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Thread: Frustrated with DF's stubborn decision!!

  1. Regular Member
    Bobbysgirrl's Avatar
    Bobbysgirrl is offline
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    Jul 2013

    Frustrated with DF's stubborn decision!!

    So my DF has dropped a serious bomb on me and I am truly struggling with it! He has opened up and told me he is struggling with depression that comes and goes. Before he deployed, he was diagnosed with TBI (traumatic brain injury). I was flabbergasted that they still deployed him even though he failed the test. Now he tells me he found out 2 months into this deployment that he has the option to come home but he REFUSES TO TAKE IT!! I have been worried sick about him going out in this condition, memory loss, headaches, depression, sadness...

    He says he wants to leave but wants to leave guilt free bc if anything happens to his team after he leaves he feels it would have been his fault. He also says God chose him for this job and he has to fulfill it. I feel and told him he has no regard for his safety and well being, never mind others because he's going out in this co dition. I understand his loyalty and leadership but I am honestly worried about him and if I'm honest, we are a LDL relationship and I just want him to come home...that may be awful but I told him the Army would replace you and if something happened to one of your guys it could just as easily be under so done else's direct tigon or even his bc no one is perfect. To which he responded, then I would take full responsibility. I am hurting so bad and worried bc I feel he is not being completely honest about how this deploy net came about, he'll say things like babe we need the money...
    I hate this and just wish he would go home, we would still be apart. It at least I know his life wouldn't be in danger!
  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
    JennyJennJenn's Avatar
    JennyJennJenn is offline
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    Nov 2008
    Me- NJ Him- Oklahoma

    The way I see it, if he's unfit for duty, they are going to send him home... it's not usually a choice. So I don't know how that works out, but regardless, if it were too bad for him to where ever he is, they would send him home. He's trained for what he does, and he obviously likes what he does, and he feels he owes it to the other people in his team to stick it out, as long as he's not harming himself further (which again, I have to say if it were that bad, he'd already be home) or putting others in danger, that's kind of the honorable thing to do.

    I get that you miss him, I understand all you want is to have him home and safe and in one piece and not injured any further. This is part of him too though, just because he feels the obligation to wait it out, doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, and doesn't love you too. It's his job, it's what he loves, and he's obviously proud of it.

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  3. Senior Member
    BlueJay's Avatar
    BlueJay is offline
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    Nov 2009
    North Carolina
    I think they send lots of people over who are mentally unfit for duty.

    That said, maybe he feels he is getting his depression under control. I can see reasons why he would not want to leave.

    To me its weird they gave him the option to go home. That seems odd. I would think they would either have him stay or send him home. Usually you don't get much decision power with the military, especially in situations like this.

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