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Thread: wow deployment sucks

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    #1

    wow deployment sucks

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    This is my first deployment and it has been a whole two weeks since he left I have months left and I am feeling alone. usually I do very well on my own and seem to avoid being sad over things I can't change, but right before my husband left we were doing so well. I feel alone since I was so close to him before he left. he on the other hand is choosing the gym and hanging out while he is there over talking or skyping with me. I know I should be appreciative that I even get the chance to talk to him, but its hard when that's the only thing that is keeping me going. Its hard to know that he does have free time and internet and chooses not to spend time talking to me. I know he is probably just trying to keep busy and stay focused, but its such a long time. I have talked to him about it once but he said I don't need to stress him out that he needs to do what he wants and if I do stress him out we cant talk. i'm having a hard time dealing with the deployment and when he said that I felt like my support from him left when he did. just needed to vent I guess
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by georgiapeaches View Post
    This is my first deployment and it has been a whole two weeks since he left I have months left and I am feeling alone. usually I do very well on my own and seem to avoid being sad over things I can't change, but right before my husband left we were doing so well. I feel alone since I was so close to him before he left. he on the other hand is choosing the gym and hanging out while he is there over talking or skyping with me. I know I should be appreciative that I even get the chance to talk to him, but its hard when that's the only thing that is keeping me going. Its hard to know that he does have free time and internet and chooses not to spend time talking to me. I know he is probably just trying to keep busy and stay focused, but its such a long time. I have talked to him about it once but he said I don't need to stress him out that he needs to do what he wants and if I do stress him out we cant talk. i'm having a hard time dealing with the deployment and when he said that I felt like my support from him left when he did. just needed to vent I guess
    I didn't realize this was your first deployment - your intro made it seem that you had been through this before.
    I think it is important that you start to to focus on building a life of your own while he is away so that you are not so dependent on him/contact with him to get through this time. Did the two of you discuss expectations of communication before he left? How often are the two of you in contact at the moment? There is nothing wrong with either one of you having things to do outside of communicating with each other during all free time....it's about finding balance that meets the needs of both of you to have time for yourself and your activities and time for focusing on your relationship.
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    You can't expect him to use all his free time to communicate with you. Likewise, you can't sit around spending all your free time waiting for him to come online. It is not healthy. You both need to find a balance, set a time to talk that you both agree to.

    Honestly, DH and I had terrible comms during deployment..I would get a call from him once a week (skype once in a blue moon). Even then on the day I knew he was going to call, often times I missed it because I was busy. I was not going to stop my life and wait by the phone. That would have been a waste of a YEAR! What worked for us is that we emailed daily, that way when we had the time to email we did, no pressure to drop everything to communicate daily,

    The thing about deployment is you gotta go with the flow and adapt. Communication is going to change. If you haven't already, it is a great time to learn about yourself and do new things. It is sad sometimes, but a great experience to become self-reliant. Try not to dwell on how much you miss him, instead put all that energy into new experiences.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by ZivaD View Post
    I didn't realize this was your first deployment - your intro made it seem that you had been through this before.
    I think it is important that you start to to focus on building a life of your own while he is away so that you are not so dependent on him/contact with him to get through this time. Did the two of you discuss expectations of communication before he left? How often are the two of you in contact at the moment? There is nothing wrong with either one of you having things to do outside of communicating with each other during all free time....it's about finding balance that meets the needs of both of you to have time for yourself and your activities and time for focusing on your relationship.
    I think that is why I am having such a hard time usually I am fine when he is gone and I really focus on myself and being healthy, but just being in a new environment with little support is hard. we did talk about expectations on communication and we were both worried about not being able to talk to each other. I prepared myself and realized I would have to go out and venture on my own and stay busy, but now that he is actually gone I feel like I have gotten into a slump. I'm not mad at him for keeping busy, but I almost wish I could trade with him. I feel like time flies for him.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Amanduh View Post
    You can't expect him to use all his free time to communicate with you. Likewise, you can't sit around spending all your free time waiting for him to come online. It is not healthy. You both need to find a balance, set a time to talk that you both agree to.

    Honestly, DH and I had terrible comms during deployment..I would get a call from him once a week (skype once in a blue moon). Even then on the day I knew he was going to call, often times I missed it because I was busy. I was not going to stop my life and wait by the phone. That would have been a waste of a YEAR! What worked for us is that we emailed daily, that way when we had the time to email we did, no pressure to drop everything to communicate daily,

    The thing about deployment is you gotta go with the flow and adapt. Communication is going to change. If you haven't already, it is a great time to learn about yourself and do new things. It is sad sometimes, but a great experience to become self-reliant. Try not to dwell on how much you miss him, instead put all that energy into new experiences.
    thanks for the insight, I guess I know what I need to do its just doing it. any recommendations on what I can stay busy with?
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    It was hard in the beginning, but then I just embraced it. So I understand that it is hard at first.

    I started running, I used a 5k app to train for a 5k. It was a really good way to eat up 30min-1hr of evening time that I just sat around doing nothing.

    Cooking/baking - about once a week I tried a new recipe.

    I worked a lot.

    Netflix - I watched all those TV shows that I never had time to watch and I know DH wouldn't want to. That is honestly how I spent my 'bad' days: watching episode after episode of netflix.

    Another thing we did as a couple was save most of the deployment money and when he got back we furnished our apartment with new stuff. We had enough to completely redo everything...and it didn't take too much work to save the extra pay. So, I did a lot of window shopping while he was gone, and research and finding the best deal. It was totally something to look forward to when he came back, and gave us something to talk about instead of 'I miss you...'

    These are just suggestions that I did, anything that you enjoy doing will work.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Amanduh View Post
    It was hard in the beginning, but then I just embraced it. So I understand that it is hard at first.

    I started running, I used a 5k app to train for a 5k. It was a really good way to eat up 30min-1hr of evening time that I just sat around doing nothing.

    Cooking/baking - about once a week I tried a new recipe.

    I worked a lot.

    Netflix - I watched all those TV shows that I never had time to watch and I know DH wouldn't want to. That is honestly how I spent my 'bad' days: watching episode after episode of netflix.

    Another thing we did as a couple was save most of the deployment money and when he got back we furnished our apartment with new stuff. We had enough to completely redo everything...and it didn't take too much work to save the extra pay. So, I did a lot of window shopping while he was gone, and research and finding the best deal. It was totally something to look forward to when he came back, and gave us something to talk about instead of 'I miss you...'

    These are just suggestions that I did, anything that you enjoy doing will work.
    . Thanks so much these are great ideas! I appreciate you taking the time to share!

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