really know what it's like..it's not their fault after all and I shouldn't expect everyone to understand!
    Yes but they shouldn't expect you to go out when you just need some time alone too.
    My best friend is like yours. Sometimes I just want her to really understand how I feel but she just tells me I'm too upset for nothing. I can't help feeling bad because a piece of me is gone with him on deployment. But after a while I realized that it's not that she didn't understand how I felt, she didn't know how to comfort me. There's nothing she can do because it's him I miss. So when I stopped talking about how sad I was, she was able to connect with me more. And we kind of got back into a normal groove. << hope that makes sense.
    Also, I don't like clubbing and parties either so I would suggest other things to do like watching a movie or go shopping and have lunch. She usually agrees. Maybe your friend would too?
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    #10

    First deployment Blues

    Hey there, this is also my first deployment experience with my Marine SO, Except our story is a tad bit more complicated, We met online just about 3 months prior to him deploying, I'm from Michigan, he is normally in North Carolina, we've never actually met face to face, we've talked on the phone,Skyped, and texted since day one. its one of those like relationships where we fell for each other like 2 teenagers falling in love for the first time. I was sapposed to Fly down the monday after mother's day. But the Wednesday prior to my flight he got his orders to leave that same Friday. My prior relationship was with a Marine as well but him and I had been together since Jr High. but every time he deployed i wasn't a complete freaking Wreck like I am With this one.
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