Engaged and/or married before deployment?

[Lauren1]

Hey ladies,

I have a question, just want to get some opinions...

I've been dating my significant other for 3 and 1/2 years and he is deploying in March as commander of a unit to Afghanistan. We've talked about getting engaged which we're pretty sure we'll do end of August, but what about the marriage thing before hand?

Has anyone ever just decided to go ahead and get married beforehand? Its a tough decision, since this will be his first deployment and my first time dealing with it. We just moved in together a couple of weeks ago. His reasoning: party monetary but more because we are going to go ahead and get married when he gets home. He wants a justice of the peace around December and then a real wedding when he gets home.

Anyone been here before..???

[mossey2000]

We got married before he deployed because he wanted to be with me and make sure I was taken care of. Basically we didnt want to wait to start our lives together. We've been married 8.5 years and I wouldnt change a thing.

[Lauren1]

How did you do it? I know, stupid question...but how did you make it work? I just feel like with everything else hes got going on (trying to figure out how to take command of a company, etc.) that the first year of our marriage isn't going to be...doable. I want to be able to enjoy it but I also don't want to make the wrong decision. 2 weeks ago he was sure that thats what he wanted to do, but now with everything on his plate, hes not sure. So confused!!

[Solstice]

My husband and I married Sept 7th and he deployed Sept 25th. Our 1 yr is around the corner. We do it because we have a deep, strong love and commitment to one another which grows stronger by the day.

If your relationship is already strong, then you should be fine through this deployment. If you want to get married before he goes, then do it. You have a lot more "rights" as the spouse and if you are going to do it anyway, why not get the legal part done and then plan the formal celebration for when he returns. Gives you something to keep your mind busy while he's away.

Good luck

~Sol~

[sweetheart82006]

Were getting married in 12 days JOP. Then having a real wedding lady. He is deploying in septemeber. Well This is our second deployment but still. What is suprising me the most is my parents; alot of my friends only thing is that we are engaged. My parents think its a great Idea to get married before the deployment to save money for our real wedding. We have been together 3 years.

[Lauren1]

You're right! I guess I've been making a big deal out of him being gone, but its like I don't have a FRG to talk to about my issues, hes gone right now and dropping stuff on me like when hes leaving and how it'll be even harder, etc.

I just don't want to rush thru the marriage thing before the deployment and "regret" getting married because I don't see him the first year. Maybe my concerns are a little...over the top? I don't know, I'm new at this...

[Solstice]

If you had only been together a few months it would be different. 3.5 years, you should know if this man is the "one" as he should know. If you feel that way, essentially you are already married in your hearts you just don't have the legal documentation to prove it. You don't have that piece of paper that will tell the Army that you have RIGHTS and that if you have some emergency and need him the Red Cross can get him home, medical care, insurance, etc etc. You have the love and commitment, you just don't have the contract yet that takes care of the rest of it.

Good luck whatever you decide to do

[Lauren1]

you have no idea how much better that makes me feel! I was beginning to think that the idea was just plain crazy! I love your pictures, happy early anniversary!! :O)

[Lauren1]

Maybe I should just tell him to suck it up and deal with the stresses of getting married and changing things over to his name and getting ready for his deployment! :o) Another question: How long does it take to do all of the technical stuff when you get married? I want to have enough time to do that plus enjoy each other a little bit.

[MarineWife0929]

DH and I got married before he even went to basic. DH signed the papers in July of 2007, we got married in September of 2007, he went to basic in January of 2008 since he was in the DEP. Good luck with your decision! It was right for us to get married beforehand.