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Thread: First Deployment, Very Lonely

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    #1

    First Deployment, Very Lonely

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    My husband left a couple weeks ago for deployment. He's a Reservist, so his deployments are shorter than most, but it's still my first deployment and 4 very long months from my perspective. We just moved to the Whidbey 6 months ago and I don't have much in the way of friends here. I don't like to journal, and I already tried. It's just not helpful for me. What else have people found that helps the cope?
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    #2
    Welcome! My husband is at basic right now, so I haven't been through a deployment yet. But what has helped me was staying busy. I organized a lot of things, cleaned the things that you usually clean once in a blue moon, he has a Camaro he is restoring so I did some of the upholstering on that, and did DIY projects I've always wanted to do. If you have nothing to do ask a friend or family member to get together. Once I started filling my days with things like these, I realized how fast the time was going. You can do this!
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    #3
    Hi! Thanks for the ideas. I was thinking about making him a quilt. I work full time, so I'm okay when I'm at work. But I find the evenings and weekends really difficult. I lived with my parents until I moved in with him in October of 2014, and even then we lived 15 minutes away from my parents. And then in July, we moved 10 hours away (by car), so it's a lot of new stuff all piled up together.
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    DF is on deployment also, first for me not for him. I made several goals, such as save a certain amount of money before he's back, make things, scheduled trips to see family and old friends, read 20 books, etc. Goals seem to help me keep busy and therefore time has flown by. It also makes for interesting things to write to him about. It's almost been six months for me!
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    #5
    We made goals before he left. Most of them were fitness related. It's not his first deployment either, just mine. He's never had to deal with having so much as a girlfriend while on deployment, so he wasn't really on the "help my wife deal with deployment" train until right before he left. He went to a training where they talked a lot about how spouses need support too, and that deployments are hard on both parties, not just the deployed. I like the idea of making a goal for reading books. I can't really go home to visit family, it's just too far to go on a weekend.
    Quote Originally Posted by tofuface View Post
    DF is on deployment also, first for me not for him. I made several goals, such as save a certain amount of money before he's back, make things, scheduled trips to see family and old friends, read 20 books, etc. Goals seem to help me keep busy and therefore time has flown by. It also makes for interesting things to write to him about. It's almost been six months for me!
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    Quote Originally Posted by EhmBeeS View Post
    We made goals before he left. Most of them were fitness related. It's not his first deployment either, just mine. He's never had to deal with having so much as a girlfriend while on deployment, so he wasn't really on the "help my wife deal with deployment" train until right before he left. He went to a training where they talked a lot about how spouses need support too, and that deployments are hard on both parties, not just the deployed. I like the idea of making a goal for reading books. I can't really go home to visit family, it's just too far to go on a weekend.
    Yes DF had attended that meeting too that was about spouses. I have a yearly book goal on an app called good reads. Every book that I wanna add to my goal, I just scan it into the app and it adds it to my list. And I can select if I'm done so it keeps track for me
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    #7
    If you are okay while at work, what about finding a place to volunteer? Not only does it fill the time and give you a sense or purpose, it can help you meet people and maybe establish some friendships.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #8
    I've definitely thought about volunteering. I used to volunteer for a local non profit where we lived before. The biggest problem with volunteering is that we have two dogs, and I'm already gone for 12 hours of my day between work and my commute. I don't think I could justify leaving them for anymore.
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    If you are okay while at work, what about finding a place to volunteer? Not only does it fill the time and give you a sense or purpose, it can help you meet people and maybe establish some friendships.
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    You could volunteer on a day you don't already work. Places like libraries, for example, are open on weekends if you work M-F.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #10
    Getting ready to send my DH off for his deployment VERY soon myself. I totally get how lonely it gets and I think it's so hard to describe that to "non-military" spouses. What about trying a new at home hobby ( that way you can be with your dogs).... I'm getting a new puppy this deployment.... yes, I will be VERY VERY busy this go round!
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