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Thread: so close, but so far...feeling depressed lately...

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    #1

    Confused so close, but so far...feeling depressed lately...

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    i thought i would start getting excited and happy at this point (a lil over two months to go!) but i feel like im just becoming more stressed, irritable, and depressed. idk if my husband is to or not, but i knw we are fighting more frequently. what do you do when u r following all the tips and advice from the hundreds of blogs about beating deployment depression u have read, and u still feel that way? im in two active mom groups, i see my father-in-law on a regular basis, i have a few mom friends i see on a regular basis, i workout 5-6 times a week, im finishing up my degree, i have hobbies, i pamper myself occasionally, i usually have a few hours a day, two days a month off planned each month (though i usually end up doing things i NEED to do lol), i take care of business, give myself times to cry, and try my best to focus on my daughter, which only makes me feel worse sometimes cuz her dad isnt sharing these wonderful, funny moments too. i also tryto to focus on the things i CAN do, that i DO have control over, like getting something done or fixed. what do u do if ur alrdy doing all of that?

    he knws i am a communicator, and i need to talk things out regularly whether it is just to vent or try to solve something. i talked to him last nite, and i dnt feel like he was rly being empathic or supportive, though i knw hes probably just as sick of this tour as i am, as well as me complaining or feeling like crap. i feel guilty about that and i try not to complain, but i cant help how i feel. on top of random things breaking all week long (i.e. my phone, ipod, the vacuum, my one and only food processor that i use for our daughter's foods all the time), everything i try to do lately to shake things up, find my zen, and keep kicking butt has just been backfiring left and right. for example, we (daughter and i) were both going stir crazy after 3 days of rain. so i took her for a walk in the neighborhood park. she stepped in fresh dog shit that one of my lazy neighbors didn't bother to pick up after their dog. great. so i took her home, cleaned her sandals, and took her to the neighborhood pool. normally she loves water, especially the pool. she threw a mini fit at first, then decided she liked it. but when it was time to go....MEGA-FIT. lovely.

    on another note, i like having company over to fill the void and have people to talk to, and i invite people over regularly. but when they leave, the emptiness and loneliness just sounds so much louder. so its a win-lose, and i then have to fight a mean battle with depression. so now i dnt feel like being around people most of the time for the past couple weeks. i still force myself to do so on occasion, but that sinking, want-to-swallow-you-whole-depression still lingers. GAH! can of you ladies or gents relate? anyone have any ideas that i could try?
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by marriedsinglemom View Post
    i thought i would start getting excited and happy at this point (a lil over two months to go!) but i feel like im just becoming more stressed, irritable, and depressed. idk if my husband is to or not, but i knw we are fighting more frequently. what do you do when u r following all the tips and advice from the hundreds of blogs about beating deployment depression u have read, and u still feel that way? im in two active mom groups, i see my father-in-law on a regular basis, i have a few mom friends i see on a regular basis, i workout 5-6 times a week, im finishing up my degree, i have hobbies, i pamper myself occasionally, i usually have a few hours a day, two days a month off planned each month (though i usually end up doing things i NEED to do lol), i take care of business, give myself times to cry, and try my best to focus on my daughter, which only makes me feel worse sometimes cuz her dad isnt sharing these wonderful, funny moments too. i also tryto to focus on the things i CAN do, that i DO have control over, like getting something done or fixed. what do u do if ur alrdy doing all of that?

    he knws i am a communicator, and i need to talk things out regularly whether it is just to vent or try to solve something. i talked to him last nite, and i dnt feel like he was rly being empathic or supportive, though i knw hes probably just as sick of this tour as i am, as well as me complaining or feeling like crap. i feel guilty about that and i try not to complain, but i cant help how i feel. on top of random things breaking all week long (i.e. my phone, ipod, the vacuum, my one and only food processor that i use for our daughter's foods all the time), everything i try to do lately to shake things up, find my zen, and keep kicking butt has just been backfiring left and right. for example, we (daughter and i) were both going stir crazy after 3 days of rain. so i took her for a walk in the neighborhood park. she stepped in fresh dog shit that one of my lazy neighbors didn't bother to pick up after their dog. great. so i took her home, cleaned her sandals, and took her to the neighborhood pool. normally she loves water, especially the pool. she threw a mini fit at first, then decided she liked it. but when it was time to go....MEGA-FIT. lovely.

    on another note, i like having company over to fill the void and have people to talk to, and i invite people over regularly. but when they leave, the emptiness and loneliness just sounds so much louder. so its a win-lose, and i then have to fight a mean battle with depression. so now i dnt feel like being around people most of the time for the past couple weeks. i still force myself to do so on occasion, but that sinking, want-to-swallow-you-whole-depression still lingers. GAH! can of you ladies or gents relate? anyone have any ideas that i could try?
    If you're that depressed maybe it is time to seek professional help from a doctor. It isn't healthy. Also reading your post was a bit difficult, are you typing on a phone? Generally on forums people type out full words instead of text speak.

    eta: Also your username is kind of offensive. I noticed you list yourself in your profile as a married single mom too, when you aren't. You're married, you're not a single mom, you have a partner. If you are approaching the deployment with that kind of attitude it can also contribute to it being more difficult.
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    #3
    How insulting to ACTUAL single moms... wow.




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    You guys are exactly what is wrong with the community. Someone who is hurting tries to reach out to other people, and the cold, callous responses are "get help" "I don't like the way you typed your message" or "i dont like ur screenname." seriously? get over yourselves and quit reading into my screenname. While he is gone, for functional purposes, I am. I am still married, yes. That is also part of the screenname. Don't hate on what you do not comprehend. Lack of support is one thing. Bullying or bashing is ten times worse.
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    #5
    Lmao at "get help" being bullying. If that is your definition of the word, then you have lived a charmed life

    And it's clearly more than "I don't like your screen name." But by all means, keep deflecting.

    And no, you're not a single mom while he's gone. Don't tell me I don't comprehend; I've done deployments on my own with our child. Plural. You are aware the entire time that he is almost certainly coming back to you when deployment is over, whereas single moms do not have that. You receive his pay, not child support. For functional purposes my wide Irish ass.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by marriedsinglemom View Post
    You guys are exactly what is wrong with the community. Someone who is hurting tries to reach out to other people, and the cold, callous responses are "get help" "I don't like the way you typed your message" or "i dont like ur screenname." seriously? get over yourselves and quit reading into my screenname. While he is gone, for functional purposes, I am. I am still married, yes. That is also part of the screenname. Don't hate on what you do not comprehend. Lack of support is one thing. Bullying or bashing is ten times worse.

    QFP
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by marriedsinglemom View Post
    You guys are exactly what is wrong with the community. Someone who is hurting tries to reach out to other people, and the cold, callous responses are "get help" "I don't like the way you typed your message" or "i dont like ur screenname." seriously? get over yourselves and quit reading into my screenname. While he is gone, for functional purposes, I am. I am still married, yes. That is also part of the screenname. Don't hate on what you do not comprehend. Lack of support is one thing. Bullying or bashing is ten times worse.
    Telling you to get actual help isn't cold or callous. It's a lot more helpful than "hang in there" or "it will get better". If you're actually depressed, a professional is the person to help you.

    Deployment is hard. It's a lot to deal with, especially when it feels like your spouse isn't helping you. You just have to remember he's under a lot of stress and he's dealing with a lot. Cut him some slack.

    Also the reason people are caught up on your username is because there are actual single mothers on this site, who struggle with the hardship of no emotional or financial help. Your husband is still there to pay the bills and call you, that's not a single mother. They're not jumping at you, they're expressing their opinion. Again I understand how hard deployment can be but you need to calm down. Don't tell us we don't comprehend this situation. My husband has deployed twice, hell he's gone now! Koalabar's husband has deployed more times than I can count. So don't tell us we don't comprehend your username, because we do, and it's still offensive.


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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by BraveLilToaster View Post
    If you're that depressed maybe it is time to seek professional help from a doctor. It isn't healthy. Also reading your post was a bit difficult, are you typing on a phone? Generally on forums people type out full words instead of text speak.

    eta: Also your username is kind of offensive. I noticed you list yourself in your profile as a married single mom too, when you aren't. You're married, you're not a single mom, you have a partner. If you are approaching the deployment with that kind of attitude it can also contribute to it being more difficult.

    OP, I know it's hard to convey tone through text, but I thought BLT's response was very sound advice and it was coming from a good place. Sometimes support isn't just a pat on the back. Sometimes it's honest (blunt) advice.

    There is absolutely no shame in needing to see a counselor. They can really help you learn how to deal with what you're experiencing. Telling you to talk with a counselor is giving you advice/support. I didn't see a reason to get defensive. Not for that post. it may be best to take a breath and step away.




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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by marriedsinglemom View Post
    You guys are exactly what is wrong with the community. Someone who is hurting tries to reach out to other people, and the cold, callous responses are "get help" "I don't like the way you typed your message" or "i dont like ur screenname." seriously? get over yourselves and quit reading into my screenname. While he is gone, for functional purposes, I am. I am still married, yes. That is also part of the screenname. Don't hate on what you do not comprehend. Lack of support is one thing. Bullying or bashing is ten times worse.
    Woah, woah, I don't think so, you can just back the fuck up. You don't know jack SHIT about this community, MSOS is an amazing group of people that genuinely care for each other and look out for each other. We have our tiffs and spats but when it comes down to it we're gonna be there for each other, like a family. My reply wasn't cold or callous, I was absolutely serious that if you are THAT depressed you need to seek help because it isn't normal. What the fuck would you like me to say? "It's ok sunshine, not too much longer." What the hell does that accomplish? And yes your username is offensive as fuck, people like YOU are the type that give all military spouses a shitty rep by claiming you're single. You are NOT single, you have a husband that is bringing in income SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK. He is there for you to reach out to, even if he isn't available immediately he's still available eventually. REAL single moms don't have any of that, they have to raise their kids, work to support them BY THEMSELVES.
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