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Thread: 1st Deployment! New city, No friends, No support, PLEASE HELP!

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    #1

    Help 1st Deployment! New city, No friends, No support, PLEASE HELP!

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    Hello!

    My name is Leesa! I am a very open person and I enjoy that about myself. I am a lesbian military Significant Other! My partner is active duty in the United States Air Force and she has just left on her second deployment!

    This is her second deployment, my first time having to deal with it! I;m pretty sure that I won't get much of any support because I am not what people consider your "typical" military spouse but I just remain hopeful that someone will take into consideration that I am a spouse as well and need support and help just as much as the next person.

    We live here in Abilene and it is very small and we are not the couple that gets the best kind of support. I am a little scared and feel quite alone to say the least! She left today and I have been trying to keep myself busy and keep my mind off of it all day long! It hasn't worked out all the best! I know it will get better and I am just waiting for the time when it is "better"! She will be gone for a while and I want to ensure that I am positive at least for her because I don't want her to worry or be sad. I love her with every ounce of me and I just want to make it through this!

    PLEASE HELP!
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by MrsDeason View Post
    Hello!

    My name is Leesa! I am a very open person and I enjoy that about myself. I am a lesbian military Significant Other! My partner is active duty in the United States Air Force and she has just left on her second deployment!

    This is her second deployment, my first time having to deal with it! I;m pretty sure that I won't get much of any support because I am not what people consider your "typical" military spouse but I just remain hopeful that someone will take into consideration that I am a spouse as well and need support and help just as much as the next person.


    We live here in Abilene and it is very small and we are not the couple that gets the best kind of support. I am a little scared and feel quite alone to say the least! She left today and I have been trying to keep myself busy and keep my mind off of it all day long! It hasn't worked out all the best! I know it will get better and I am just waiting for the time when it is "better"! She will be gone for a while and I want to ensure that I am positive at least for her because I don't want her to worry or be sad. I love her with every ounce of me and I just want to make it through this!

    PLEASE HELP!
    and

    I have to say, as I read your post the bolded really stood out to me - and I wanted to comment on that. I think that having that mindset going into this is going to handicap any effort you make in having a different experience than the one you are already anticipating. It reads almost as a chip on your shoulder, and when you look at everything through that filter it is going to create situations where you either miss seeing support that is there or see slights that aren't. What I am getting at is that I think it is important to try to approach this with an open mind and heart and not allow your pre-conceived notions of what it is going to happen/be cause heartache or stress that doesn't need to happen.

    So, that being said - are you a person of faith, are you working, are you a student, are you passionate about particular causes, is there a hobby you want to try, is there something you want to learn......all relate to things you can do during your partner's absence that will allow you to be busy, meet new people, find a support system and enjoy your life.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZivaD View Post
    and

    I have to say, as I read your post the bolded really stood out to me - and I wanted to comment on that. I think that having that mindset going into this is going to handicap any effort you make in having a different experience than the one you are already anticipating. It reads almost as a chip on your shoulder, and when you look at everything through that filter it is going to create situations where you either miss seeing support that is there or see slights that aren't. What I am getting at is that I think it is important to try to approach this with an open mind and heart and not allow your pre-conceived notions of what it is going to happen/be cause heartache or stress that doesn't need to happen.

    So, that being said - are you a person of faith, are you working, are you a student, are you passionate about particular causes, is there a hobby you want to try, is there something you want to learn......all relate to things you can do during your partner's absence that will allow you to be busy, meet new people, find a support system and enjoy your life.
    Yes! I am a person of faith (no place of worship here, yet), I am working full-time, a full-time student, very passionate about volunteering with food banks, I would like to learn to sew, and I am interested in learning Spanish! I am preparing to try these things and keep myself busy.

    Thank you for the advice! I totally understand that I do kind of have a bit of a "wall" built up! I have had instances in which we have met people and weren't really accepted as most others. I know I shouldn't hold that against anyone. I guess out of fear I just avoid meeting people because I don't want to feel rejected or not accepted. I will definitely work on that so that I can be a bit more open and hopefully meet new people.

    Again, thank you very much! Any advice or help offered is greatly appreciated! Have a wonderful Friday!
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    Welcome to the site You're on day one...of a marathon, so hang in there. It may get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. My SO is gearing up to go again too, so I'll be in your shoes shortly.

    Agree with ZivaD; find something to do--anything--even something you don't especially love if you have to. Something that forces you to be outside of your head for a few hours each day. It will give you time to regroup and not lose yourself in "what if's" and how much you miss her.
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    #5
    Since this is a new city - look at the incredible opportunity you have to get out there and explore and find all sorts of exciting places/things to share with your partner when she returns. Do the two of you enjoy outdoor activities? Do you enjoy finding new places to eat or dance or....?
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
    Welcome to the site You're on day one...of a marathon, so hang in there. It may get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. My SO is gearing up to go again too, so I'll be in your shoes shortly.

    Agree with ZivaD; find something to do--anything--even something you don't especially love if you have to. Something that forces you to be outside of your head for a few hours each day. It will give you time to regroup and not lose yourself in "what if's" and how much you miss her.
    Thank you very much for the welcome! I will do just that, hang in there, and stay strong! I am aware that it will get worse, I don't want it to, but I know it will. I wish you all the best for your marathon when it begins!

    I will definitely keep busy and try to get over the "what if's" and try to not think about how much I miss her! Even though it is A WHOLE LOT ALREADY!
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by ZivaD View Post
    Since this is a new city - look at the incredible opportunity you have to get out there and explore and find all sorts of exciting places/things to share with your partner when she returns. Do the two of you enjoy outdoor activities? Do you enjoy finding new places to eat or dance or....?
    We both enjoy working out! We love to go places! We tried a few places prior to her leaving this morning, but there are still more that we have yet to try! So maybe I will start trying new restaurants in the area so that I can take her to a few places when she gets home!
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    #8
    I think some bases have GLBT (I can never remember all the letters, or the order, but you know what I mean) support groups? If you're near a base...

    Other than that I'm right there with you on the first deployment thing. I spent a lot of today crying because DH can't go to the grocery store with me lol It hasn't been that long since he left but I do already feel a little bit better. I'm ready for this first month to be over so I can be like woot, a month down!
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    Quote Originally Posted by CC22 View Post
    I think some bases have GLBT (I can never remember all the letters, or the order, but you know what I mean) support groups? If you're near a base...

    Other than that I'm right there with you on the first deployment thing. I spent a lot of today crying because DH can't go to the grocery store with me lol It hasn't been that long since he left but I do already feel a little bit better. I'm ready for this first month to be over so I can be like woot, a month down!
    Lol. No problem! For future reference it is LGBT. But yes, I knew what you meant. I have to look it up to see if there are any support groups in the area.

    Well I am glad to know I'm not alone! I spent most of today crying and sending e-mails so that as soon as she gets a chance to open them she can have something to look at and smile about! I made a cute little sheet that has a "COUNT-UP" that will allow me to have small celebrations by myself when I complete one line of 15 days of deployment!

    I think that is going to give me a reason to use the 2-cupcake recipe I found on Pinterest and have a little private party with a cupcake and wine in my living room!
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by MrsDeason View Post
    Lol. No problem! For future reference it is LGBT. But yes, I knew what you meant. I have to look it up to see if there are any support groups in the area.

    Well I am glad to know I'm not alone! I spent most of today crying and sending e-mails so that as soon as she gets a chance to open them she can have something to look at and smile about! I made a cute little sheet that has a "COUNT-UP" that will allow me to have small celebrations by myself when I complete one line of 15 days of deployment!

    I think that is going to give me a reason to use the 2-cupcake recipe I found on Pinterest and have a little private party with a cupcake and wine in my living room!
    Well, I was close, lol. It's just not something that sticks in my head for whatever reason... (No offense meant at all).

    I've been prepping to make a care package. I assume you don't have an address yet. But it's kinda fun to go get stuff they'll like and decorate the box and stuff. #1 it gives you something to do/something else to think about #2 you get to shop! #3 it's like you're helping them/doing something for them even when you can't really do much of anything. #4 it reminds them you're there and still thinking of them, etc.
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