I feel kinda lost - Deployment Support Groups

CookieMonster · 07-21-2009, 11:59 AM

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 months. He'll be training in the desert until October then off to Afghanistan for 12-18 months. I know that we haven't been dating for long. He wants to break up before he leaves and wants me to date other people. He doesn't want to worry about me. He says that if I'm there when he gets back great and if not he hopes we can still be friends. But I don't want to break up, I want to send him letters and care packages. I want to hear from him every couple of weeks, I want to support him. But he won't let me... I feel lost.

*MarineBug* · 07-21-2009, 12:01 PM

That can be a really hard situation but if thats what he wants then I think its best to respect his wishes. When he gets over there he may change his mind. Till then I would let it be

xmanswifey · 07-22-2009, 08:22 PM

He may be scared that the relationship will be hard while he is over there. Just ask him exactly why he feels that way, and you can always come and talk to me if u want to. I hope that you guys get to stay together.

~Laura~ · 07-22-2009, 08:37 PM

Friends can still send care packages, letters, emails, etc to show support, just don't expect the same level of affectionate appreciation in return. I'm sure he'll appreciate them but not necessarily in a lovey dovey kind of way. If that makes any sense at all...

On one hand, if you don't want to date anyone else while he is gone then don't. But on the other hand, don't put your life on old if he is not indicating that he is ready to move forward with you; I'd hate to see you get your heart broken.

Kyley said it better than I could - respect his wishes.

hannahb · 07-22-2009, 08:39 PM

I would respect what he wants... he is gonna be busy going through alot of stuff and if he doesnt want to deal with a relationship you might want to honor that

sailorslove84 · 07-22-2009, 08:48 PM

My DB and I have only been together for 3 months officially before he deployed. I say ask him if you can at least stay in communication while he's away via letters, care packages, emails, etc.

DB and I had several long talks about our relationship before he left. If both people in the relationship aren't putting in the same amount of effort then the relationship can become strained and spontaneously combust. He is then stuck in a location where he is not only miserable physically, but then mentally stressed to the max between your relationship and the deployment.

I think your man is protecting not only you, but himself. I know this will be difficult to do, but put yourself in his shoes. This is a really tough decision for him, I'm sure.

CrimsonDiva · 07-22-2009, 09:34 PM

I was in your exact same situation. My boyfriend and I had only been dating 2 months before he was deployed. He didn't want the girlfriend/boyfriend commitment at the time because the trust wasn't there yet and he figured I would be unhappy and date other guys while he was gone. Well, even though we were just "friends" during the deployment, I remained faithful and sent care packages and letters.

When he came back, we picked up right where we left off and about a month later he asked me to be his girlfriend :-)

07-21-2009, 11:59 AM	#1 (permalink)
CookieMonster Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 5%	I feel kinda lost My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 months. He'll be training in the desert until October then off to Afghanistan for 12-18 months. I know that we haven't been dating for long. He wants to break up before he leaves and wants me to date other people. He doesn't want to worry about me. He says that if I'm there when he gets back great and if not he hopes we can still be friends. But I don't want to break up, I want to send him letters and care packages. I want to hear from him every couple of weeks, I want to support him. But he won't let me... I feel lost.

07-21-2009, 12:01 PM	#2 (permalink)
MarineBug KYLEY Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Me:SoCal DH:Afghanistan Stationed:Camp Pendleton Posts: 16,106 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (12) Activity: 50% Longevity: 34%	That can be a really hard situation but if thats what he wants then I think its best to respect his wishes. When he gets over there he may change his mind. Till then I would let it be __________________ 7 MONTHS 8 DAYS Since Bubba Went to Afghanistan If you are looking for Custom Bows to match your little ones outfit for any holiday please PM me! Order custom holiday bows now and receive FREE SHIPPING!

07-22-2009, 08:22 PM	#3 (permalink)
xmanswifey trying to be PATIENT while i wait for the time to be OVER! Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Fort Hood, Tx Posts: 194 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 7%	He may be scared that the relationship will be hard while he is over there. Just ask him exactly why he feels that way, and you can always come and talk to me if u want to. I hope that you guys get to stay together. __________________ ~HE HAD MY HEART BEFORE HE BECAME A SOLDIER, HE WILL HAVE IT FOREVER AFTERWARDS~

07-22-2009, 08:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
~Laura~ Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 2,887 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 24% Longevity: 20%	Friends can still send care packages, letters, emails, etc to show support, just don't expect the same level of affectionate appreciation in return. I'm sure he'll appreciate them but not necessarily in a lovey dovey kind of way. If that makes any sense at all... On one hand, if you don't want to date anyone else while he is gone then don't. But on the other hand, don't put your life on old if he is not indicating that he is ready to move forward with you; I'd hate to see you get your heart broken. Kyley said it better than I could - respect his wishes. __________________

07-22-2009, 08:39 PM	#5 (permalink)
hannahb forever and ever baby. Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Me: Ft Lewis/ Puyallup Him: Afghan Posts: 1,912 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 11% Longevity: 13%	I would respect what he wants... he is gonna be busy going through alot of stuff and if he doesnt want to deal with a relationship you might want to honor that __________________

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07-22-2009, 08:48 PM	#6 (permalink)
sailorslove84 Traded painting for kisses until he returns Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Cleveland, OH Posts: 122 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 6% Longevity: 6%	My DB and I have only been together for 3 months officially before he deployed. I say ask him if you can at least stay in communication while he's away via letters, care packages, emails, etc. DB and I had several long talks about our relationship before he left. If both people in the relationship aren't putting in the same amount of effort then the relationship can become strained and spontaneously combust. He is then stuck in a location where he is not only miserable physically, but then mentally stressed to the max between your relationship and the deployment. I think your man is protecting not only you, but himself. I know this will be difficult to do, but put yourself in his shoes. This is a really tough decision for him, I'm sure. __________________ His Angel is waiting for her Sailor.

07-22-2009, 09:34 PM	#7 (permalink)
CrimsonDiva Senior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Sleepless in Seattle Posts: 112 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 13% Longevity: 8%	I was in your exact same situation. My boyfriend and I had only been dating 2 months before he was deployed. He didn't want the girlfriend/boyfriend commitment at the time because the trust wasn't there yet and he figured I would be unhappy and date other guys while he was gone. Well, even though we were just "friends" during the deployment, I remained faithful and sent care packages and letters. When he came back, we picked up right where we left off and about a month later he asked me to be his girlfriend :-) __________________ I'm a LOSER!! GO TEAM ORANGE!!