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Thread: husband left for korea a week ago..i'm getting confused messages from our 4 year old

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    #1

    husband left for korea a week ago..i'm getting confused messages from our 4 year old

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    So my husband left for korea a week ago and our 4 year old really confused and upset me with what she had said today. Let me first say that my husband and daughter have never had a solid relationship with each other because of the issues my husband had growing up and he always had a hard time relating with our daugher or finding a common ground so to speak, but he is really really hoping that he can patch things up and finally get that solid relationship with our daughter when he comes back. I know he's only been gone for a week so we are still adjusting and overall our daughter is doing well. A couple times she has said that she misses daddy and she skyped with him this morning and she seemed happy when she got to see his face and talk with him for a couple minutes, but a couple hours later she said, "I'm happy that daddy isn't here" and when I very happily ask her if she wants to draw a picture for daddy she says well I'll do it tomorrow, but tomorrow comes and the picture never happens. It breaks my heart and I'm trying to not breakdown and cry about it, but it's very hard. Any advice would be awesome cuz at this point I'm at a loss of what to think about it........
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    #2
    I'm sorry, I can't imagine how I would feel if one of my kids said that. I'm not sure what advice to give other than just to let her feel how she's feeling. She's her own person with her own thoughts and feelings and is just now realizing that. There's nothing you can do to change how she's feeling in this situation anyway. The good thing is that she is only four years old so it isn't too late for him to fix his relationship with his daughter. That should be his priority one when he gets back.

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    #3
    And this is our second deployment....first deployment our daughter was an infant, but I did order her a daddy doll and a kids deployment book so maybe that will help, but I just don't understand why she would say that :'(
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    And it is making me really really upset cuz this is the second time she's said something like that and I know children go through phases during deployments during honestly this is too much for me to handle right now.....
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    #5
    I'm sorry. How long is going to be gone?
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    #6
    You may want to look into counseling for her, it could help her work through her feelings.
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    He will be gone for a year........if she says that again I may think about counseling cuz i'm having a mini breakdown about it right now cuz it just hurts so bad
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    #8
    Could she be saying it for another reason other than what's on the surface? Has she gotten special treats or more attention since he left?
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    Jazmine

    honestly i've been more authoritative with her and we have gone a few places but nothing too special and the two times that we've gone out was just for me to get out of the house and around other people
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    #10
    Have you asked her?
    I know you asked her to draw a picture, but instead of waiting for her to draw it 'tomorrow' just ask she do it now.
    Ignoring the feelings and waiting to see if she says them again really won't resolve them.

    More times that not kids speak truth, they speak what they feel. Outside looking in (based on what you wrote), she is trying to tell you something and you aren't listening. Either she is misinterpreting what she saw, what he did, or the like, or her feelings are true and there is something there that is bothering her about her dad.
    If she won't open up to you, talk to a counselor. Ignoring what she said won't help. In the end it could be nothing or it could be something.

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