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Thread: Depressed: crying all the time lately

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    Depressed: crying all the time lately

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    First, I just want to say how happy I found this forum. I've been feeling so alone lately.

    Lately, I've been feeling depressed over my boyfriends deployment. It's the 2nd time since we've been together that he has deployed. The 1st deployment he was able to contact me frequently and we had no issues.

    This deployment we were able to communicate every other day through calls, FB, or iMessages. In the last 3 months it's slowly tapered off. Now I only hear from him 1 a week through a 15-20min phone call and that's it. I thought there might be someone else or his feelings changed, but he keeps saying he's busy with more responsibilities. I understand that hes busy but I still can't help how hurt I'm feeling. I feel like he doesn't love me as much because he can't find the time to communicate with me anymore. Am I crazy for thinking this?

    I've been crying all the time lately. I miss him so much. None of my close friends understand. They make me feel worse because they also think he should be communicating with me more. I just don't know what to do anymore. He told me loves me and wants to get married in the future. But he also left without proposing which I understood due to his personal financial reasons. We've been together for 6 years.

    Should I be worried about his lack of commuication? I love him so much. I've never felt so disconnect from him. Am I crazy for feeling the way I feel? I feel so alone at times. I get waves of sadness and cry everyday.
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    #2
    If he CAN communicate and knows you want to communicate more and you only hear from him once a week, then no, you are not wrong for feeling that way. I never bought into the "I'm too busy" stuff. No one is too busy to send a short message. It takes a minute. Have you told him how important this is to you?
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    #3
    How do you feel? Do you feel it in your gut that he's just not making an effort to talk to you? Or are you feeling like he is truly busy?
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Nikki408 View Post
    First, I just want to say how happy I found this forum. I've been feeling so alone lately.

    Lately, I've been feeling depressed over my boyfriends deployment. It's the 2nd time since we've been together that he has deployed. The 1st deployment he was able to contact me frequently and we had no issues.

    This deployment we were able to communicate every other day through calls, FB, or iMessages. In the last 3 months it's slowly tapered off. Now I only hear from him 1 a week through a 15-20min phone call and that's it. I thought there might be someone else or his feelings changed, but he keeps saying he's busy with more responsibilities. I understand that hes busy but I still can't help how hurt I'm feeling. I feel like he doesn't love me as much because he can't find the time to communicate with me anymore. Am I crazy for thinking this?

    I've been crying all the time lately. I miss him so much. None of my close friends understand. They make me feel worse because they also think he should be communicating with me more. I just don't know what to do anymore. He told me loves me and wants to get married in the future. But he also left without proposing which I understood due to his personal financial reasons. We've been together for 6 years.

    Should I be worried about his lack of commuication? I love him so much. I've never felt so disconnect from him. Am I crazy for feeling the way I feel? I feel so alone at times. I get waves of sadness and cry everyday.
    Is there a reason (history) that caused you to think someone else was the cause? Clearly you have mentioned the change, but did you communicate how that change was making you feel like you have explained it here or just ask about the change?
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    Yes, I finally told him 2 weeks ago. And it's still the same. And yes there was a history of cheating. It was 5 years ago when he did cheat, and it wasn't during a deployment.

    I can't help but feel the way I do, like something is wrong. He does seem stressed when I ask him why he's busy. He says he's gotten more responsibilities and more things on his plate overall to deal with. When we last talked he said he loves me and isn't cheating. He said he's just busy. I don't understand how busy he can't be that now he doesn't even want to communicate with me.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nikki408 View Post
    Yes, I finally told him 2 weeks ago. And it's still the same. And yes there was a history of cheating. It was 5 years ago when he did cheat, and it wasn't during a deployment.

    I can't help but feel the way I do, like something is wrong. He does seem stressed when I ask him why he's busy. He says he's gotten more responsibilities and more things on his plate overall to deal with. When we last talked he said he loves me and isn't cheating. He said he's just busy. I don't understand how busy he can't be that now he doesn't even want to communicate with me.
    But the thing is, it doesn't take much time out of his day to send you a text, or a message, or an email. Even when I'm super busy, I find time to text DF. It doesn't have to be a lot. It doesn't have to be a sit down, 2 hour heart to heart conversation. If my SO asked me to make an effort to talk to him more, I wouldn't tell him, "oh I'm busy and I have a lot of responsibilities", I would make an effort. I would maybe tell him that I couldn't talk to him for hours on end, but I would make sure he knows I am thinking of him.

    When he told you last time that he wasn't cheating, is that after you asked him about cheating? Or did he just offer that up on his own? Because if he did, it's an odd thing to say...
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Nikki408 View Post
    Yes, I finally told him 2 weeks ago. And it's still the same. And yes there was a history of cheating. It was 5 years ago when he did cheat, and it wasn't during a deployment.

    I can't help but feel the way I do, like something is wrong. He does seem stressed when I ask him why he's busy. He says he's gotten more responsibilities and more things on his plate overall to deal with. When we last talked he said he loves me and isn't cheating. He said he's just busy. I don't understand how busy he can't be that now he doesn't even want to communicate with me.
    Did you guys ever work through the cheating in the past or was it sort of just swept under the rug?

    Since he's deployed, I'd suggest finding a counselor or some one to talk to on your end I know it's hard to deal with a lack of communication but crying all the time really isn't healthy.

    As for whether the lack of communication is normal, every deployment is different. While I would be hurt in your position too, none of us can really say if he should have enough time to talk to your more or not because we have no idea what he's doing, kwim? You may need to just be very upfront with him "hey, I really miss you and I know you're busy, but I need more communication. Could you please email me a couple times a week in addition to the call?" If he just keeps saying he's busy, I'd ask for more of an explanation as to why/how.
    WiggleWiggle~ is my Wifey

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