Post deployment issues

[kb2021]

Hi everyone.
I am new to this group so I will give a little background. My husband and I have been married for nearly 4 years and have a 2 yr old son. We've always had a happy marraige, despite the problems that natural come with. My husband recently returned home from a 10 month deployment in Afghanistan feb. 2014. He recently told me that he got so used to living on his own that there was plenty of days where he didn't miss me at all. He said he missed our son daily. Since he's told me this I've been trying to give him some space, but it seems like we're arguing a lot and to the point where he feels like he's grasping at strings to keep our marraige afloat. I don't know what to do, I'm so hurt and lost to the point of feeling numb. He spends time with friends as well as work, and other than that he's sleeping. He said he just can't stand to be around me anymore and I'm not doing anything..

Please help, I want nothing more than to make this work despite the hurt.

[Ol' Grey Mare]

Hi everyone.
I am new to this group so I will give a little background. My husband and I have been married for nearly 4 years and have a 2 yr old son. We've always had a happy marraige, despite the problems that natural come with. My husband recently returned home from a 10 month deployment in Afghanistan feb. 2014. He recently told me that he got so used to living on his own that there was plenty of days where he didn't miss me at all. He said he missed our son daily. Since he's told me this I've been trying to give him some space, but it seems like we're arguing a lot and to the point where he feels like he's grasping at strings to keep our marraige afloat. I don't know what to do, I'm so hurt and lost to the point of feeling numb. He spends time with friends as well as work, and other than that he's sleeping. He said he just can't stand to be around me anymore and I'm not doing anything..

Please help, I want nothing more than to make this work despite the hurt.

I am so sorry that you have come here under these circumstances - but glad that you have joined MSOS. So many to you.
Re-integration is, surprisingly to some, one of the hardest parts of a deployment. Are you/he open to the idea of marriage counseling? Are you people of faith that are active in a church? I ask because sometimes one partner or another may be resistant to a"counselor" but open to talking to a trusted member of the clergy, etc - while the clergy may not be equipped to get into the nuts and bolts of intensive marriage counseling, they can often help to open the door of willingness to seek further counseling because it's coming from that trusted third party rather than the other person in the relationship.

[CAgoldie]

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through Back in 2010, I had a very close family friend deploy to Afghanistan and re-integration was by far the most difficult part for him. It took him months to get to a point where he was interested in doing the things he liked to do before he deployed. He pushed his girlfriend away, pushed his family away... I'm not saying this to upset you, rather, that it is fairly normal. You are not alone! This seems to be a very common issue that our service members and their families have to deal with.

I agree with Grey Mare, do you think he would be open to counseling of any sort? Maybe give him some more time, and then pose the question? I know it may be much easier said than done, but just try to stay supportive, find ways to work through your own emotions, and don't give up on him. It will take time, but just try and be there for him.

Hugs, my dear

[sldanlm]

Sorry to hear what you're going through. In 2009 I had a former partner in a national guard unit deployed for almost a year. Although we didn't have any major issues, there was some unit members that had very similar experiences to what you're describing. I know they ended up going to counseling, and some needed help for PTSD.