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Thread: Dealing with self-doubt and pain of missing your significant other

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    Dealing with self-doubt and pain of missing your significant other

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    Hello all,

    I'm new on the site and new with dealing with a long distance relationship with someone who is deployed overseas. My girlfriend and I have been together since December and she just left about 3 weeks ago. It's been quite the roller coaster of emotions of ups and downs (lots more downs than ups). It doesn't help that I'm going to be moving soon and making lots of other big changes with my life all the while missing her and wishing she was here with me. The more I've read about dealing with deployments, the more I've come to understand I'm just feeling everything that everyone else feels when their loved one leaves to a deployment. I was curious because I get really down sometimes and it feels like I'm not strong enough to deal with this, it feels overwhelming to know she's going to be gone for a long time, I start creating scenarios of how it won't work out, and I just feel helpless and alone. I know none if it is true and that I truly love her and only want to be strong enough to see this through and be with her once again. I just get doubtful, anxious, and extremely stressed out. I'm happy that I get a constant communication with her but at the same time it hurts to not have her here so I do my best to just be grateful and appreciative of the fact that I get the opportunity to speak with her on a regular basis cuz I know that doesn't happen for everyone else. I keep telling myself it will pass and it's only temporary and that I love her and am strong enough to get through this but sometimes it feels like the pain and such just won't go away. I've also been telling myself that once I move that I'll be able to get settled and things will start to balance out but it's just too many head games and it seems to never quit. I just want to feel better and feel stronger about everything, my girlfriend is phenomenal about reassuring me of things and being loving and caring even from far away, I just want to know what everyone else does to cope with all of this. It doesn't help right now that I also have a lot of idle time on my hands. Please feel free to let me know what you all do/have done to help because I just wanna love and support my girlfriend the best I can all the while feeling more secure and stronger. I'm doing my best to take everything one day at a time, I just wanna keep myself from doing anything that ruins the relationship or hurts it in any way and start taking steps to making things get better for her, for me, and for our relationship. Thanks for all of the support, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this.

    -Tom
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by tossittm View Post
    Hello all,

    I'm new on the site and new with dealing with a long distance relationship with someone who is deployed overseas. My girlfriend and I have been together since December and she just left about 3 weeks ago. It's been quite the roller coaster of emotions of ups and downs (lots more downs than ups). It doesn't help that I'm going to be moving soon and making lots of other big changes with my life all the while missing her and wishing she was here with me. The more I've read about dealing with deployments, the more I've come to understand I'm just feeling everything that everyone else feels when their loved one leaves to a deployment. I was curious because I get really down sometimes and it feels like I'm not strong enough to deal with this, it feels overwhelming to know she's going to be gone for a long time, I start creating scenarios of how it won't work out, and I just feel helpless and alone. I know none if it is true and that I truly love her and only want to be strong enough to see this through and be with her once again. I just get doubtful, anxious, and extremely stressed out. I'm happy that I get a constant communication with her but at the same time it hurts to not have her here so I do my best to just be grateful and appreciative of the fact that I get the opportunity to speak with her on a regular basis cuz I know that doesn't happen for everyone else. I keep telling myself it will pass and it's only temporary and that I love her and am strong enough to get through this but sometimes it feels like the pain and such just won't go away. I've also been telling myself that once I move that I'll be able to get settled and things will start to balance out but it's just too many head games and it seems to never quit. I just want to feel better and feel stronger about everything, my girlfriend is phenomenal about reassuring me of things and being loving and caring even from far away, I just want to know what everyone else does to cope with all of this. It doesn't help right now that I also have a lot of idle time on my hands. Please feel free to let me know what you all do/have done to help because I just wanna love and support my girlfriend the best I can all the while feeling more secure and stronger. I'm doing my best to take everything one day at a time, I just wanna keep myself from doing anything that ruins the relationship or hurts it in any way and start taking steps to making things get better for her, for me, and for our relationship. Thanks for all of the support, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this.

    -Tom
    The beginning stinks! But it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate along with time on your hands and those two things get to me with long distance. I hope you find your stride soon and can take it one day at a time. While I haven't done a deployment yet, I've been LDR since November and while it's rough, it's so rewarding! I am more in love than ever and feel like we can conquer anything. Hang in there
  3. Regular Member
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    #3
    I'm not much help, as I'm dealing with the same thing. I'm trying to reassure myself that we'll be ok.
    We haven't talked in almost 2 weeks and I'm trying to tell myself that it isn't something I said or did (I think it's just work).

    So, you aren't the only one dealing with this. Good thing, the ladies around here seem pretty supportive, so you're in a good place.
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    #4
    Welcome!!

    You definitely aren't alone! I can see why you're so stressed out. It sounds like you have a full plate on your hands. I think that moving while on the one hand will be stressful with the transitioning part, it can also help to keep you busy in another sense. Once things settle in for both of you, you'll find more of a routine.

    You've definitely come to the right place and its great to have another male perspective on here!
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    #5
    Remember that this is just a milestone in your relationship. You are both going to be in two different places and it will be tough but you WILL get through it. The most important thing to remember is that you are doing this for the simple fact that this is your friend above all and they need your support. Worrying actually doesn't make things any better or change the situation so it's best to cancel this out (easier said than done). Keep busy and find new ways to improve yourself. Make sure you include DG in milestones back home and reassure her that she gives you motivation to press on. We are here to support you no matter what. And remember, your strength and love will be the reason she comes back to you with adoring eyes. Be real with her, don't lie, but keep things light-hearted. If you need to vent seriously do it here with us. Try not to put the stresses of deployment on DG. Believe in your relationship and hold onto everything you guys had when you were here. If it is true, it is likely that nothing shall tear it apart. Everything is always alright in the end, remember that.

    And smile.


    "Love is not love which alters when it altercation finds" - Shakespeare




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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Lightning_Lee View Post
    Remember that this is just a milestone in your relationship. You are both going to be in two different places and it will be tough but you WILL get through it. The most important thing to remember is that you are doing this for the simple fact that this is your friend above all and they need your support. Worrying actually doesn't make things any better or change the situation so it's best to cancel this out (easier said than done). Keep busy and find new ways to improve yourself. Make sure you include DG in milestones back home and reassure her that she gives you motivation to press on. We are here to support you no matter what. And remember, your strength and love will be the reason she comes back to you with adoring eyes. Be real with her, don't lie, but keep things light-hearted. If you need to vent seriously do it here with us. Try not to put the stresses of deployment on DG. Believe in your relationship and hold onto everything you guys had when you were here. If it is true, it is likely that nothing shall tear it apart. Everything is always alright in the end, remember that.

    And smile.
    This is amazing. I was having a horrible night dealing with my own deployment situation and this helped a lot (so much so that I saved it on my phone).

    Also, Lightning_Lee how did you get the count-up ticker? I went to the website and could only get a countdown. Did you put the date they left in?

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