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Thread: Communication Concerns During Deployment

  1. Fresh Newbie
    mrose227's Avatar
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    #1

    Confused Communication Concerns During Deployment

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    This is my first post! My DB is a Army Ranger and deployed 3 weeks ago. This is our 3rd deployment together but this time the communication part is the hardest. The first and second, we were able to talk through Facebook messaging pretty frequently (plus, the first deployment we weren't quite dating yet so I was not very concerned with talking to him everyday/often and the second deployment was cut short so we only had to deal with it for about a month and a half). So far we have been communicating through emails sporadically and he has been able to call once a week.

    And now the frustrating part. When he calls, it always feels like a one sided conversation. He is not allowed to tell me everything so I know this is just how it's going to be. I often feel like I don't have enough to tell him and we have awkward silence. They are usually short conversations - no more than 10 minutes. A part of me feels like he might think that I am not excited to talk to him, which is not the case at all. I don't know how to tell him how I feel about this without offending him. It's hard to get anything out of him also since he can't discuss anything. I'm definitely not used to having these conversations with him and it's frustrating.

    He has also been a little short over emails and I don't know if I'm being selfish or insensitive because I'm sure he's busy, but we rarely talk, and when we do, I just wish he would say more than a 5 word email.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks!!
  2. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
    Tojai's Avatar
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    #2
    Sometimes I felt like this when DH was deployed too. It wasn't so much that he wasn't allowed to talk to me about things (although of course there were some things he couldn't discuss) but that his normal day-to-day was exactly the same. Only exceptions being stuff he usually couldn't tell me. So he just didn't have much to say.

    One thing that helped me was that I started carrying a little notebook around, because a lot of times something interesting would happen or I would read about something cool and think "oh I have to tell DH about this," but then when I had him on the phone it would totally slip my mind. I started taking little notes and I felt like it was easier to talk to him about all those things I wanted to say.

    What you're saying makes total sense though, so I think if you just lay it out like that he would have no reason to be offended by it. I told DH the same thing a few times and he understood.

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