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Thread: Deployment or Relationship done?

  1. GEW
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    #1

    Deployment or Relationship done?

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    Hi All -

    I started talking to someone (cursory friends for years) about a month before he was deployed. We went out, really liked each other and he was talking about me moving to his base when he got back. We exchanged I Love You's, got into a relationship all at his urging before he deployed. A few weeks in he cursed me out, told me he didn't love me and we decided to end the relationship but stay friends. We kept talking with him saying he still sees a future with me and flirting with me. We spoke almost daily. Then we had a big fight and didn't speak for a few weeks. During that time someone close to me died and he told me he couldn't be there for me during that time. He came back on his own and started mentioning the dates he knew I went on. I've tried to continue on like normal but there are times when he seems so into me and times when he doesn't seem to care.

    My question - ladies, is this normal? Is it deployment? Can he not think beyond his immediate situation? He used to say these amazing things to me and now he snaps all the time and I'm lucky if I get a "sweetie". Can deployment change a personality so quick or am I getting the real thing now?

    I'd really like to continue to support him and see what's there. I just don't know what to do. I'm lost.
  2. One does not simply Ewok into Endor
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    #2
    No, this absolutely is not normal... by any means. If it were me, I would consider myself very lucky that this all happened at the beginning before things got incredibly serious. I would get away from that and move on. There's a lot better out there and you deserve better.

    <3 Anthiea <3 KittenMittens <3
  3. The name says it all!
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by germy View Post
    No, this absolutely is not normal... by any means. If it were me, I would consider myself very lucky that this all happened at the beginning before things got incredibly serious. I would get away from that and move on. There's a lot better out there and you deserve better.
    Sounds to me like he's just stringing you along. You're much better off just dropping him and not talking to him again, go out and find a man that is worthy of your love and time. Feel free to stick around here, though, there are several people on here who are no longer in military relationships that are still here.

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.




  4. The name says it all!
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    #4
    Double post.

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.




  5. GEW
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    #5
    Thanks! Just curious - was there just one part that made you think this way or the whole situation?
  6. GEW
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    #6
    I should also add I've spoken with his sister about this stuff. She says he basically reaches out to his family weekly and they know they can't "initiate contact" with him. Maybe I reach out too often? He also knows my family doesn't like him very much.
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    #7
    I'd definitely move on since you're not too invested in the relationship just yet. If he cussed you out and said he didn't love you for no reason whatsoever I'm not even sure I could remain friends.
  8. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #8
    I think he is showing you the "real" him. Maybe being stressed out is making him more volatile and such, but if he's going to take it out on you every time he's going through something, is that really the guy you want to be with?

    The way your post reads makes it seem like he wants to get support from you without having to put anything into the relationship at all. He knows he can you treat you as bad as he wants to and you'll still hang around and be there for him when he feels like reaching out. I don't think there's any more "seeing what's there" - he's showed you what he has to offer.
  9. Senior Member
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    #9
    I agree with what all the ladies have said.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    I think he is showing you the "real" him. Maybe being stressed out is making him more volatile and such, but if he's going to take it out on you every time he's going through something, is that really the guy you want to be with?

    The way your post reads makes it seem like he wants to get support from you without having to put anything into the relationship at all. He knows he can you treat you as bad as he wants to and you'll still hang around and be there for him when he feels like reaching out. I don't think there's any more "seeing what's there" - he's showed you what he has to offer.
    I especially agree with all of this ^^^

    I seems like he uses you when he needs you and the rest of the time he acts like a jerk. There's nothing left to "see".




  10. Senior Member
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    #10
    Run...and don't look back. Everything about this raises a bright red flag. He shouldn't be treating you like this, no matter how stressful his deployment may be. Take this as a warning sign.
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