Needs comfort and advice

[Mel_N]

My fiance has been deployed to Iraq for 10 months now. He's due to come home in december-january. the problem is this deployment was so hard for us and we barely made it. He's so different and it seems like the things I did for him before arent enough anymore. I dont feel like I make him happy anymore. I find myself missing the days before his deployment when it was perfect and we were this happy go lucky couple. Now he's so different that it worries me. I find myself growing insecure about not being who wants to marry now and I know its stupid cuz I know he loves me. I just don't know.
And he goes to Afghanistan next and Im just so afraid I'm gonna lose the man I fell in love with.

[His*PITA*]

Originally Posted by Mel_N My fiance has been deployed to Iraq for 10 months now. He's due to come home in december-january. the problem is this deployment was so hard for us and we barely made it. He's so different and it seems like the things I did for him before arent enough anymore. I dont feel like I make him happy anymore. I find myself missing the days before his deployment when it was perfect and we were this happy go lucky couple. Now he's so different that it worries me. I find myself growing insecure about not being who wants to marry now and I know its stupid cuz I know he loves me. I just don't know. And he goes to Afghanistan next and Im just so afraid I'm gonna lose the man I fell in love with.

First off welcome and

Second... the one thing that is pretty much inevitable in all deployments in change. Both of you have most likely changed quite a bit since he left, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Deployments can make or break a relationship, the keep to having it make yours is communication, being honest with each other, and talking about issues when they come up...

The more you stress yourself out about it, the worse its going to get. The other thing deployments are good at is giving us to much time to over-think something... Talk to him about it, let him know your fears and concerns and see if he is having any, possibly the same ones you are...

[ArtsyBelle]

What she said. Yes things will be different when he gets home, and there will be a period of adjustment, but you can work through it together. Definitely communicate your concerns and be open with each other.

[His*PITA*]

Originally Posted by ArtsyBelle What she said. Yes things will be different when he gets home, and there will be a period of adjustment, but you can work through it together. Definitely communicate your concerns and be open with each other.

Yes! Thank you for pointing that out... OP also make sure you prepare yourself for reintegration (the time when he comes home) to be VERY different then what your expectations are... It may take time, as well as a lot of patience and understanding before things "get back to normal"

[louisa85]

Originally Posted by His*PITA* Yes! Thank you for pointing that out... OP also make sure you prepare yourself for reintegration (the time when he comes home) to be VERY different then what your expectations are... It may take time, as well as a lot of patience and understanding before things "get back to normal"

Expect problems -- it'll be good for you and your relationship, but at the time it will be no fun.

[Amberlyn]

Yeah what they said Its hard, and when your relationship has been emails, and phone conversations for 10 months, its really really hard.. Your emotions are not correctly conveyed... and it can make things seem tense.