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Thread: Deployment Breakup

  1. Cj9
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    Sad Deployment Breakup

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    My bf & I went to high school together, have stayed as friends for 12 yrs now. Last yr he asked me out & I couldn't say no ( fell head-over-heels totally in love) 3 months of being together then he deploys ( this is his 3rd deployment, my first) we're done with 9 months of his deployment. This hasn't been easy, but we've definitely had more good days than bad. We pretty much talked everyday( thank you fb & Skype) last week was rough for us we got into an argument & he asked for space,we didn't talk for 2 days. For those 2 days I thought we were about to break up so I was seriously hurting,he said I know I'm making this really stressful for you, I told him babe this isn't stressful, right now this is just hurts and it's heartbreaking. He called that night & said we have nothing to worry about, that he loves me and he can't wait to come to me. 2 days go by and everything is fine, then we get into a disagreement over fb (2:30am my time, and fell asleep on him mid-conversation) the next morning he calls and he's furious and says, he's done, he can't have another day of being mad at work all day over petty s**t. I let him speak first, then I said ok ( to which he says no you're not going to change my mind, I said I'm not going to try to change your mind. I just want to tell you my side of the story) I told him I'm sorry I fell asleep on him & I apologized that I contributed to him having a bad day at work, but that truly wasn't my intention, I typed out my response to him and I honestly fell asleep with the phone on my face. The conversation ended amicably, we said we loved each other, he said not to come to his homecoming and that maybe we could be friends later on. It's been a week now, ( he emailed me & said, not talking to you is very hard, i'm concerned about you, how are you holding up? To which I replied I'm studying for my exam and trying to keep myself busy. I hope you are safe and well. Take care) I'm hurting like hell, I miss him so much and I love him. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now, his family & friends are telling me to hold on (this is that last leg of his deployment & we've been through so much already)
  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Cj9 View Post
    My bf & I went to high school together, have stayed as friends for 12 yrs now. Last yr he asked me out & I couldn't say no ( fell head-over-heels totally in love) 3 months of being together then he deploys ( this is his 3rd deployment, my first) we're done with 9 months of his deployment. This hasn't been easy, but we've definitely had more good days than bad. We pretty much talked everyday( thank you fb & Skype) last week was rough for us we got into an argument & he asked for space,we didn't talk for 2 days. For those 2 days I thought we were about to break up so I was seriously hurting,he said I know I'm making this really stressful for you, I told him babe this isn't stressful, right now this is just hurts and it's heartbreaking. He called that night & said we have nothing to worry about, that he loves me and he can't wait to come to me. 2 days go by and everything is fine, then we get into a disagreement over fb (2:30am my time, and fell asleep on him mid-conversation) the next morning he calls and he's furious and says, he's done, he can't have another day of being mad at work all day over petty s**t. I let him speak first, then I said ok ( to which he says no you're not going to change my mind, I said I'm not going to try to change your mind. I just want to tell you my side of the story) I told him I'm sorry I fell asleep on him & I apologized that I contributed to him having a bad day at work, but that truly wasn't my intention, I typed out my response to him and I honestly fell asleep with the phone on my face. The conversation ended amicably, we said we loved each other, he said not to come to his homecoming and that maybe we could be friends later on. It's been a week now, ( he emailed me & said, not talking to you is very hard, i'm concerned about you, how are you holding up? To which I replied I'm studying for my exam and trying to keep myself busy. I hope you are safe and well. Take care) I'm hurting like hell, I miss him so much and I love him. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now, his family & friends are telling me to hold on (this is that last leg of his deployment & we've been through so much already)
    I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a whole lot of mixed messages you are getting and that is so frustrating. Ultimately, at this point, you need to look out for yourself first and formost - if you think you can hold on without losing too much of yourself in that process and that is what you want to do then that is the path to take. However, there is a pretty significant risk of that choice costing you more than you stand to gain. His reactions to this and his effort to lay blame one you for things that are NOT yours to own concern me.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by ZivaD View Post
    I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a whole lot of mixed messages you are getting and that is so frustrating. Ultimately, at this point, you need to look out for yourself first and formost - if you think you can hold on without losing too much of yourself in that process and that is what you want to do then that is the path to take. However, there is a pretty significant risk of that choice costing you more than you stand to gain. His reactions to this and his effort to lay blame one you for things that are NOT yours to own concern me.

    I'm sorry this is happeing OP.

  4. Cj9
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    He has been incredibly sweet, understanding, loving and supportive throughout this entire deployment thus far, over past 2-3 weeks he kept saying he was tired bc of his long shifts. I have no idea what it must be like for him and I won't ever fully understand what he's going through. I want to email him and let him know that I still care about him,but I don't know if that'll just push him further away from me. I'm not willing to walk away & just give up just yet. Have any of you gone through changes like this during your s/o's deployment?
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    It sounds to me like he's stressed. No, he shouldn't have gone the "I'm done" route, but it sounds like he said that out of frustration (which doesn't make it right). It really does sound like he tried to reach out to you, saying he misses talking to you and it's hard not to, and you pretty much shut him down with the answer you gave him. If I was in his position and told the person I love "talking to you is not hard, I miss you, how are you holding up" and I got "studying. take care" answer back I would be kinda taken aback. Why not tell him how you feel? That you miss him and that not talking to him is very hard too. Maybe he was trying to reach out to you, and realized what an ass he was. If you responded the way you did, it makes it sound like you're over it already. I'm not saying what he did was right at all, it was wrong, and childish, but I know I made stupid childish decisions sometimes in relationships that I regretted. Is this the first time this has happened?
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Cj9 View Post
    He has been incredibly sweet, understanding, loving and supportive throughout this entire deployment thus far, over past 2-3 weeks he kept saying he was tired bc of his long shifts. I have no idea what it must be like for him and I won't ever fully understand what he's going through. I want to email him and let him know that I still care about him,but I don't know if that'll just push him further away from me. I'm not willing to walk away & just give up just yet. Have any of you gone through changes like this during your s/o's deployment?
    My DF got extremely depressed towards the end of his deployment. He was trying his best to push me away but I'm just stubborn and didn't listen. In the end he told me that he was glad that I kept him in line during all of that. I'm not saying that's what is going on with your DB, but I had known my DF for over a year and a half/ two years at this point so I knew him pretty well. I'm sorry you're going through this.

    eta: I also agree with Reagan.Yea it was childish of him but your answer back to him wasn't very welcoming either. I would just tell him how you feel.

  7. Cj9
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    When I wrote back to him, I was honest with him & I didn't want him to feel like I wasn't giving him his space. But I can see how he might take my response as pushing him away. You ladies are right, I'm going to write back to him & I'll tell him that I love him & I miss him. Even if he decides to end it, atleast I can truly say that I gave it my all.
    Praying that this all works out.
    Thank you for your responses.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Cj9 View Post
    When I wrote back to him, I was honest with him & I didn't want him to feel like I wasn't giving him his space. But I can see how he might take my response as pushing him away. You ladies are right, I'm going to write back to him & I'll tell him that I love him & I miss him. Even if he decides to end it, atleast I can truly say that I gave it my all.
    Praying that this all works out.
    Thank you for your responses.

  9. I miss Target & Trader Joe's, open roads & the smell of home
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Cj9 View Post
    When I wrote back to him, I was honest with him & I didn't want him to feel like I wasn't giving him his space. But I can see how he might take my response as pushing him away. You ladies are right, I'm going to write back to him & I'll tell him that I love him & I miss him. Even if he decides to end it, atleast I can truly say that I gave it my all.
    Praying that this all works out.
    Thank you for your responses.
    I agree with Reagan too.
  10. scotlandgrl53
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    I hope it works out how you want!
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