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Thread: Honestly, I'm not even sure....(WARNING: LONG)

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    #1

    Honestly, I'm not even sure....(WARNING: LONG)

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    I'm not sure how to start this...DB and I have known each other for 5 years and will have been dating for 2 this upcoming April. This is our first "deployment" he is gone for a year....and we are a couple months into. I'm just going crazy. I lef my life in NYC and moved back to VA which crushed me and then right after I got back he left for BCT. I never liked the idea of the military, but I love him and I can't not be with him. BCT was easier to get through cus even though it was 4 months of nothing but letters...idk it was like the first hurdle and I put all of my energy getting through that...that it almost feels like I'm kinda struggling to get over this one. All of my friends toto college out of state....the ones who are here don't have a jobs or no cars so it makes it impossible to go anywhere and just have fun. And even if I do try me have fun I end up feeling shitty anyways cus I start thinking, "wow...I wish Jonathan was here to do this..." It's like my glass is half empty when I try to enjoy myself. So all I do is go to school full time and work...I'm never home. But if I am home I just get depressed. But working and going to school all of the time is getting redundant and it's starting to take a toll on me (I choose my own work hours)...and so because of my mental and emotional distress I start having thoughts like "is this really what I want?" And I mean....no, it's not. But I want HIM. So I feel like that cancels it out....but ugh. And then there is the whole...he is my first real/serious boyfriend. Which doesn't bother me, but I'm not sure if that's normal or not. And then I feel guilty for thinking things like this because I feel like DB is sooooo supportive and faithful and never has doubts. But I wanna know that it is normal to feel like this. In no way would I ever wanna just give up on us...he is my best friend. And the only guy I can ever see myself with. I guess I'm just here because I wanna know everyone else's experiences with this...I just need to know that the feelings that I'm having are normal.


    "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, LOVE never fails"
    I Corinthians 13:7-8
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    #2
    I can't say that I ever had feelings of doubt or questioning what I want.

    Whether it is normal or not isn't what's important. You could be the only person in the world to feel that, or one of the 99% who do. It doesn't matter what everyone else feels. It only matters whether you think that these feelings mean something important *to you*. For me, they would be red flags telling me that maybe this wasn't the relationship for me, especially added to the fact that this was my only serious boyfriend. But that's what it would mean *for me*. What it means for you is something only you can decide.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #3
    Thank you for your advice...your words make sense, because I would say the same thing. But your advice scares me because I can't lose him. Just thinking about having that talk with him crushes me.


    "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, LOVE never fails"
    I Corinthians 13:7-8
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    #4
    I have to run to work immediately....but I will respond when I get back.. Stay strong girl.
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    #5
    Okay. Thanks Roxs :/


    "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, LOVE never fails"
    I Corinthians 13:7-8
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    #6
    I haven't been in your exact shoes but DB and I have been together 4.5 years so I feel like I have a little bit of wisdom here . Not everything is flowers and rainbows like everyone wants us to believe. That person can be near perfect and situations can be bad. For me, pressing on is worth it. Ultimately, only you can make that decision but the idea that this too shall pass may be of comfort. Be careful not to trap yourself, though. That will make anyone crazy.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by photographerkate View Post
    I haven't been in your exact shoes but DB and I have been together 4.5 years so I feel like I have a little bit of wisdom here . Not everything is flowers and rainbows like everyone wants us to believe. That person can be near perfect and situations can be bad. For me, pressing on is worth it. Ultimately, only you can make that decision but the idea that this too shall pass may be of comfort. Be careful not to trap yourself, though. That will make anyone crazy.
    That's how I feel. I want to make it through this with him. First love or not I know that I want him to be my only. Plus I don't want to make a decision that is only happening because of distance...and the fact that I have nothing really going on in my life right now except it. It feels like I'm just waiting for him. I have no problem waiting for him cus he waited for me....but there is nothing fog on for me. No friends, no activities outside of work and school, it's boring and redundant and I am literally going crazy right now. I do feel I need to talk to him about it though....we just never have the chance to cus he lives in the barracks and is constantly surrounded by 3 other dudes.


    "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, LOVE never fails"
    I Corinthians 13:7-8
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by ioverton View Post
    That's how I feel. I want to make it through this with him. First love or not I know that I want him to be my only. Plus I don't want to make a decision that is only happening because of distance...and the fact that I have nothing really going on in my life right now except it. It feels like I'm just waiting for him. I have no problem waiting for him cus he waited for me....but there is nothing fog on for me. No friends, no activities outside of work and school, it's boring and redundant and I am literally going crazy right now. I do feel I need to talk to him about it though....we just never have the chance to cus he lives in the barracks and is constantly surrounded by 3 other dudes.
    Also keep in mind that this stagnant feeling would likely come on whether on not he was home with you. DB and I have been there. We were about ready to kill each other when we realized "Oh no, we're both depressed, aren't looking forward to tomorrow, and have no real goals." (That's when he started the enlistment process) That trap will be hard REGARDLESS of who is or isn't around you. Focus on yourself and pulling yourself up. There is no downside to do that other than it's tough to get started
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by ioverton View Post
    Thank you for your advice...your words make sense, because I would say the same thing. But your advice scares me because I can't lose him. Just thinking about having that talk with him crushes me.
    Here's the thing though. You can lose him. And you'd be just fine. It would hurt for a while, but then you'd be just fine. I think that until you fully accept that fact, you'll never know if you are staying out of fear and comfort, or if you are staying because the relationship is Right. You have to know that you'd be fine without him so that you can make a decision about staying that is based on the relationship, not based on you not being okay without him.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #10
    Also keep in mind that this stagnant feeling would likely come on whether on not he was home with you. DB and I have been there. We were about ready to kill each other when we realized "Oh no, we're both depressed, aren't looking forward to tomorrow, and have no real goals." (That's when he started the enlistment process) That trap will be hard REGARDLESS of who is or isn't around you. Focus on yourself and pulling yourself up. There is no downside to do that other than it's tough to get started
    Oh no, we have been there lol. The roles were reversed...I was doing so,etching with my life and he was stuck. But at least we were next to each other. Granted we were ready to kill each other haha...but idk I feel like that went better than this. I just need to adjust. I feel down cus I feel like a bum, and he is out kicking ass for the USA. I just wish I had other things to occupy my time. Or at least someone that lived near me that I could talk to.

    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Here's the thing though. You can lose him. And you'd be just fine. It would hurt for a while, but then you'd be just fine. I think that until you fully accept that fact, you'll never know if you are staying out of fear and comfort, or if you are staying because the relationship is Right. You have to know that you'd be fine without him so that you can make a decision about staying that is based on the relationship, not based on you not being okay without him.
    I totally get that. I know I would be okay eventually. But I don't want to lol. I say I can't cus even though my brains telling me that logically these types of relationships don't always work out...I don't want it to not work out. But I'm a realist and so it's been a battle between what I want and what my mind says is reality. So I guess what my real problem is...is that I have always been a "just have fun with these guys with no commitment" and this is the first relationship I've actually fought for.


    "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, LOVE never fails"
    I Corinthians 13:7-8
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