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Thread: Staying with in- laws during deployment

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    #1

    Staying with in- laws during deployment

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    Hey ^^
    Anyone else in the same boat?
    I'm actually from New Zealand so I don't have any roots here. I can't fly home unless I want to mess up my visa and start from scratch.
    My husband had the great idea of dumping me with his parents so I wouldn't be alone. They are the sweetest people but I'm so uncomfortable here. I can't help but feel like a pet dog you need someone to look after when you go away. I'm starting to wonder if I should've just stayed in Fort Knox by myself.
    Do you guys usually move home or stay put? Has anyone stayed with their in-laws?
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    #2
    First, welcome to MSOS. Head over to the Newbie section here: Newbies and introduce yourself when you get a chance.


    I once visited my parents for about five, sixish weeks when my husband was gone. It was not a good idea.


    I stay put. And I won't stay with my in-laws when my husband IS there, forget about it if he's gone.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by rumpelstiltskin View Post
    Hey ^^
    Anyone else in the same boat?
    I'm actually from New Zealand so I don't have any roots here. I can't fly home unless I want to mess up my visa and start from scratch.
    My husband had the great idea of dumping me with his parents so I wouldn't be alone. They are the sweetest people but I'm so uncomfortable here. I can't help but feel like a pet dog you need someone to look after when you go away. I'm starting to wonder if I should've just stayed in Fort Knox by myself.
    Do you guys usually move home or stay put? Has anyone stayed with their in-laws?

    How long have you been where you are now? Had you spent much time with his parents before this most recent arrangement started? Was there a particular reason you did not want to stay at the location where you and your husband were when he left? It kind of sounds from your post that this was more your husband's idea than your's - is that the case?

    To answer the question - I never left our home when DH deployed - I stayed where we were and carried on with my/our (kids) life until he was able to return and rejoin us.
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    #4
    I have never considered moving away from Dh's and my home during deployments. And I would have to be paid huge sums of money to love with either set of parents, even though I have a wonderful relationship with my parents and get along really well with his. When I was evacuated from Japan, I stayed with my parents for about 2 months (I think that's how long it was) and while they were great, it was tough to have someone else setting schedules and requiring things of me on their timeline, and a whole different (though totally reasonable) set of house rules.

    I'm not sure what to read into you saying he "dumped" you there, so I won't comment, but does that mean it was his choice, not yours, or that you were reluctant?

    If you don't like it, why don't you look into getting a small studio apartment in Ft. Knox on a monthly lease until he returns home?
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #5
    Thanks for your replies.
    It's SO good to hear from people who know what this feels like!
    I met his parents once when he took leave just before he left. So I'm still pretty shy and walking on eggshells around them (it takes me a while to come out of my shell around new people).
    My staying here was definitley my husbands idea, he thought it would be harder if I was alone. I had no idea what to expect, so I went along with it.
    Do you all have kids? If not, wouldn't it be so much lonelier staying behind by yourself, in a house full of memories??
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    #6
    I don't have kids. I've never found it to be awful living by myself. I still have a life. I do activities and have hobbies and go out with friends (though in a new area, that one can be tough, initially). I work and volunteer and have a full and complete life.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #7
    I did it, and truly found it to be SUCH a mistake! I wish I stayed put. There were also many other factors though. (married a momma's boy, was pregnant, etc.)


    I'm sure you'll make the best choice for YOU.
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    #8
    No way would I EVER move in with family during a deployment. I like my own space way too much. If you are so unhappy, would it be possible to get to your husband's duty station and set up your home?





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    just worry about being kind."
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    #9
    I had planned on living with my inlaws for my DH's upcoming deployment, but decided against it because I like my space!
    We Survived Deployment #1 July 2011-Feburary 2012
    We Survived Deployment #2 July 2013-April 2014


    I'm the Pink in a household full of Blue
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    #10
    Sounds like you weren't so on board with this decision. Also sometimes being on base, though lonely at first, can be better. You'll be around other women who understand and can participate in activities in the community to help you meet people. I think it's really nice of his parents to try to help you but you need to carve out your own life.
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