Waiting for a call... - Deployment Support Groups

redbeauty · 11-06-2009, 06:13 PM

Hello! I just signed up for this forum today. I have read through some of the posts (enough to know that I am beating a dead horse). Here is my story:

Met a great military guy while I was TDY in September. He was everything I was looking for, and more. We hung out for 2+ weeks. After the TDY was over he went his way and I went mine (we are stationed very far from eachother), but talked to eachother every day. Things were absolutely wonderful. He left for his deployment in Oct. At first he called two times a week and was e-mailing as well. Our last conversation was last Tuesday (over a week ago) and it was our one and only 'off' conversation. I addressed with him that girls were leaving hearts and xo's on his FB account, and just asked if I should be concerned. He said no, and that he would address it as soon as he got home, and even introduce me to them if I wanted. The rest of the conversation was very normal. We did the 'I miss you' thing, and got off the phone. He said he'd call me that weekend.

Well, that weekend has come and gone... no word. No e-mail or calls. I am starting to feel paranoid and insecure. I keep telling myself that he is special ops and in a remote location, so things could be going crazy. But I just feel like maybe he changed his mind after our last conversation. I'm totally kicking myself in the butt for even bringing it up!

The wierd thing is that it just doesn't seem like him at all! Every conversation we had was perfect to a T, and he wanted this as badly as I did. He even expressed concern that I wouldn't wait, or that I would write him a 'Dear John' letter.

Ok, so my questions are: Did I cross a boundary by bringing this up? What is the longest others have waited for a phone call? or Is it normal to hear from them a lot and then have an abrupt stop? Should I be worried?

Yes, I did say I too am military, but I have never deployed. Anyone I know that has always has had pretty easy communications. Not sure what to expect... especially with his job being what it is.

Even though this is repetitive in the thread, anyone want to chime in on this??

bellablue · 11-06-2009, 08:41 PM

the guy i am seeing is special ops too- i went 3 weeks without hearing from him last month. beyond that, i usually hear from him 1-2x per week.

my ex from college was in the army, and we were together when he deployed 4 years ago. he was able to call me every day. i now feel as if i was spoiled during that deployment- because this one is awful!

i don't think u're wrong for question fb, but i guess it depends on where u 2 stand. if u're not committed, then i suppose u are each capable of living your own life. i am not committed b/c i only met my guy a month before he left, and we decided we'd just pick up where we left off when he got back. no committment means no pressure for either of us, so if he had a fb, i suppose i wouldn't question. that doesn't mean that it wouldn't bother me tho. i'm in a place with this guy where i know i have no intentions of seeing anyone else, whether we're committed or not, and i think he's in the same place. i do think i'd feel hurt if i got the impression he was talking to other girls in the same way he was talking to me, committment or not.

u have a right to defend your feelings and your heart. i also know the anxiety of not hearing from them, and then going back to your last email that you sent, trying to figure out if something you said could have made them change their mind. it's unpleasant to say the least. don't worry yourself too much tho, it really could just be he isn't able to contact you because of something work related.

best of luck- i hope he gets in touch with you soon! xo

redbeauty · 11-07-2009, 07:59 AM

Thank you so much for your response. I think the key for all of this was that we agreed to be committed even with the short time we have been together. Most of all it was his idea!

I never realized the toll these deployments have on people. All the wondering and worrying. The love/hate relationship with the phone... And most of all always curious if I'm overreacting or If there are valid concerns. I just keep telling myself: one phone call and I'd feel better.

He is older and swears that at his age he doesn't have time to play games, but I guess I have trust issues. Not his fault but it is still something I'm dealing with. I'm a single mom and just don't have the time to have my heart toyed with. Honestly, he never gave one clue that I have a reason to worry. I have just never been through a military relationship!

DeeGC1564 · 11-07-2009, 08:07 PM

I just read your story and wanted to offer you some support and

. Try not to worry that a conversation you had over a week ago about something on his FB will affect your relationship like that. From what you describe, you didn't attack him, it was just a question. He may just be busy, keeping in mind that he's in a remote location. I think the farthest thing from his mind is a question you asked him, especially if the conversation went well after that. There's been plenty of times my DF couldn't contact me for more than a few days, or said he was going to call but didn't. I think all that is very normal. I don't think it's what you think it is. I know it's tough not to have doubts and fears especially with it not only being a military relationship but a new relationship too, and not wanting to be hurt. It makes your emotions take a rollercoaster ride sometimes! I hope you hear from him soon, I know it'll make you feel better. If you need someone to chat with in the meantime, feel free to pm me.

redbeauty · 11-08-2009, 10:48 AM

Dee- You are so right. I know it probably has been the farthest thing from his mind. I realize I am maybe just overreacting. I would just love to hear from him telling me all is ok. I would feel so much better!

Amberlyn · 11-08-2009, 10:52 AM

Hope you get your next phone call soon

It is very possible that something came up, and he hasn't had time.. I would give it some more time, before you assume the worst and give up

SnarphBlat · 11-09-2009, 10:46 AM

Don't give up too fast, give it some time. I hope you get to talk to him again soon.

redbeauty · 11-09-2009, 05:40 PM

If only there was an instruction book about things like this!!

redbeauty · 11-10-2009, 05:58 PM

Well, the two week mark has come and gone. I really didn't expect this. I just wish I was sure that he didn't change his mind about me/us. It is so frustrating when you don't know what is going on!!

11-06-2009, 06:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
redbeauty Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 105 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 41% Longevity: 0%	Waiting for a call... Hello! I just signed up for this forum today. I have read through some of the posts (enough to know that I am beating a dead horse). Here is my story: Met a great military guy while I was TDY in September. He was everything I was looking for, and more. We hung out for 2+ weeks. After the TDY was over he went his way and I went mine (we are stationed very far from eachother), but talked to eachother every day. Things were absolutely wonderful. He left for his deployment in Oct. At first he called two times a week and was e-mailing as well. Our last conversation was last Tuesday (over a week ago) and it was our one and only 'off' conversation. I addressed with him that girls were leaving hearts and xo's on his FB account, and just asked if I should be concerned. He said no, and that he would address it as soon as he got home, and even introduce me to them if I wanted. The rest of the conversation was very normal. We did the 'I miss you' thing, and got off the phone. He said he'd call me that weekend. Well, that weekend has come and gone... no word. No e-mail or calls. I am starting to feel paranoid and insecure. I keep telling myself that he is special ops and in a remote location, so things could be going crazy. But I just feel like maybe he changed his mind after our last conversation. I'm totally kicking myself in the butt for even bringing it up! The wierd thing is that it just doesn't seem like him at all! Every conversation we had was perfect to a T, and he wanted this as badly as I did. He even expressed concern that I wouldn't wait, or that I would write him a 'Dear John' letter. Ok, so my questions are: Did I cross a boundary by bringing this up? What is the longest others have waited for a phone call? or Is it normal to hear from them a lot and then have an abrupt stop? Should I be worried? Yes, I did say I too am military, but I have never deployed. Anyone I know that has always has had pretty easy communications. Not sure what to expect... especially with his job being what it is. Even though this is repetitive in the thread, anyone want to chime in on this??

11-06-2009, 08:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
bellablue Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 5 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 13% Longevity: 1%	the guy i am seeing is special ops too- i went 3 weeks without hearing from him last month. beyond that, i usually hear from him 1-2x per week. my ex from college was in the army, and we were together when he deployed 4 years ago. he was able to call me every day. i now feel as if i was spoiled during that deployment- because this one is awful! i don't think u're wrong for question fb, but i guess it depends on where u 2 stand. if u're not committed, then i suppose u are each capable of living your own life. i am not committed b/c i only met my guy a month before he left, and we decided we'd just pick up where we left off when he got back. no committment means no pressure for either of us, so if he had a fb, i suppose i wouldn't question. that doesn't mean that it wouldn't bother me tho. i'm in a place with this guy where i know i have no intentions of seeing anyone else, whether we're committed or not, and i think he's in the same place. i do think i'd feel hurt if i got the impression he was talking to other girls in the same way he was talking to me, committment or not. u have a right to defend your feelings and your heart. i also know the anxiety of not hearing from them, and then going back to your last email that you sent, trying to figure out if something you said could have made them change their mind. it's unpleasant to say the least. don't worry yourself too much tho, it really could just be he isn't able to contact you because of something work related. best of luck- i hope he gets in touch with you soon! xo __________________ * but it ain't how hard you hit. it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. how much you can take, and keep moving forward. that's how winning is done. *

11-07-2009, 08:07 PM	#4 (permalink)
DeeGC1564 Missing my soldier, my fiance, my sweetie bear Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: me-Pennsylvania him-Afghanistan Posts: 1,167 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 22% Longevity: 11%	I just read your story and wanted to offer you some support and . Try not to worry that a conversation you had over a week ago about something on his FB will affect your relationship like that. From what you describe, you didn't attack him, it was just a question. He may just be busy, keeping in mind that he's in a remote location. I think the farthest thing from his mind is a question you asked him, especially if the conversation went well after that. There's been plenty of times my DF couldn't contact me for more than a few days, or said he was going to call but didn't. I think all that is very normal. I don't think it's what you think it is. I know it's tough not to have doubts and fears especially with it not only being a military relationship but a new relationship too, and not wanting to be hurt. It makes your emotions take a rollercoaster ride sometimes! I hope you hear from him soon, I know it'll make you feel better. If you need someone to chat with in the meantime, feel free to pm me. __________________ "I want you to always remember that I will be coming for you and nothing will change that. I will always love you and that will never grow old."-DF

11-08-2009, 10:52 AM	#6 (permalink)
Amberlyn Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Northeast PA Posts: 1,014 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 82% Longevity: 1%	Hope you get your next phone call soon It is very possible that something came up, and he hasn't had time.. I would give it some more time, before you assume the worst and give up __________________ my sexy beast.. and me

11-09-2009, 10:46 AM	#7 (permalink)
SnarphBlat Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: NY Posts: 11,430 Blog Entries: 15 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 70% Longevity: 33%	Don't give up too fast, give it some time. I hope you get to talk to him again soon. __________________ Praying my Marine back home.

About Us

MilitarySOS Shortcuts

MilitarySOS Help

About MilitarySOS

11-07-2009, 07:59 AM	#3 (permalink)
redbeauty Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 105 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 41% Longevity: 0%	Thank you so much for your response. I think the key for all of this was that we agreed to be committed even with the short time we have been together. Most of all it was his idea! I never realized the toll these deployments have on people. All the wondering and worrying. The love/hate relationship with the phone... And most of all always curious if I'm overreacting or If there are valid concerns. I just keep telling myself: one phone call and I'd feel better. He is older and swears that at his age he doesn't have time to play games, but I guess I have trust issues. Not his fault but it is still something I'm dealing with. I'm a single mom and just don't have the time to have my heart toyed with. Honestly, he never gave one clue that I have a reason to worry. I have just never been through a military relationship!

11-08-2009, 10:48 AM	#5 (permalink)
redbeauty Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 105 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 41% Longevity: 0%	Dee- You are so right. I know it probably has been the farthest thing from his mind. I realize I am maybe just overreacting. I would just love to hear from him telling me all is ok. I would feel so much better!

11-09-2009, 05:40 PM	#8 (permalink)
redbeauty Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 105 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 41% Longevity: 0%	If only there was an instruction book about things like this!!

11-10-2009, 05:58 PM	#9 (permalink)
redbeauty Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 105 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 41% Longevity: 0%	Well, the two week mark has come and gone. I really didn't expect this. I just wish I was sure that he didn't change his mind about me/us. It is so frustrating when you don't know what is going on!!