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Thread: DBS distant during deployment..help!

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    #1

    Sad DBS distant during deployment..help!

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    Hi all, I am going through my first deployment with my DBF. of 2.5 years and I thought I was being strong, but all a sudden feel like I'm having a break down. My SO has only been gone for 4 months and there is still more time ahead in this deployment. I just feel like I give, and give and get nothing in return. He signs on FB all day and then only messages me less then half the time! Then when I finally talk to him, he just says how busy he is. sometimes he reads my messages and then doesn't even respond. If I'm lucky I would get a call once a week, and now it's stretching to once very two weeks. sometimes I send him care packages and he doesn't even thank me, I feel like I barely get any I miss you's either. It's like he is putting me on the back burner and not even thinking of me at all. He refuses to write me a letter or skype because he says he doesn't have time or patience for that. I mean how mean could you be! I know he loves me, but sometimes I question if he really does. He acts like he doesn't care, or he's just too tired or busy, I don't know. Just wish I could get some love or a little appreciation. I support him so much and am his biggest fan, but sometimes I wonder why I do this when I'm feeling like I get nothing in return...Any words of wisdom?? Also, should mention we recently got into a fight on FB about this and he basically told me to stop whining, and was a jerk. I just can't believe I am dealing with this and so sad
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Jene102 View Post
    Hi all, I am going through my first deployment with my DBF. of 2.5 years and I thought I was being strong, but all a sudden feel like I'm having a break down. My SO has only been gone for 4 months and there is still more time ahead in this deployment. I just feel like I give, and give and get nothing in return. He signs on FB all day and then only messages me less then half the time! Then when I finally talk to him, he just says how busy he is. sometimes he reads my messages and then doesn't even respond. If I'm lucky I would get a call once a week, and now it's stretching to once very two weeks. sometimes I send him care packages and he doesn't even thank me, I feel like I barely get any I miss you's either. It's like he is putting me on the back burner and not even thinking of me at all. He refuses to write me a letter or skype because he says he doesn't have time or patience for that. I mean how mean could you be! I know he loves me, but sometimes I question if he really does. He acts like he doesn't care, or he's just too tired or busy, I don't know. Just wish I could get some love or a little appreciation. I support him so much and am his biggest fan, but sometimes I wonder why I do this when I'm feeling like I get nothing in return...Any words of wisdom?? Also, should mention we recently got into a fight on FB about this and he basically told me to stop whining, and was a jerk. I just can't believe I am dealing with this and so sad
    I'm sorry, but he's being an ass. I know you said you got in a fight about this, but have you ever been able to have an actual conversation about how you are feeling and what it is you need/want from him?
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    I have to agree DB is being a jerk and from the stories DG tells me this is both sides both those at home and away. I feel like deployment is one of those things that either makes you or breaks you as a couple. DG will frequently leave her skype up but isn't always there or will see my e-mails and not have time to respond. This is understandable. In the beginning I felt like DG didn't realize this was difficult from my end is as well because she would make comments about how it was hard as if it was one sided. We had to have a talk about that. However she is always grateful for care packages and communication. How was your relationship before deployment? I would have a serious talk and state very clearly how you feel as well as what your emotional needs are. He is lucky to have someone who cares as I have heard stories about people's SO's back home not sending packages, letters, or taking calls because it was 3am. Perhaps your DB is taking you for granted.
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    #4
    I have the same question as MissM85, how was your relationship before deployment?
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    Hi everyone, well first off let's just say I was having a bad week! And I am feeling better now, so thank you all. We have been in a Long distance relationship for 2 and a half years before deployment so let's just say it's never been easy, and my DB has always sucked at communication to begin with, he is also not a phone person in America so imagine in deployment LOL. He is very bad at showing his feelings as well, so all of this makes matters worse. anyway, he definitely was a jerk with that last conversation I mentioned which was uncalled for. As far as our relationship goes we are planning on living together so we can be in one place for once and hope that will help us. As far as his communication on deployment, he did clear up that he is unable to skype because the connection is so bad and he said he attempted it and the computer was too slow, I wish he would of told me that before instead of me thinking he just didn't want to. I also asked him why he doesn't call more and he told me the phone was located over a mile and a half away and he works 18 hrs a day, so he calls me from a phone he's technically not aloud to use when he can which is usually 1am his time. As far as FB, I know he reads things and is very busy so doesn't respond all the time. We do get to talk on FB some of the times and did tell me he loves me and misses me.well I hope he does, because I do so much! I also just sent him. Great bday care package and he thanked me and seemed to really like it, so that was good.
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    #6

    Sad

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    I'm so sorry your going though all this stress on top of having him gone. My DB gets on fb sometimes and doesn't respond or he reads my comments and can't respond. Sometimes when their deployed it's hard for them to switch from military mode to that caring and loving ones we knew back at home. In that enviornment they have to be strong and tough and it's hard for many to switch back to that lovey dovey part of themselves. Now that's no excuse for him to be rude to but maybe he's frustrated that your upset and he can't be there in person to make you feel better. The only person that knows him the best is yourself so go with your gut feeling. Stay strong and remember we all deserve to be happy. Do things that make you happy... Go for a run or take a Zumba class, start on an art project, go to that cooking class you've always wanted to go to! Have a girls night and just focus on yourself! Life is too short to be unhappy and sometimes you have to be a little selfish sometimes to make yourself happy. Breathe in and out! You can do this!

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