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Thread: DEPLOYMENT ADVICE PLEASE!!!!

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    #1

    DEPLOYMENT ADVICE PLEASE!!!!

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    I really need some advice on ALOT of things - OK where do i begin okay so i met my air force man in aug 2013 through a mutual friend(she is dating his best friend), now he made it clear from the beginning that he liked me and we went on a few dates but i left it at that and decided to stay friends as id been warned off him from this new friend .We always hung out as friends and he would come over and watch movies and that was it really -although i knew he wanted more he knew i didn't and was respectful of that .

    However we decided (or i did) to start seeing each other early in the year and i purely wanted it to be a casual thing (not that i said this to him lol) but made it clear that we would still be exclusive and were taking it slow.Things were going really well and if anything it was me holding back and not letting him spend enough time with me as he wanted to -purely as i didn't want it to get serious.Although i assumed this was casual we spoke daily &he even stopped going out on weekends which i never asked him to do -he just text me saying id like to make u more priority and not go out .This is not casual right?.Plus he asked to stay over more and the sex was deffinatly more intamate (holding my hands after in bed all night while holding me)

    Three months in he finds out hes being deployed and this completely threw me i guess i realized that i really did care about him and i was immediately regretting all the time that we had wasted (i had wasted lol).He only had 2 weeks before he deployed for 6 months and i told him i wanted to spend as much time with him as possible before he left.His response was why do i have to leave for u to want to see me?(aaw).So anyway we spent loads of time together and got really close in those last two weeks and we disused whether or not i should wait and he said he couldn't really ask me to but wanted me to but obviously we weren't serious yet .Well i decided i was going to and hoped this would make us decide what we wanted out of this situation.

    Im pretty sure he told me he loved me before he left -i heard him say in on three diff occasions into my hair but i wasn't sure so i never acknowledged it lol.

    Anyway its 4 weeks in and he has messaged me daily for the past 4 weeks and we text for hrs as soon as he gets off work he will msg me and we have skyped. However the past few days hes been a bit distant and when i asked him about it he said hes tired and stressed and its all too much and that hes not used to seeing someone while being deployed and that hes never found a balance and is used to putting himself first (not that hes saying he wants to now -we argued about this lol)

    I guess i dont know what i should do or expect from him as we aren't together but i think we act like we are and hes deff treating it like more than just a casual and he says he wants to make this work .My worry is when he gets back he only has 10 months left in uk so am i wasting my time on something that may never go anywhere?.I would move with him but would prefer him to extend if he could giving us more time.i worry he will cheat but everyone is sayin they do & i, finding it hard to trust him.

    people keep saying he will know how he feels about u the moment he gets back if not while hes over there and i should relax? And i dont even know what he is thinking if anything

    is he distant as hes going off me? or does he just find it hard as missing me? Its hard as we spoke so much and now the past week its not been the same

    Ive never done the whole casual thing but this doesn't seem casual to me right?

    Advice please and apologies for my story lo
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by fitnesspt87 View Post
    I really need some advice on ALOT of things - OK where do i begin okay so i met my air force man in aug 2013 through a mutual friend(she is dating his best friend), now he made it clear from the beginning that he liked me and we went on a few dates but i left it at that and decided to stay friends as id been warned off him from this new friend .We always hung out as friends and he would come over and watch movies and that was it really -although i knew he wanted more he knew i didn't and was respectful of that .

    However we decided (or i did) to start seeing each other early in the year and i purely wanted it to be a casual thing (not that i said this to him lol) but made it clear that we would still be exclusive and were taking it slow.Things were going really well and if anything it was me holding back and not letting him spend enough time with me as he wanted to -purely as i didn't want it to get serious.Although i assumed this was casual we spoke daily &he even stopped going out on weekends which i never asked him to do -he just text me saying id like to make u more priority and not go out .This is not casual right?.Plus he asked to stay over more and the sex was deffinatly more intamate (holding my hands after in bed all night while holding me)

    Three months in he finds out hes being deployed and this completely threw me i guess i realized that i really did care about him and i was immediately regretting all the time that we had wasted (i had wasted lol).He only had 2 weeks before he deployed for 6 months and i told him i wanted to spend as much time with him as possible before he left.His response was why do i have to leave for u to want to see me?(aaw).So anyway we spent loads of time together and got really close in those last two weeks and we disused whether or not i should wait and he said he couldn't really ask me to but wanted me to but obviously we weren't serious yet .Well i decided i was going to and hoped this would make us decide what we wanted out of this situation.

    Im pretty sure he told me he loved me before he left -i heard him say in on three diff occasions into my hair but i wasn't sure so i never acknowledged it lol.

    Anyway its 4 weeks in and he has messaged me daily for the past 4 weeks and we text for hrs as soon as he gets off work he will msg me and we have skyped. However the past few days hes been a bit distant and when i asked him about it he said hes tired and stressed and its all too much and that hes not used to seeing someone while being deployed and that hes never found a balance and is used to putting himself first (not that hes saying he wants to now -we argued about this lol)

    I guess i dont know what i should do or expect from him as we aren't together but i think we act like we are and hes deff treating it like more than just a casual and he says he wants to make this work .My worry is when he gets back he only has 10 months left in uk so am i wasting my time on something that may never go anywhere?.I would move with him but would prefer him to extend if he could giving us more time.i worry he will cheat but everyone is sayin they do & i, finding it hard to trust him.

    people keep saying he will know how he feels about u the moment he gets back if not while hes over there and i should relax? And i dont even know what he is thinking if anything

    is he distant as hes going off me? or does he just find it hard as missing me? Its hard as we spoke so much and now the past week its not been the same

    Ive never done the whole casual thing but this doesn't seem casual to me right?

    Advice please and apologies for my story lo
    I'm sorry, but I had a very hard time following this post. It's kind of all over the place.

    As far as him getting distant while on deployment, I would say that seems common. My husband doesn't get like that but from participating on this board for the last few years I've seen it mentioned over and over again. I'd say that's normal.

    Next point...has he ever given you a reason to think he'd cheat on you? Just because people say (and I think this might be what you were getting at) he will cheat because he's in the military, doesn't mean he will. Not every military member is a cheater. Don't lump him into that if he has never given any reason to think he would.

    As for if this is casual...I would personally say no. But, I've never had a casual relationship. To me, a causal relationship would not be so monogamous. I suppose that means different things to different people though.

    I also wouldn't let the fact that he may or may not be leaving the UK dictate whether or not you should have a relationship with him.

    Sorry, not really sure what you're looking for in this post....
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    #3
    Sorry if my post was hard to follow i guess its all over the place much like myself atm

    As for the cheating he packed condoms - basically sent me a pic of the stuff he was packing for deployment and they were in the picture ( i guess he thought i wouldn't notice lol) - he could have said a number of things like were not serious but he just said he wasnt packing them just sorting stuff out at the same time but was CLEARLY packed very organized.I will never know what goes on over there and we arent very serious but he should credit me with a bit of honesty regarding this

    As for the distance i appreciate that and i never hopped to speak with him as much as he did but he has just changed so drastically it has made me worry

    tired and stressed fair enough but when i can see him online on whatts app and fb for hrs makes me doubt that ive tried my best to support him and stay positive which he says is grateful for and that im helping and ive let him know that the effort hes putting in isnt going unnoticed and i appreciate it .

    i think we just need to talk about what we both want when he gets back
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    #4
    I think my main issue is how do i act as i dont know where i stand with him even though he says hes seeing me and i dont want to have too many expectations or invest too much if he isnt feeling the same.Im hoping the conversation comes up while hes away as i dont want to force it as hes been so down lately and i dont want to stress him out when hes deployed as i know this is not what he needs.Ive always gone on a persons actions but his are not good recently .I never planned for this to be serious but i guess u cant plan these things and you definatly cannot help who u fall for !!!....im usually a very relaxed person would u believe lol
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    #5
    You could always send an email just asking what he expects from you while he's gone- for you to stay faithful, for you just to be friends, what he wants. I would do an email and not an IM so he doesn't feel rushed to answer...it is something you want him to think through. Obviously you have feelings for him so I think you all need to be on the same page sooner rather than later. I know some women disagree with me but a deployment does NOT give a man a free pass. No you don't want to stress him out but you also don't want to waste your time waiting for someone who isn't doing the same. Also it would really concern me if any man I was seeing was packing condoms. Most men don't just pack those if they aren't planning/hoping to use them.

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