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Thread: First deployment, need some support and friends!

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    #1

    First deployment, need some support and friends!

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    I just got the news from my boyfriend that he will be deploying very soon. I am a mess!!! I was supposed to be going to visit him really soon and now won't be able to because he will be leaving before that time. I have been crying ever since he told me and I'm not sure how long he will be gone for either. We have been together for almost a year and a half now. How have you guys been dealing with deployment? He hasn't even left yet and its already so hard! Has deployment affected your relationship in a bad way or is your relationship still going strong??
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    #2
    and to the site!

    Sorry to hear your DB is deploying.

    My DB and I are both active duty Army, but I've never deployed and this is his first. We have not been together very long, so the last two weeks (that's how long he has been gone) have been.. interesting. We were just getting to that point in a relationship were you start coming across the normal "issues" everyone goes through, but then it was ontop of him being about to leave and now him being gone. So it has made it difficult in some ways and better in others. But he and I are still going strong and still love each other completely.

    The time before he leaves will be the absolute hardest. Because you will both be trying to adjust and will be stressed about certain things and perhaps acting out in ways you normally would not. KNOW this, UNDERSTAND this, and communicate it with your DB. Honesty is the best policy. By the time he leaves you will honestly feel relief that he is just going and starting it, and now you can look forward to his return rather than dreading his departure.

    Personally, I look at it like this. Deployments are hard. So, incredibly hard for both my DB and I. It is either going to show us how strong our relationship is, and that we can make it through the hard stuff and are meant to be together, or it is going to show us we can't, and save us from a drawn out process and finding out even further down the line. The deployment is also what you make of it. If you choose to be sad over it all the time, you are going to be and it will suck and it will probably hurt your relationship. But if you use it to strengthen your relationship, to do things you couldn't have otherwise, or learn how to be more self-sufficent and such, it will be a good experience and you and your DB, and you both will both gain a lot from it.

    The number one thing you need to do is talk to your DB before he leaves about both of your expectations during all of this. Before, during, and after the deployment. Make sure it is an open, honest discussion and NOT an argument. Especially your expectations regarding communication (primary means, how often, using what sites/apps/etc, will you tell him bad news if there is any? Will he tell you bad news? ).

    Accept that there will be good days and bad days no matter what you do. Let yourself cry sometimes, eat some ice cream, and then pick yourself back up.

    I'm sorry you are missing your trip with him, that really sucks. But it sounds like you two have already been doing a LDR, so that will help a lot for you two.

    Deployment #1: Over!

    DB: feck fuck fack Me: What? DB: I can't believe I love you so damn much


    Extended separation #2: Over!
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by mintergirl42 View Post
    I just got the news from my boyfriend that he will be deploying very soon. I am a mess!!! I was supposed to be going to visit him really soon and now won't be able to because he will be leaving before that time. I have been crying ever since he told me and I'm not sure how long he will be gone for either. We have been together for almost a year and a half now. How have you guys been dealing with deployment? He hasn't even left yet and its already so hard! Has deployment affected your relationship in a bad way or is your relationship still going strong??
    Hang in there! It gets easier. I promise. My DH is currently deployed and we are still going strong. If anything it has helped our communication and our relationship grow. The absence sucks but it hasn't hurt us. My best advice is to not look at his leaving as a negative thing and let it affect the time before he leaves. Have fun together! Go out and do something, don't sit at home and drown in your feelings. You can do this!
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    #4
    My fiancé is deploying at the end of this month and its both of our first! He has been in the AF for around 8 years - he is getting out two months after the deployment ends! It's a shame his final year is going to mainly spent away from home. Since I found out I have been a mixture of an emotional wreck and a strong woman! Sometimes you just gotta let it out. But the main thing keeping my head up is just that there is nothing we can do about it. However sad it is, he HAS to go. Just remember he will be there the other side and once its all over you will read back on this post and realise how strong you both were after all!
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by SamanthaAniwaya View Post
    The time before he leaves will be the absolute hardest. Because you will both be trying to adjust and will be stressed about certain things and perhaps acting out in ways you normally would not. KNOW this, UNDERSTAND this, and communicate it with your DB. Honesty is the best policy. By the time he leaves you will honestly feel relief that he is just going and starting it, and now you can look forward to his return rather than dreading his departure.
    So. much. this. My DB has been gone a good bit now and I'll tell you, the last two visits we had before he left were the most trying, an absolute emotional rollercoaster and some of our fiercest fights. It's hard. You will be tried in so many ways you couldn't anticipate. But - you'll also come out the other end stronger than you were before. Take it day by day, try not to look at it was time is running out. Anticipatory grief, I found out, is a real thing - comparable to mourning someone who is terminally ill.

    Key thing is: he isn't gone yet. He is still here. Cherish your time, try to keep perspective on both of your positions.

    You both can do this. Look at all these ladies - it can be, and has been, done.

    Chin up, chica.

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