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Thread: Husband of deployed wife needs help

  1. jaaack2k3
    jaaack2k3's Avatar

    Husband of deployed wife needs help

    Well this is a first for me and here I am writing probably on a predominantly female forum, so I hope you all could help ease my pain. Let me begin by giving some background to my predicament, my wife and I were married in April 07 and shortly after our marriage found out that she was deploying to Iraq, (she is a reservist USAF) so knowing that the deployment was immanent we decided to do what we wanted so we traveled and partied and went out alot.

    She has been gone two months and from the moment when she left to now there has been a big change in her attitude and she only talks of negative things in out relationship and her life, and says she has experienced things that she canít explain. And that I dont know what it is like over there. She also mentions how she now wants to do things in life that she felt she could not do before and it seems like that I am holding her back. I tell her and reassure her that she should do whatever she wants and I support her and love her, but lately when we do talk she has soo much resentment towards me and she is just not herself.

    It is breaking my heart to see her like this, this is not the person that I saw go at the airport. To top it of she comes home Jan 08 and wants to go visit a GF that she met and bonded with there w/o me soon after getting home. I feel absolutely crushed, this is not the wife I feel in love with, she is second guessing a bunch of things she has not done in life yet, and even our marriage. What should I do, I need help.

  2. shawnam
    shawnam's Avatar
    this is such a hard topic, I dont know what to say. I'm not in the same situation with you, but I think that she's probably right. She has seen and experienced things that you'll never understand. I think the important thing now is to be very, very supportive and strong for her. Don't give up on what you guys have - it's still there. She needs you and it to still be there.

    Sorry if this post didn't help you to much. If anything, it'll bump it up to the top of the forum so hopefully more people see it. Maybe they can help more than I.
  3. MilitarySOS Jewel
    Volare.'s Avatar
    Volare. is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Oct 2007

    i don't really have any advice, since i've never experienced anything like that. I can tell you that you're not alone, though.

    A lot of times it's just a defense mechanism, to ease the pain of being away from the ones she loves. It's easier not to miss someone if you focus on the negatives. I'm not saying that is a healthy thing to do, but it is quite common.

    I think communication is the key. Clearly she has some pent up emotions that are taking control of her, i think you need to discuss them and try to figure out what the real problems are so you can work them out. Maybe she just needs a real hug, and someone to be there for her unconditionally.

    I'm sorry you're going through this!!

    ETA:: oops! i just noticed this was a double post on your end! I should of read the other replies in the other thread, first!

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