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Thread: Saying goodbye before deployment.

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    #1

    Saying goodbye before deployment.

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    We are coming up on our first deployment here soon, I am so nervous/scared/sad, etc. I am wondering how everyone says goodbye. I want to spend as much time with him as I can before he leaves, but am scared if I sit at the airport with him I will breakdown. What does everyone find as the easiest way to say goodbye?Do I just take him to the airport and say goodbye at the car, or wait at the terminal with him for the couple hours waiting to go? Also any first deployment advice/words of encouragement would be amazing, trying to hang in there but the fact that he is leaving soon is always on my mind.
  2. Pour a little salt, we were never here
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    #2
    The night before he left, I silently cried through an entire game of pool, then went to bed and he finished packing. The next morning, I went to the gate with him. We sat and talked. I stood in line with him until he had to give his ticket to the gate agent and board. He gave me a half hug and a peck. It made me sad not to have a full death crush bear hug, but at the same time it was great. He disappeared and I turned and cried the whole way to my car. By the time I got home, I was better.

    There's really no right answer. It's a hard moment, but it gets better once it's over.
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    #3
    ive never had to drop him off at the airport. our deployments were always spending 3-4 hours on base just waiting for them to leave so i dont have much advice. i did get 90% of my crying done before we got to base though, because i didnt want him to leave and the last image he had of me was me crying. so i only let a few tears go while we were there and when he got on the bus. and i cried the whole way home. there is not best or worst way to say goodbye. just go with whatever you are feeling in the moment and roll with it. you can assume youll react one way and actually have an entirely different reaction when the time comes. deployments surprise you like that sometimes.
    we kicked deployment #2's butt!

  4. Ummmmm...........
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    #4
    The day DH left on deployment we got to the ship early by like 2 hours. Liberty expired for them 2 hours before the ship pulled out. Family and friends were allowed to stay right up until they left. I planned on staying right up to that minute and see the ship leave. We (my dad and I) went on the ship, walked around and showed my dad where DH worked and then it just hit me. I knew I couldn't stay any longer. I couldn't stand on that pier and watch him go away. I told DH I had to go and he walked me and my dad to the end of the pier and we had a wonderful, sad but wonderful and private, good-bye.

    I don't regret leaving over an hour early. I was just to the point where I needed to be free of the "deployment preparation" stress and anxiety. I needed to get the ball rolling and learn to live with him away from me. I will probably do the same for the deployment we have coming up in January. If I could avoid going to base I probably would but DH would need a ride to the ship. My dad and I drove back to my apartment, I cried in my room for a while, and when I was ready my dad and spent the rest of our day packing my apartment up and getting ready for our cross-county drive.

    I guess what I am saying is...feel it out. Plan to stay but do what feels right. It was right for me to leave, that is what I had to do. It might be right for you to stay.
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    #5
    When my DF has to go, I usually drive him to the airport, go in and get a gate pass (just ask the person at the ticket counter for his airline, even if you aren't married I've found that you can get a gate pass), and wait with him at the gate.

    Normally, I can head home after he hugs me and gets on the plane, but when he was heading back to Afghanistan after mid-deployment leave, I was stuck to the window watching his plane and hoping for a glimpse of him through the tiny windows, then I sprinted through the terminal to the windows at the end to watch the plane take off. Yeah, I was a mess.

    Like PP have said, you have to feel out the situation and just go with what is right for you two. It's an emotional experience, for sure.
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    #6
    When DB left a few weeks ago it was so hard and I was right where you are, wondering what to do. He had thee days between a training and deployment. The plan was for me to get a ride to base, stay with him the Friday, say a private goodbye and leave Saturday morning with his truck. But when I got there Friday he decided he needed his truck (which he really did) up until they left the air base.

    So, I was with him 24/7 at work since we didn't have a set hotel room. I watched him pack his gear, call his family, check his lists, and do endless tasks for his job before going. It was heart wrenching because I knew our time was ticking and I just wanted to hold on.

    I cried a little when we went to bed the night before he left. He didn't want me to be upset so I tried really hard to hide it. We sat for three hours at the hanger and I chewed LOTS of gum to try not to cry the whole time. It's hard when there are other s/o's and moms and whatnot around you crying out loud. But, I held it all in and when it was time to go we stood up, he gave me a quick hug and a quick kiss, said I love you and I turned and walked away, eyes full of tears and holding my breath until I got out of his sight.

    Quick goodbye seems to work best for us.
    If we had stood their a second longer I would have lost it. His poor truck got the brunt of it the hour drive home.

    Do what feels right in your heart. There is no right or wrong way to cope or deal with goodbyes. They always suck. But the hello will be so worth it.

    Xoxo
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    #7
    As has been said, this is something that you and your SO are going to have to decide for yourselves as to what is best for your goodbye. For my husband and I, we always took a "bandaid" approach to goodbye - meaning we find it is easiest, and least painful, to just rip it off in one swoop vs. peeling it off slowly.

    When you get a minute you might want to pop into the "Newbies" section and post an intro so we can all get to know you a bit better. There is also a lot of great info there about the site, etc that you'll want to read.
  8. Breathe and chill
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    #8
    With his last deployment, the first time he left for the actual deployment, he had come home for like 3 days before he had to leave. His buddy picked him up from our house; he kissed me bye in the kitchen and then walked out the door. I fell apart in the privacy of my own home with no shame, and then called my mom who came over and sat with me for like an hour or so then I took the dog for a walk and started keeping busy.

    I was also a big one to cry after he fell asleep laying in bed next to him; occasionally he would hear me and just pull me in and hold me, without saying a word. Othertimes, he was too passed out to realize

    When he left from R&R, I drove him to the airport. We were planning on me saying goodbye before he walked through security, but I was silently crying bright red eyed hot mess and the adorable lady at the baggage check asked if I wanted a pass to go back and wait with him without me asking . DH (NEWLY DF at the time) answered for me and I walked back and we sat together watching the planes come in and out while we waited for him to be called. I cried off and on the whole time; he knew I was upset and I SUCK at not crying . When it came time for him to board, we hugged, kissed goodbye and I walked away. As soon as I was out of his eye-sight I uninentionally became "that girl" sobbing hysterically in the airport until I could find a bathroom to hide in. Somebody made a comment to me that "Oh, it can't be that bad, sweetheart" and I (rudely) completely ignored her. I just couldn't pull myself together.

    I think you just have to figure out what works best for YOU and remember there is no shame in crying in front of him. At least, in our relationship, he always tells me that I'm "leaking again"
    Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like a boss.

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    #9
    We never had just him at the airport "see ya later" 's (we don't call them goodbyes) until after we had kids, so that pretty much has ruled our decision. Simply put, he wanted every available moment with the kids that he could get, so we always go to the gate with him.

    It's really such a personal thing and there is no right or wrong answer. You have to choose what the two of you can handle and the way that makes the most sense for you and your relationship.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by redkt24 View Post
    When my DF has to go, I usually drive him to the airport, go in and get a gate pass (just ask the person at the ticket counter for his airline, even if you aren't married I've found that you can get a gate pass), and wait with him at the gate.

    Normally, I can head home after he hugs me and gets on the plane, but when he was heading back to Afghanistan after mid-deployment leave, I was stuck to the window watching his plane and hoping for a glimpse of him through the tiny windows, then I sprinted through the terminal to the windows at the end to watch the plane take off. Yeah, I was a mess.

    Like PP have said, you have to feel out the situation and just go with what is right for you two. It's an emotional experience, for sure.
    That's what I did when DF left. I cut through a lot of people going through security by saying "excuse me" & explaining when they seemed annoyed. Then we'd like 10 minutes at the gate, tops. We shared a sandwich & then we kissed, he got his ticket scanned, we kissed again & then he left. Then I sped walked through the airport, got to my car, drove to the gym while crying & then worked out for an hour to take my mind off everything.
    "You think you know what you're looking for, till what you're looking for finds you."
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