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Thread: "Has he shot anybody yet?" Dealing with awkward questions about bf's deployment

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    #1

    "Has he shot anybody yet?" Dealing with awkward questions about bf's deployment

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    Hi everyone, been a while since I posted. My bf's been on deployment in Afg for a few months now, few months to go yet. He's in the Army reserves and I work at a university where NO ONE else has anyone in the military.

    I generally keep my life private and not a lot of people know that my bf is serving overseas. Those acquaintances that DO know sometimes ask awkward questions, like "has he shot anybody yet?" or "is he seeing a lot of combat?"

    What do you all say to these people? If my bf HAD shot somebody, he probably (hopefully) wouldn't tell me. I wouldn't want to know, really, and I sure as hell wouldn't share it with anybody.

    And if he IS in combat, clearly I'd be super worried about him, and that kind of question could bring up a lot of feelings.

    That said, I'm very lucky that my bf is mostly suffering from crippling boredom.

    I think I'm also frustrated bc I feel very alone. I run his life (bills, house, truck), but we're not married so officially I'm nobody, and he's reserves, so other soldiers' family members from his company are far away and I haven't met many anyways.

    Anyone else got something similar going on? Or encounter similar horrible questions from people?
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by lindsayrose View Post
    Hi everyone, been a while since I posted. My bf's been on deployment in Afg for a few months now, few months to go yet. He's in the Army reserves and I work at a university where NO ONE else has anyone in the military.

    I generally keep my life private and not a lot of people know that my bf is serving overseas. Those acquaintances that DO know sometimes ask awkward questions, like "has he shot anybody yet?" or "is he seeing a lot of combat?"

    What do you all say to these people? If my bf HAD shot somebody, he probably (hopefully) wouldn't tell me. I wouldn't want to know, really, and I sure as hell wouldn't share it with anybody.
    And if he IS in combat, clearly I'd be super worried about him, and that kind of question could bring up a lot of feelings.

    That said, I'm very lucky that my bf is mostly suffering from crippling boredom.

    I think I'm also frustrated bc I feel very alone. I run his life (bills, house, truck), but we're not married so officially I'm nobody, and he's reserves, so other soldiers' family members from his company are far away and I haven't met many anyways.

    Anyone else got something similar going on? Or encounter similar horrible questions from people?
    Sounds like a pretty good answer to me
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by ZivaD View Post
    Sounds like a pretty good answer to me
    I agree!
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    Thanks I probably just need to practice that response.
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    #5
    Well you could always say something like "well that's a pretty inappropriate question so I certainly have never asked him that!"
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    #6
    I would just tell them that's a really inappropriate question and frankly none of their business. My SO doesn't tell me that he has killed people, but given his job and the amount of deployments I know he has, but if someone asked me that, I would honestly be furious. So inappropriate.


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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by *Emma* View Post
    Well you could always say something like "well that's a pretty inappropriate question so I certainly have never asked him that!"
    This is what I was thinking.
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    #8
    I haven't encountered those questions yet, but DH just left for BCT for the Reserves, so I'm sure it's just a matter of time. We don't live in a military town either, so I get where you're coming from. People have already said the most ridiculous things though, like, "You must really be livin it up with your husband being gone!" or "It must be nice getting rid of your husband for 6 months!", and "Oh, you'll settle in and wish you could send him away all the time!". Umm... no not really. I'm adjusting to him being gone, but I still miss him and wish he were home!! I agree with what others said though. Hang in there!
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    #9
    my DH has "shorter" deployments compared to most branches, but deploys every year. So most "civilian" minded people (I know I know, i'm a civilian... just insert whatever word here that means someone who knows very little about military) think that everyone deploys for a year, right? Before one of DH's deployments we were visiting his hometown and some bitch that was a friend of the family when asked how long he was deploying for and he said like 5-6 months she legit said "Oh is that all? Why is it so short?" like really? and who are you again? So I answered her something sort of holier than thou like "because his job is so dangerous and stressful that's why, thanks." I know I know not a very humble answer but I was so pissed I didn't care how stuck up that came across
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by alice04 View Post
    my DH has "shorter" deployments compared to most branches, but deploys every year. So most "civilian" minded people (I know I know, i'm a civilian... just insert whatever word here that means someone who knows very little about military) think that everyone deploys for a year, right? Before one of DH's deployments we were visiting his hometown and some bitch that was a friend of the family when asked how long he was deploying for and he said like 5-6 months she legit said "Oh is that all? Why is it so short?" like really? and who are you again? So I answered her something sort of holier than thou like "because his job is so dangerous and stressful that's why, thanks." I know I know not a very humble answer but I was so pissed I didn't care how stuck up that came across
    I've encountered this too... My SO deploys for around 4 months at a time, but EVERY 8 months. He is now on his 7th or 8th deployment, I've lost count at this point. I would have honestly laid into her, I cannot stand people like that.


    "May you never go to hell, but always be on your way."
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