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Thread: First deployment.....I think I suck at this

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    #1

    First deployment.....I think I suck at this

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    Two weeks down on my first deployment and all I want to do is complain about how bad this sucks to anyone that will listen. They say time will fly by but every hour feels like eternity. Also, my friends husband went to the same place and she heard from him everyday. I have had ONE phone call since he arrived in Afghanistan. What the crap?! This seriously sucks. Bad. I've been letting my kids watch double their normal amount of tv time and I counted pasta sauce as a veggie yesterday. I think I'm bad at deployment. I wanted to be all cool and graceful like Jackie O when JFK died.....I'm more like Bridget Jones singing "all by myself" and eating boat loads of Godiva.
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    #2
    My DH has been gone about a month-ish. I think it's gotten worse not better But today just SUCKED. He was online several times and I kept missing him. UGH.

    I like to complain about how bad it sucks too, lol. I just still am in shock at how long that many months really is O.o

    The one thing that has improved is I'm slightly (very slightly) less scatterbrained.

    There's lots of people here in the same boat. And they can be great support.

    And welcome to the site!
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    Thanks! I was awesome at first.....kicking deployment butt! But today, I realized I suck. It's like it just hit me.....how loooooong this is going to be. It's really hard to wrap your brain around, isn't it? And I'm wicked lonely but I don't want to do anything. I'm normally so chill so this constant spazzing is really messing with my brain!
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    #4
    You might wanna head over to the newbies section and introduce yourself

    I totally feel you on the being lonely but not wanting to do anything. I think it's especially hard sometimes because most of my friends have husbands who aren't deployed and who have never been deployed, they're nice about it and try to understand and I appreciate that, but it just isn't quite the same. It's hard to understand till you're doing it/have done it (or at least that's how I feel). That's a reason why MSOS is so awesome, because there's all these people who have done it before you or are going through it with you. It's awesome to be able to relate.
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    Time only "flies" if we keep busy. I work 50h/wk, volunteer at an animal shelter, clean my apt, make super decorated care packages, write letters, & shop to occupy my time. Despite all that, I sometimes feel as though the clock is giving me the finger and ticking thrice as slow. As for the difference in communication, Idk what to tell you. Maybe they've different jobs & different shifts? Once things settle down & y'all get into a routine, I hope it gets better!
    "You think you know what you're looking for, till what you're looking for finds you."
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by belovedreamery View Post
    Time only "flies" if we keep busy. I work 50h/wk, volunteer at an animal shelter, clean my apt, make super decorated care packages, write letters, & shop to occupy my time. Despite all that, I sometimes feel as though the clock is giving me the finger and ticking thrice as slow. As for the difference in communication, Idk what to tell you. Maybe they've different jobs & different shifts? Once things settle down & y'all get into a routine, I hope it gets better!


    Getting into an intense fitness routine always helps me too.

    www.SnarkyFit.com
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    #7
    it sucks for sure.

    Try not to compare communication. My friend hears from her husband everyday at least twice. I hear from mine here and there. Same company, same job, same location etc. But her husband's platoon is on fob gaurd and mine is on patrol almost everyday. There are so many factors affecting communication.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by ABSB View Post
    Two weeks down on my first deployment and all I want to do is complain about how bad this sucks to anyone that will listen. They say time will fly by but every hour feels like eternity. Also, my friends husband went to the same place and she heard from him everyday. I have had ONE phone call since he arrived in Afghanistan. What the crap?! This seriously sucks. Bad. I've been letting my kids watch double their normal amount of tv time and I counted pasta sauce as a veggie yesterday. I think I'm bad at deployment. I wanted to be all cool and graceful like Jackie O when JFK died.....I'm more like Bridget Jones singing "all by myself" and eating boat loads of Godiva.

    I am about to say something - and I mean it with the utmost kindness. The fact of the matter is, if you continue in that mindset, the rest of the deployment WILL suck just as bad (or worse) as it sucks right now. I am not saying that deployments don't suck, they do - but there comes a point where one has to choose between wallowing and climbing out of the suck. This is your first go-round, so you are in new territory, and that makes it harder to climb, but you will be so glad that you do.
    To the second bolded - comparing your experience to that of anyone else, even when their SO is in the same place, at the same time, doing the same deployment as your SO is just bad news bears all around. Either you end up feeling like you do - or you are the one on the other side and can find yourself becoming the target of the jealousy of the others. There are so many factors that go into how much comm each couple has during these things. Did you guys talk about expectations regarding comm before he left? Keep in mind that even if you did, what you plan/hope for and what he finds once he actually gets there can require some change of plans. When it comes to comm, I found it best to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. If you expect none, and get some - you are grateful; if you expect a lot, and get little - you are disappointed or even angry.
    You'll find your footing, but at this point it might require actually looking for it rather than hoping it comes. What I mean by that is - fake it until you make it. You may feel like sitting around, staring at the phone and waiting for it to ring - but you (and the kiddos) will do much better if you instead get out side, go to the park, play a board game, do SOMETHING. Sunshine alone is great medicine - add in some activity and you have a double dose of "starting to feel better". Set small goals for yourself. Things you want to do in a week, a month, etc - rather than looking at the deployment as one big, gaping stretch of time. Are your kids school age? Are you a SAHM or do you work outside the house? Are you/the kids involved in any organized activities?

    You CAN do this - in fact, you WILL do this - even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Cut yourself some slack (ie the veggie pasta sauce and tv) but don't let yourself get too caught up in seeing the current situation as an excuse to sit in the suck.
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    #9
    You hit it right on. I was going to say exactly the same thing.



    Quote Originally Posted by ZivaD View Post

    I am about to say something - and I mean it with the utmost kindness. The fact of the matter is, if you continue in that mindset, the rest of the deployment WILL suck just as bad (or worse) as it sucks right now. I am not saying that deployments don't suck, they do - but there comes a point where one has to choose between wallowing and climbing out of the suck. This is your first go-round, so you are in new territory, and that makes it harder to climb, but you will be so glad that you do.
    To the second bolded - comparing your experience to that of anyone else, even when their SO is in the same place, at the same time, doing the same deployment as your SO is just bad news bears all around. Either you end up feeling like you do - or you are the one on the other side and can find yourself becoming the target of the jealousy of the others. There are so many factors that go into how much comm each couple has during these things. Did you guys talk about expectations regarding comm before he left? Keep in mind that even if you did, what you plan/hope for and what he finds once he actually gets there can require some change of plans. When it comes to comm, I found it best to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. If you expect none, and get some - you are grateful; if you expect a lot, and get little - you are disappointed or even angry.
    You'll find your footing, but at this point it might require actually looking for it rather than hoping it comes. What I mean by that is - fake it until you make it. You may feel like sitting around, staring at the phone and waiting for it to ring - but you (and the kiddos) will do much better if you instead get out side, go to the park, play a board game, do SOMETHING. Sunshine alone is great medicine - add in some activity and you have a double dose of "starting to feel better". Set small goals for yourself. Things you want to do in a week, a month, etc - rather than looking at the deployment as one big, gaping stretch of time. Are your kids school age? Are you a SAHM or do you work outside the house? Are you/the kids involved in any organized activities?

    You CAN do this - in fact, you WILL do this - even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Cut yourself some slack (ie the veggie pasta sauce and tv) but don't let yourself get too caught up in seeing the current situation as an excuse to sit in the suck.
  10. Fresh Newbie
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    I actually keep really super busy.....I homeschool both of my kids, work from home, work out, and I'm a dive mom (my son dives 6 days a week for 3-4 hours plus the commute). I'm not hurting on stuff to do! And I went in with a great attitude thinking about all that I could accomplish, money I could save and bad tv I could watch without the eyebrow raise(; yesterday just sucked and these two weeks have felt like a lifetime. I was just looking for somewhere to vent because I don't want to scare off my friends. I appreciate all the advice. I've read pretty much every piece of literature I could find on dealing with deployment and what to expect mentally. I just wanted to bitch with someone(: haha. I truly am blessed....living in SoCal in a great community! Other than being lonely because my best friend is gone and not getting laid for an extended period of time I really have no reason to be down. .......and honestly, pms is in high gear so that probably accounts for a good amount of my blues, lol
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