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Thread: Our first Deployment...

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    #1

    Our first Deployment...

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    My SO left very recently for her deployment which for me, means we drop suddenly, from spending every day together, sleeping in each others arms every night and sharing a life together… to sharing a life together through rare emails, calls, handwritten letters, and endless “I miss yous”

    My chest physically hurts like there is a hollow spot she use to fill that aches for her now. Everything reminds me of her and I’m trying my best to stay strong. She’s worth every second of the wait and every moment of pain, but the longing I feel to be back in her arms is already so overwhelming.

    I'm trying really hard to stay focused on our goals and looking forward to the emails and contact when I'm blessed enough to have it, but I started crying and it feels like I can't stop. It just hurts and I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to that can /really/ sympathize. So any words from anyone will truly help.

    Thank you,

    Lolita
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    #2
    I feel exactly the same. DF has gone on his first deployment with me (first for me not him) and I miss him dearly. Recently I've heard from him and they're extending his deployment. I was crushed, but I needed to stay strong for him and cheer him up. All I can say is the time will pass. Slowly but surely it will pass. And eventually you can look back on it and see how much closer you became because there is no physicality involved and you can talk. I kind of think of it as a test of our relationship. Or maybe that's how I have to think of it to get through. Anyway if you need a buddy feel free to message me. Hang in there!
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    Thank you! I think you're right, it's definitely a challenge for the relationship and I know in my heart we will make it through this and be stronger on the other side of it together.

    What I'm finding most interesting is how the pain of being away from each other is really showing me how important she is to me and how incredible this relationship we share is. I have to keep holding onto that part.

    Question, have you felt a slight lack of interest in your hobbies?

    I've been trying really hard to stay focused on my goals with my painting and drawing and ballet, but I am kinda stuck in this "I don't want to do any of that" sort of phase. It's really hard to force yourself to go do things you don't want to do...

    I'm so sorry to hear his deployment was extended. I imagine there was some anger in finding that news, I know for me that's one thing I really cannot stand with being active duty... always with the changes and 99% of the time, never for the better and always last minute. It's hard to have such an unpredictable situation like that. We experienced that too when she had to leave a few days earlier than expected. We felt... robbed and at the same time, helpless because really... what can you do. Nothing, just lift your chin, accept the change and move through it together.

    I have another question... when you feel the hard cry coming on, do you allow it, or try to control it?

    I can't decide if I should be letting myself /feel/ and cry so hard or if I should be trying harder to work through things logically.

    Sigh....

    I'd love to be buddies, for sure! Please feel free to write or just message here. I'll certainly be checking this often... helps me feel connected to something /almost/ close to her. And that really does help.

    Thanks!

    Lo
  4. The name says it all!
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    #4
    I can tell you when my husband deployed, I allowed myself to ugly cry for a while, but I knew I couldn't just lay there and cry. We had a 4 month old to take care of, so I got up, washed my face, and took care of business. If you need to cry, let it happen, but don't let it consume you. It's hard, but you can totally get through this. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk.

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.




  5. Senior Member
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Lolita View Post
    Thank you! I think you're right, it's definitely a challenge for the relationship and I know in my heart we will make it through this and be stronger on the other side of it together.

    What I'm finding most interesting is how the pain of being away from each other is really showing me how important she is to me and how incredible this relationship we share is. I have to keep holding onto that part.

    Question, have you felt a slight lack of interest in your hobbies?

    I've been trying really hard to stay focused on my goals with my painting and drawing and ballet, but I am kinda stuck in this "I don't want to do any of that" sort of phase. It's really hard to force yourself to go do things you don't want to do...

    I'm so sorry to hear his deployment was extended. I imagine there was some anger in finding that news, I know for me that's one thing I really cannot stand with being active duty... always with the changes and 99% of the time, never for the better and always last minute. It's hard to have such an unpredictable situation like that. We experienced that too when she had to leave a few days earlier than expected. We felt... robbed and at the same time, helpless because really... what can you do. Nothing, just lift your chin, accept the change and move through it together.

    I have another question... when you feel the hard cry coming on, do you allow it, or try to control it?

    I can't decide if I should be letting myself /feel/ and cry so hard or if I should be trying harder to work through things logically.

    Sigh....

    I'd love to be buddies, for sure! Please feel free to write or just message here. I'll certainly be checking this often... helps me feel connected to something /almost/ close to her. And that really does help.

    Thanks!

    Lo
    I suppose losing interest in the hobbies comes with depression while they just left. It will be about a week or so before you get your bearings and adjust to them being gone. During this phase I just cry and let it out ( at home of course). During this time I looked at old messages I had from DF, happy messages and I would just cry.
    After the initial phase I forced myself to go out. I scheduled stuff all day so that I would go out and distract myself and get exhausted so that I could go to sleep at night. After about a month or so we had established communications and all that and I knew he was okay so I was adjusting more. And here I am now, fully adjusted, still happy that I am with DF and I have more perspective now. I just try to stay positive no matter what because he always has it worse than me, he's the one that is just as upset about missing me but he doesn't even get to be home. I do. I can write to him every night from the comfort of my own home. Before he left, he told me I am his support system, and I fully intend to be.
    You're right, there is nothing we can do but accept the change and get through it together.

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