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Thread: Feeling So Lost and Alone

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    Feeling So Lost and Alone

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    My boyfriend is in the Army, and he has been deployed over in South Korea for the past 9 months. We are finally in to the double digits of his return... and of course that's when our first arguments had to come in to play. We were doing so well, and with his return being so close, I thought things would only get easier. But for some reason things have been getting extremely difficult, and it makes me nervous. I know he cares about me. His attitude lately has just been so different. I know he is sick of it over there, I know he is ready to be home, and I know how stressful things have been for him lately. I knew what I signed myself up for. I have no problem waiting months on end for the man of my dreams. I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever it took to get myself through this deployment, any deployment, for him. I can handle the distance, and even the minimal contact, but things are just so rocky now. I don't know if this is normal behavior towards the ending of a deployment or not as this is my first one. He doesn't tell me he misses me as much, he has shortened "I love you" to "ily", and he's so distant. I don't know if I am overreacting or what. I haven't reached out for much help throughout this deployment as I had convinced myself I was strong, but now I need it. I feel like I'm being selfish, and I just want to be there to support him, but things feel weird. Help?
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by khadlock View Post
    My boyfriend is in the Army, and he has been deployed over in South Korea for the past 9 months. We are finally in to the double digits of his return... and of course that's when our first arguments had to come in to play. We were doing so well, and with his return only being XXXXXXXX, I thought things would only get easier. But for some reason things have been getting extremely difficult, and it makes me nervous. I know he cares about me. His attitude lately has just been so different. I know he is sick of it over there, I know he is ready to be home, and I know how stressful things have been for him lately. I knew what I signed myself up for. I have no problem waiting months on end for the man of my dreams. I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever it took to get myself through this deployment, any deployment, for him. I can handle the distance, and even the minimal contact, but things are just so rocky now. I don't know if this is normal behavior towards the ending of a deployment or not as this is my first one. He doesn't tell me he misses me as much, he has shortened "I love you" to "ily", and he's so distant. I don't know if I am overreacting or what. I haven't reached out for much help throughout this deployment as I had convinced myself I was strong, but now I need it. I feel like I'm being selfish, and I just want to be there to support him, but things feel weird. Help?
    Welcome to MSOS - please know that posting exact dates or the exact number of days until a date with regards to troop movements is a no-go. I have edited the portion in my quote of your post, but you will want to go back and edit your post as well to take that information out.

    How long have the two of you been together? Were you dating before he left? Have you communicated to him (outside of the arguments) how you are feeling and about your concerns?
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    Thanks!
    And we have been together for 13 months now. We started dating about 4 months before he got deployed... strange as it sounds it was the moment my grandmother always told me about. "When you know, you know." And I knew with him. I have tried bringing up my feelings, but I don't think I do a great job as I am terrified of saying the wrong thing and upsetting him. He gets so stressed that he snaps, and points fingers at me saying that I'm not patient, that I get upset too easily... and so on. But the next time we talk he will apologize and say it was his fault and he shouldn't have acted like that. But then does it again. So it feels like I am the one upsetting him, when in reality I don't believe that's the truth. I don't want to come off as selfish, but I have stress and my own problems back at home and I need support too.
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    #4


    One day at a time girl! It can be really stressful and it really sucks! I would imagine he is stressed out just like you are. I do think you should still be able to rely on emotional support. Just because he is gone doesnt make him exempt from his responsibility to you. But at the same time, maybe he isnt fully getting what he needs? I have no idea of your situation so I dont know "who does what". But maybe just have a conversation with him explaining how you feel?

    Also, you shouldnt be scared to "say the wrong thing". If he is going to snap at you for speaking your feelings, he needs to get his shit together IMO. Its not healthy or fair for you to have to walk on eggshells when it comes to talking about your feelings.
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    Thanks. I guess I'm without much experience when it comes to this. I try to give him all the love and support I can. Sometimes I wish I could do more, but I'm at a complete loss on what I can do. Any ideas on quirky little things to brighten his mood?
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    #6
    DH got very short towards the end of his deployment. He was tense, ready to come home, and very busy trying to get everything ready. The last month was definitely the worst! Hang in there.


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    #7
    I honestly think the first step is telling him what you feel. also telling him that you are afraid to tell him your feelings. This I agree needs to be fixed IMO. that is not healthy for you and it is wrong.
    It is not only he and his moods it is you as well.
    being apart can be stressful and sometimes hard on a relationship but the key is communications, and without communications you will never find out what he thinks or feels. Neither can he change something if you not let him know.
    Wish you good luck and think positive you guys are are half way through
    Getting used to the new lifestyle far away from home and leaving my fear behind each day a little more.

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