He just left for Iraq and I have NO IDEA what to expect. - Deployment Support Groups

68W-LVR · 11-20-2007, 04:21 PM

Hopefully people are ok with me being on here. I didn't know where to turn other than the internet. My Partner (we're gay) just left for Iraq last night. He's been in Fort Lewis, WA for the last few months and I've been travelling out to see him about once a month. I'm still back in Ohio since the Military doesn't exactly help with the US thing. The seperation of just being on opposite sides of the country has been hard. We used to live together and do everything together. My world has felt upside down. I miss him. Regardless, now that he is heading to War I'm a mess. I don't know what to expect. I don't know what I can / should send. When should I (or should I even hope for) phone calls? He didn't take care of a few things before he left and I don't have POA so when do I wait to nag him about getting things done that can't wait? Basically I know nothing more than I am stuck in Ohio and feel useless. I don't know what to do or expect in any regard and any information would be more than I have now. I don't want to feel like I'm in this alone.

Miranda · 11-20-2007, 04:42 PM

There are lots of people on here whos spouses are deployed. Mine isnt currently, but i am sure that there are plenty of ppl on here who can give you all sorts of advice and what to expects. Hang in there!!

~~GlitterCrotch~~ · 11-20-2007, 04:50 PM

My husband told me to send lots of Pogey Bait (ie snacks, jerkey candy, etc) and pictures, books are good too. On top of that whatever he needs that the military doesn't provide there.

Mine just left for our first deployment, so I don't have much advice.

The Megster · 11-20-2007, 04:57 PM

Frankly, you being gay has NOTHING to do with what you are going through and if anyone makes a stink about it on here, just ignore.

MANY ladies and gents on here are feeling the EXACT feelings you are, including myself. You are one of "US", we are here to support you in your ups and downs and be prepared for ups and downs in your emotions.

Please feel free with PM me anytime you need a electronic ear. As many of us say we are happily dating are cells and PCs anayway.

I Miss Him:( · 11-20-2007, 05:03 PM

WELCOME to the site! Its hard to tell someone you love goodbye or really see ya later. He should be able to write you and the occasional phone call and if he has a laptop then may or may not have the oppertunity to get internet without going to the MWR. Sending letters and snack and pics is the best for him. LETTERS are especially important. Good Luck! IM me if you ever need to talk! ~Bonnie~

Kara · 11-20-2007, 05:03 PM

Welcome!

RaMi · 11-20-2007, 05:04 PM

welcome! You came to the right place, there are a ton of us on here going through deployments right now too. HOpefully you'll get the support and ideas/tips that you need

petsparkle · 11-20-2007, 05:07 PM

Hang in there!! My DH is deployed right now too. It sucks, but it will get easier. Right now your world is upturned, and I'm sure it's harder for you than me since the military isn't as supportive of your relationship. But, having said that, you have support on here!!

Your SO will be able to give you his address (which will be an FPO or APO, not quite sure which) so you can send things to him. It will cost you the same as if you shipped USPS. The rate is to NY I believe. I send flat-rate priority mail boxes personally.

On the nagging thing, give him a few days to settle in, but he needs to take care of stuff before he "gets into the thick of things" and totally forgets about them. He may have a legal officer over there who can draw up a POA and mail it to you too. It's easy for them to forget about responsibilities and obligations back home when they're deployed. We have to be the voice of reason that keeps them in-touch with it all.

The amount of contact will really depend on his schedule, and where he is. My DH gets a 15 minute phone call twice a week. Others have phone banks available and he can use a callling card to call you. You'll want to get a good cheap calling card because the prices are outrageous otherwise.

Ummm... other things. I think you can ask him what he needs once he's settled there. You don't want to send stuff he already has available. But think of comfort type stuff. I'm sending homemade fudge to my DH because it's a holiday thing for him (and won't get messed up in the mail).

Hang in there, your emotions are going to be crazy for a few weeks, but you'll settle into a routine and it will get easier. There's lots of people on here who are dealing with deployments too, so feel free to ask questions, no matter how silly they may sound!

RunAwayLove · 11-20-2007, 05:08 PM

to SOS!

*MarineBug* · 11-20-2007, 05:42 PM

Hi and welcome! I am Kyley wife to KC (USMC) currently deployed to Iraq. I am sorry you are having a hard time. If it makes you feel better feeling a tad helpless is pretty normal and usually happens to everyone. Before we were married and I didnt have POA or anything I felt this way. I dont have that anxiety any more luckily. I have to point out that I think when guys come on here and they are gay it is wonderful. You deserve to be apart of us wives and girlfriends just as much as anyone. As far as phone calls you should expect one at one point. It all depends on his job how busy he is if he is at a base and how long te travel takes. Im here if you need someone to talk to. Take Care
Kyley

11-20-2007, 04:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
68W-LVR Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Fort Lewis but I'm still in Ohio Posts: 923 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 34%	He just left for Iraq and I have NO IDEA what to expect. Hopefully people are ok with me being on here. I didn't know where to turn other than the internet. My Partner (we're gay) just left for Iraq last night. He's been in Fort Lewis, WA for the last few months and I've been travelling out to see him about once a month. I'm still back in Ohio since the Military doesn't exactly help with the US thing. The seperation of just being on opposite sides of the country has been hard. We used to live together and do everything together. My world has felt upside down. I miss him. Regardless, now that he is heading to War I'm a mess. I don't know what to expect. I don't know what I can / should send. When should I (or should I even hope for) phone calls? He didn't take care of a few things before he left and I don't have POA so when do I wait to nag him about getting things done that can't wait? Basically I know nothing more than I am stuck in Ohio and feel useless. I don't know what to do or expect in any regard and any information would be more than I have now. I don't want to feel like I'm in this alone.

11-20-2007, 04:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
Miranda Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Greenwood, IN Posts: 1,870 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 61%	There are lots of people on here whos spouses are deployed. Mine isnt currently, but i am sure that there are plenty of ppl on here who can give you all sorts of advice and what to expects. Hang in there!! __________________ Miranda DD- Arianna (10/10/03) DH- Arthur....FMF Corpsman http://www.myspace.com/miranda519 <~ Wedding Pics are up!!!

11-20-2007, 04:57 PM	#4 (permalink)
The Megster Known Once Upon a Time as ILoveMySPC!!! Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Baltimore, Maryland Posts: 2,770 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 41%	Frankly, you being gay has NOTHING to do with what you are going through and if anyone makes a stink about it on here, just ignore. MANY ladies and gents on here are feeling the EXACT feelings you are, including myself. You are one of "US", we are here to support you in your ups and downs and be prepared for ups and downs in your emotions. Please feel free with PM me anytime you need a electronic ear. As many of us say we are happily dating are cells and PCs anayway. __________________ May today there be peace within. May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you....allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance and to bask in the sun. It is there for each and everyone of you.-- St. Teresa

11-20-2007, 05:03 PM	#6 (permalink)
Kara Psych Student by Day.. Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 13,111 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 65%	Welcome! __________________ Thank you for my siggy Stacey! He's home from Iraq!

11-20-2007, 05:04 PM	#7 (permalink)
RaMi what is meant to be will always find it's way :) Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: San Diego! Posts: 1,494 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 2% Longevity: 36%	welcome! You came to the right place, there are a ton of us on here going through deployments right now too. HOpefully you'll get the support and ideas/tips that you need __________________ Goodbye ticker! He's back in my arms!!

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11-20-2007, 04:50 PM	#3 (permalink)
~~GlitterCrotch~~ Banned Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 18,873 Classifieds: (2) Activity: 0% Longevity: 44%	My husband told me to send lots of Pogey Bait (ie snacks, jerkey candy, etc) and pictures, books are good too. On top of that whatever he needs that the military doesn't provide there. Mine just left for our first deployment, so I don't have much advice.

11-20-2007, 05:03 PM	#5 (permalink)
I Miss Him:( Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Charleston South Carolina Posts: 1,054 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 35%	WELCOME to the site! Its hard to tell someone you love goodbye or really see ya later. He should be able to write you and the occasional phone call and if he has a laptop then may or may not have the oppertunity to get internet without going to the MWR. Sending letters and snack and pics is the best for him. LETTERS are especially important. Good Luck! IM me if you ever need to talk! ~Bonnie~

11-20-2007, 05:07 PM	#8 (permalink)
petsparkle Survived 8 deployments... Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 4,115 Classifieds: (5) Activity: 1% Longevity: 35%	Hang in there!! My DH is deployed right now too. It sucks, but it will get easier. Right now your world is upturned, and I'm sure it's harder for you than me since the military isn't as supportive of your relationship. But, having said that, you have support on here!! Your SO will be able to give you his address (which will be an FPO or APO, not quite sure which) so you can send things to him. It will cost you the same as if you shipped USPS. The rate is to NY I believe. I send flat-rate priority mail boxes personally. On the nagging thing, give him a few days to settle in, but he needs to take care of stuff before he "gets into the thick of things" and totally forgets about them. He may have a legal officer over there who can draw up a POA and mail it to you too. It's easy for them to forget about responsibilities and obligations back home when they're deployed. We have to be the voice of reason that keeps them in-touch with it all. The amount of contact will really depend on his schedule, and where he is. My DH gets a 15 minute phone call twice a week. Others have phone banks available and he can use a callling card to call you. You'll want to get a good cheap calling card because the prices are outrageous otherwise. Ummm... other things. I think you can ask him what he needs once he's settled there. You don't want to send stuff he already has available. But think of comfort type stuff. I'm sending homemade fudge to my DH because it's a holiday thing for him (and won't get messed up in the mail). Hang in there, your emotions are going to be crazy for a few weeks, but you'll settle into a routine and it will get easier. There's lots of people on here who are dealing with deployments too, so feel free to ask questions, no matter how silly they may sound! __________________ "If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them."

11-20-2007, 05:08 PM	#9 (permalink)
RunAwayLove Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 32,850 Classifieds: (2) Activity: 0% Longevity: 39%	to SOS! __________________

11-20-2007, 05:42 PM	#10 (permalink)
MarineBug KYLEY Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Me:SoCal DH:Afghanistan Stationed:Camp Pendleton Posts: 16,112 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (12) Activity: 48% Longevity: 34%	Hi and welcome! I am Kyley wife to KC (USMC) currently deployed to Iraq. I am sorry you are having a hard time. If it makes you feel better feeling a tad helpless is pretty normal and usually happens to everyone. Before we were married and I didnt have POA or anything I felt this way. I dont have that anxiety any more luckily. I have to point out that I think when guys come on here and they are gay it is wonderful. You deserve to be apart of us wives and girlfriends just as much as anyone. As far as phone calls you should expect one at one point. It all depends on his job how busy he is if he is at a base and how long te travel takes. Im here if you need someone to talk to. Take Care Kyley __________________ Welcome Home