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Thread: Worried Newbie!

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Worried Newbie!

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    Hey there, guys! As the title would suggest, I'm a newbie to this forum AND to dating a military guy who's currently deployed. I dated him roughly 2.5 months before he deployed to Afghanistan, and we're about halfway through at this point. Initially, he was very consistent in contacting me every six days or so, but he changed jobs and places, and since that occurred I rarely hear from him. It has now been a month since I last heard from him, and while I'm not in full-blown panic mode, I am starting to naturally worry as I have not met any of his family and do not know any of his friends because we hadn't been dating long before he left. I know there really is no "normal" in military communication, but I don't know if I should be more worried than I am or not be at all. In addition, I'm starting to feel insecure and am surely inventing scenarios thinking he doesn't want to talk to me. Any suggestions on dealing with this? I deal with things well, but I think it's natural to worry some.
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    #2
    Hi and welcome. I'm always reluctant to respond to posts regarding frequency of communication (even though once I posted about this very topic) because DF and I talk everyday, just about, unless he's on an extended mission. Some people will say its not healthy but we've always had a long distance relationship and we thrive on daily communication. Do you have any way of contacting him? Email? FB? Did something in particular happen that would lead you to believe he doesn't want to talk to you? I know it can be extremely frustrating but just wait and see what happens. His new job may be extremely stressful and he doesn't want to vent to you or is just in the pits. Most men tend to retract when they are stressed. Sending you hugs and much love and blessings!
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    Thanks! When he's home, we're long-distance as well and alternate weekends. From the day we first started talking until the day he flew out, we communicated every single day. Right now is the longest I've ever gone without talking to him. While he's deployed, we primarily communicate using an app called Viber that allows him to call and text me as long as he has wifi. Occasionally, we would use Yahoo IM, but Viber works a lot better. We do not do FB, and the only email he sent me was when he was still here just to give me workout routines, and it was his work email, so I'm not sure about using it for personal means. The last time we spoke, there was no indication given there was an issue between us and he seemed pretty normal. He and I are both laid-back and have never had any arguments while he's been deployed. At the beginning, he was having some issues which is why he eventually was moved to another team. He was very unhappy with his situation at first and said he's much happier where he is now, but his new job seems to require more time and he goes to meetings constantly. I'm sure he's extremely busy, and I'm okay with that, I'm just worried that it's been such a long stretch of time. Also, as long as his phone was left turned on, his Viber account would almost always show as online unless there was a blackout; however, it has been offline nearly 14 days so that concerns me as well. Hopefully I will hear from him soon. When his account is online, I'm able to leave him messages and see when he reads them, but when it is offline it's not possible. Thanks for the reply and kind words.
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    Hi and welcome!

    I know exactly how that feels.. My DF has relocated too and it's frustrating cuz the internet connections there are terrible.. I barley hear from him myself anymore, and before that we use to talk n write almost every day. I havent heard from him now for 2 weeks and just like u I'm getting both worried and frustrated. But I suppose it doesnt really help cuz the only thing that does is making me feel worse about the whole thing, and since I'm kinda over analytic I have a tendency to over think everything n create scenarios that's not even there (terrible scenarios if I might add) ..

    U said that he has a Viber account... mine has a Skype account.. but just b aware that sometimes they get a glimps of internet connection and all the messages goes through n we think they have read it but they haven't, or not able to reply.. I learned that the hard way

    Just hang in there.. keep texting him and soon enough u'll hear from him
    U r always welcome to contact me if u need to talk or just vent

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    Thanks for the welcome! Sometimes it's difficult talking to my friends and family about my feelings regarding my DB mainly because they don't understand how things work in the military and continuously ask me why I've not heard from him. If I knew, I'd definitely tell them and not be worrying as I am! As you said yourself, you tend to over analyze things, and unfortunately for me, I've been doing the same thing lately by piecing information together concerning a news article I read and because I know what my DB does as his job, and that is what really got me worrying about the situation considering I do not know his friends or family and really have no way of knowing if he's been injured unless he himself has told someone to tell me. He's always telling me I have nothing to worry about and I have no need to worry about him and he's not worth the worry, to which I reply I'm sorry, but there is no way I can't worry about him. People tell me not to read the news or look on certain websites, but it's hard for me not to due to my personality and feeling like I don't know what's going on. I'm maintaining my calm and not flipping out, but I miss hearing from him and telling him about all the shenanigans I get into at work and such. I'll keep on trucking until I figure out something though.
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    #6
    I think a month is too long to go without ZERO comms...at this stage in AFG. I guarantee you he has access, he is just choosing not to for whatever reason. Even if he's "extremely busy" it takes 5 seconds to send a "hey, i'm super busy" email/message/call. Have you left a message on his viber asking him to make contact with you?
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by carmel11725 View Post
    I think a month is too long to go without ZERO comms...at this stage in AFG. I guarantee you he has access, he is just choosing not to for whatever reason. Even if he's "extremely busy" it takes 5 seconds to send a "hey, i'm super busy" email/message/call. Have you left a message on his viber asking him to make contact with you?
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by carmel11725 View Post
    I think a month is too long to go without ZERO comms...at this stage in AFG. I guarantee you he has access, he is just choosing not to for whatever reason. Even if he's "extremely busy" it takes 5 seconds to send a "hey, i'm super busy" email/message/call. Have you left a message on his viber asking him to make contact with you?
    i'm having this problem with DB right now.. & hes not even deployed. for the last few days though he'll literally send me one text a day saying "sorry i fell asleep last night", or whatever excuse.
    he's in the process of moving into his housing & buying furniture & stuff.. . but still. .
  9. Fresh Newbie
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by carmel11725 View Post
    I think a month is too long to go without ZERO comms...at this stage in AFG. I guarantee you he has access, he is just choosing not to for whatever reason. Even if he's "extremely busy" it takes 5 seconds to send a "hey, i'm super busy" email/message/call. Have you left a message on his viber asking him to make contact with you?
    No, I've not left any messages. In fact, I've not messaged him since the last time he messaged me over a month ago, but everything seemed fine. I would send him a message now, but his viber account went offline and it says he's not been online since the end of last month. Unless he comes back online, he wouldn't get the message anyway. This is slightly frustrating, but it is what it is, and I can't really do anything about it I suppose until I really know what the issue is. Thank you for the input.
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    I ended up sending him a quick message on his Viber account, but it won't deliver unless his account is online, so I'm not sure if that is of any use. This is unlike him, and he's always been open and honest about things, no matter what. As I said before, I'm bad about keeping up with the news in the area where he is, and unfortunately a few days after his account went offline, I read about an incident that occurred where he is that resulted in casualties to soldiers in his battalion doing the job that he told me is now doing, which is why my worry has escalated.
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