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Thread: My Marine broke up with me during deployment

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    My Marine broke up with me during deployment

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    I joined this site to ask for advice. All of my civilian friends I still feel like they just don't get it.

    My now ex boyfriend called me from Afghanistan 5 days ago saying that a relationship wasn't good for his state of mind, that his feelings change because he doesn't love me like that anymore, that he just doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore, that I will never understand, but that I didn't t do anything wrong. And that he just needs to focus so this is what has to be done.

    I'm devastated, lost, confused, and so upset. We have been together since August. We fell in this crazy unexpected love that moved so quickly. We made plans for me to move to north carolina to be closer when he comes home, he brought me home for pre deployment leave to meet his parents, He said he would love me forever and that would never change. That the one thing I could always count on was that my heart was safe with him and that one day he would take care of me and make up for the lost time. That he was mine and I was his forever. That he had never felt this way and was so thankful for my support. He left for afghanistan in october and the messages continued to be nothing but loving and grateful. I even spent 9 days with his parents 3 weeks ago and while I was there he and I spoke on the phone multiple times, facebook messaged almost every other day and he even had skyped me for the first time. Then when I got home, we messaged back and forth all normal, joking around, and he said he had to go out on his mission, he'd be on the day after tomorrow, and that he misses me and loved me. 2 and a half weeks later, after seeing he had read all of my messages and not having heard from him, he called me to break up. He then blocked me from facebook and removed his relationship status and told his friend it was because he didnt want me blowing up his facebook and he needed to focus. He only has 3 months left in this deployment. He is half way done and breaks up with me? I don't know what to do: move on, wait to see what happens, write him a letter, I need advice. He honestly was the love of my life and I just can't see how suddenly he is not a part of my future. He was worried about me writing him a dear john letter before he left; and I was dear johned by him over the phone.
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    #2
    There might be something else behind what he is doing. Its really hard while they are overseas to find out an underlying reason. There are many things going on through their heads, fear, uncertainties and things that we will never understand being in their shoes. I would wait until he is home to discuss this with him. There may be other things going on in his head that he cant sort out because he is deployed. I have seen this happen to a lot of my friends who were dating when their SO went on deployments. If you find it completely necessary to write to him just explain that you are so confused at how sudden all of this happened, without any warning, and you don't want to try and figure it out now while he is away but it is only fair to the both of you if you discuss it when he gets home. For now you have to try and live life normal. I know that sounds impossible. And really the hurt will not go away until you get closure but in three months you will be able to find out the depths of what is going on and get some possible answers as to why the relationship ended so quickly on his end.
  3. was ncgirl
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    #3


    I honestly cant tell you what to do, it is something I think you have to figure out for you. I am so sorry though. It sounds like he's going through some stuff. I would contact his parents just to let them know you're concerned since it seems like a strange turn for him to take.


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    #4
    so sorry. It sounds like he really needs to keep his head in the game. I'd send him a short message to let him know you'll, still, be supporting him, but I'd leave it at that.

    Also, PM, if you need to. It sounds like he could be with my DH.
    if i never see you again i will always carry you
    inside outside

    on my fingertips and at brain edges

    and in centers
    centers of what i am of what remains
    --- charles bukowski.

    time to eas, baby!
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    #5
    My DB and I were split up for 6 months once. It happened all of a sudden with a phone call from him. I was so confused because everytime we talked or were together it was great. He said I didn't do anything wrong, but he just wasn't in love with me the way I am with him. So, heartbroken I let my brother-in-law set me up on a blind date with one of his single buddies and we ended up dating a few months. We wanted different things and decided it wouldn't work. As soon as I was single, my now DB started chasing after me! Apparently his friends kept telling him what an idiot he was that he broke off our relationship. I didn't say yes to him right away - after all it was the worst heartbreak I had ever experienced. He really showed me he turned around and I believe him when he says it was one of the worst mistakes he's made. We made a plan to work on communication (so there are no surprises about feelings like before) this time around and so far it is going amazingly.

    The point of my story is that things might change in a few months when he's back home. Maybe the best thing is that he needs his space for now, but keep in mind that staying apart is only one direction this could go. If he really is the one, he is worth fighting for! When he is home and ready to focus on a relationship, try giving it another go. Good luck to you both!
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by sarahs View Post
    My DB and I were split up for 6 months once. It happened all of a sudden with a phone call from him. I was so confused because everytime we talked or were together it was great. He said I didn't do anything wrong, but he just wasn't in love with me the way I am with him. So, heartbroken I let my brother-in-law set me up on a blind date with one of his single buddies and we ended up dating a few months. We wanted different things and decided it wouldn't work. As soon as I was single, my now DB started chasing after me! Apparently his friends kept telling him what an idiot he was that he broke off our relationship. I didn't say yes to him right away - after all it was the worst heartbreak I had ever experienced. He really showed me he turned around and I believe him when he says it was one of the worst mistakes he's made. We made a plan to work on communication (so there are no surprises about feelings like before) this time around and so far it is going amazingly.

    The point of my story is that things might change in a few months when he's back home. Maybe the best thing is that he needs his space for now, but keep in mind that staying apart is only one direction this could go. If he really is the one, he is worth fighting for! When he is home and ready to focus on a relationship, try giving it another go. Good luck to you both!
    Yes, I agree with this take this time to just focus on yourself and when he is home and away from that sort of environment see if he is up to talk. Writing him a letter is a good idea too, I think. Just so you can get all of what you feel currently out instead of bottling it in. Good luck, and welcome to the site


    "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, LOVE never fails"
    I Corinthians 13:7-8
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    #8
    It could be that whatever his mission involves really does require his undivided attention. DH has ever run missions like that-- they'd step off and be gone for 2+ months w/o contact. Kinda depends on his personality, his MOS, etc...

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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by sweetvanity View Post
    It could be that whatever his mission involves really does require his undivided attention. DH has ever run missions like that-- they'd step off and be gone for 2+ months w/o contact. Kinda depends on his personality, his MOS, etc...


    I would just send him a message to let him know that you are still there for support. When he comes back home, maybe you two can sit down and have a real conversation about things.


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    #10
    I'm not going to exactly tell you to wait, because OFTEN waiting is unhealthy, but I'd see what happened in a few months. I wouldn't contact him, but I'd kinda just focus on myself and see what happened. If he hasn't "taken it back" and explained himself in a few weeks/by the time he's home, move on. Absolutely.

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