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Thread: I'm ready to lose it...

  1. Regular Member
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    #1

    Sad I'm ready to lose it...

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    So before I get into everything, first let me give off a little background:
    Before B left on deployment he had a TDY to Alabama..gone 5 weeks. I was completely fine, but when he was gone, I noticed he became extremely distant from me. Not talking very much and just being really short with me when he would. He claims "he was busy". I do believe he was busy, but not busy enough to where we couldn't talk for at least 5 minutes a day.

    So fast forward 5 weeks (that was the total time he was in Alabama) he is home for 2 weeks before he deploys. Everything seems fine, I see him the weekend he comes in and everything is great, then he goes silent a little again. Very brief. Claims he's busy getting ready for the deployment. Understandable. 2nd weekend after he's back…i don't see him at all except for the fact we both stumbled into the same bar one Friday night…(no, he didn't bother telling me where he was going). So he continues to be extremely sketchy with me and we end up having a fight the following Tuesday… (drunk friday was 2/20 and fight was 2/24) so he basically says he doesn't know if he wants to do this while he's gone.

    So here comes the problem: We had a talk the saturday before he left on deployment. He was ignoring me because I was adamant about him making up his mind about us staying together before he left so I showed up at his house unannounced and basically forced a conversation because I knew I wouldn't get one before he left more than likely. So we talked and I thought everything seemed okay. He claims he was scared about being serious and past deployments scarred him and blah blah..he's not good at communicating so I basically told him, if we communicate well while you're gone this will be fine.

    Fast forward to when he got to deployment: BTW he's in Guam…I read where we could say where they were..He's in Guam, not a war zone or anything of that nature. He leaves…i don't hear from him that he's made it, I end up seeing that he's online and ask him if he made it safely, his response was yes. Okay..I was content then. a few days go by he continues to get online and I don't hear from him. The one response I do get from him was "Hey! I just got food and I'm staying in tonight because I got wasted last night". I get all happy because I assume since he's staying in, we can talk! (I was wrong) I go again without hearing from him. Keep in mind he's popping online during this period of silence… so I go out with friends this past weekend and he responds Monday…"I've been busy, but maybe you'll get a random call on FaceTime". I get excited but yet again…he's popped online and hasn't even bothered to read my messages or respond to emails when I know for a fact, his internet is working perfectly because he's been online!

    Now, am I just freaking out over nothing or do I have a case here? Part of me is slightly freaking out because i think he's changing his mind about us and is giving me the "silent treatment" and I'm sorry, but I don't care how busy someone is, if they want to talk to you, they will make time! I just have a hard time believing he's THAT busy to where he reads my messages and doesn't have 2 seconds to respond. He's read all my messages up to this point except where I responded Monday until now (I've left him messages between now and then). So guess I'm in need of a little advice. I'm inclined to just back away and see what happens, but I fear that the messages I've left him will end up coming across as I've "blown him up". I guess I'm sort of in limbo here..and he hasn't even been gone that long! He promised me the communication would be better but so far, I see no improvement…I know he hasn't been gone long, but this communication thing has been going on for months…HELP!
  2. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #2
    Bleh. Normally I feel like I'm the type of person who will go to great lengths to come from curious and do everything I can to extend the benefit of the doubt but he is not looking good here. There's a pattern I see ... he checks out and kind of disappears and you have to be the one to chase him and get his attention, he gives you some and fades away again. It doesn't look like he has any intention of changing this pattern. Like you said, it's been going on for months.

    However, I don't think that means you have to be in limbo. If you want to, you absolutely can ... it's your prerogative if you want to sit around and see if/when he gets in touch with you. But you can also take the bull by the horns and decide that you're worth more than this and aren't willing to tolerate his behavior either. There's no reason you can't back off just because you sent a lot of messages at one time. That was then, this is now, just because you reached out to him doesn't mean you have to sit on your hands and hope he responds.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    Bleh. Normally I feel like I'm the type of person who will go to great lengths to come from curious and do everything I can to extend the benefit of the doubt but he is not looking good here. There's a pattern I see ... he checks out and kind of disappears and you have to be the one to chase him and get his attention, he gives you some and fades away again. It doesn't look like he has any intention of changing this pattern. Like you said, it's been going on for months.

    However, I don't think that means you have to be in limbo. If you want to, you absolutely can ... it's your prerogative if you want to sit around and see if/when he gets in touch with you. But you can also take the bull by the horns and decide that you're worth more than this and aren't willing to tolerate his behavior either. There's no reason you can't back off just because you sent a lot of messages at one time. That was then, this is now, just because you reached out to him doesn't mean you have to sit on your hands and hope he responds.
    Thank you for your response. I'm kind of in the "grab the bull by the horns" mood. I just won't be able to tolerate this if this his how the rest of the deployment will be. I HATE this is happening while he's gone, but maybe I should have noticed it before he even left and I don't even mind that he's gone. It's the no communication I have an issue with. Ugh…men. Just a background here: his ex wife cheated on him while he was deployed last so I understand his reservation, but come on..I'm not her and I've explained this to him. He's been perfectly fine up until this chaos.
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    #4
    How long have you guys been together for? Have you had a lot of time physically together? If he has not had any issues with communication up until now and you have a long history of communicating well then I would be hopeful that he is just going through a phase. I don't think he realizes how much this effects you. Maybe you can write a very well thought out email to him and get it all out for him to see your feelings and where you stand. Perhaps some direct questions for him to answer since it sounds like he will go around your questions. I would also think about the future. If it continues to be like this, will you want to stay together?
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    #5
    So since he left, he has made zero effort to communicate with you?
    To me, that is a sign that he does not WANT to communicate with you.
    I for one, am not only terrible and taking a hint, but I wouldn't know a hint if it hint me over the head.
    In your case, it may be a hint.

    Ask yourself whether this bull has a horn with grabbing? maybe its time to neuter this bull, send it to slaughter, then dine on its lovely carcass, cooked to a perfect medium rare...sharing it with the new guy you will find.
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    #6
    We've been together for 6 months. I've written him countless emails explaining myself but nada. I just get the feeling it isn't even worth trying for. We used to spend a decent amount of time physically together then that slowed down.

    Since he's left IVE been the one initating conversation. He's done zero and when I do get a response its only to one thing I've said so I feel like it may be time to walk away as much as I hate to. Thanks for taking the time to respond ladies.

    Update: he got rid of Facebook messenger this morning which was the only way I was communicating with him but still has me as a friend on Facebook. Sketch central.
    Last edited by meggers19; 03-12-2015 at 05:29 AM.
  7. Wine-o
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    #7
    It sounds like you guys aren't on the same page A talk about communication needs to happen, but if he won't even respond to you, I don't know how that would happen. I personally don't think it's worth it to chase someone, especially in a situation like this. It sounds like the relationship is completely one-sided and if that doesn't change, it doesn't seem like it's going to get better.
    ~Becca~


  8. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by meggers19 View Post
    We've been together for 6 months. I've written him countless emails explaining myself but nada. I just get the feeling it isn't even worth trying for. We used to spend a decent amount of time physically together then that slowed down.

    Since he's left IVE been the one initating conversation. He's done zero and when I do get a response its only to one thing I've said so I feel like it may be time to walk away as much as I hate to. Thanks for taking the time to respond ladies.

    Update: he got rid of Facebook messenger this morning which was the only way I was communicating with him but still has me as a friend on Facebook. Sketch central.
    It sounds like he checked out of the relationship.

    I dated a guy like that. He ignored me long enough until I broke up with him because he was too much of an asshole to do it himself.

    I would cut my losses .

    ~Art Page~
    Germy = wifey
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    #9
    I think you girls are right. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy first lol. I'll be alright but I hope yall still let me stick around!! I hate this happens right after I join the board!! Lol
  10. Wine-o
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    #10
    I missed your update this morning about FB Messenger Yeah, sounds like he's completely checked out. It's shitty that he can't even talk to you to give you an explanation etc, but I think you're better off So sorry this is happening! But yes please stick around!!
    ~Becca~


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