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Thread: Move home or stay?

  1. Fresh Newbie
    Ava1133's Avatar
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    Jan 2017

    Move home or stay?

    Hey everyone,
    I am reaching out on this forum to see if any of you have advice/experience with staying on base while your spouse is deployed. I am conflicted as to whether I should stay here while he's gone to further my career or go home to the comfort and love of my family and close friends.
    I am typically very busy, working full time and in graduate school full time as well and I haven't been able to develop close friendships here on Camp Pendleton because I don't have time to go to military events or go out much. The thing is that i will graduate with my Masters as soon as my husband leaves and then I will have a lot of extra time to do nothing and enjoy myself, but also when I am alone I tend to get depressed. I contemplated going home for those 7 months of his deployment but then I wonder what I will do at home during that time. It would be difficult to start a job and then have to leave it a few months later to come back here, and I can't just sit around for 7 months doing nothing because again I will also get depressed.
    My compromise was to go home for a month or two at the beginning of his deployment and then come back to start a new career with my Masters degree and maintain our home for when he returns. I guess I am seriously lacking companionships here and am unsure where to start to make friendships to make the time alone easier.
    Ladies, if you were in my position what would you do? Or how do you typically make friends with other spouses?

    Thanks a bunch!
  2. Senior Member
    Heisenberg's Avatar
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    May 2011
    South Florida
    I would probably do half and half? Go home for a little while but then go back to where you're stationed to find a job and get yourself situated for when he comes back.
  3. Senior Member
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    Nov 2015
    Your plan to go home for a month or two sounds smart to me. You will have the comfort of your family until you start to get into a routine without him and then you can go back and start looking for a job and making sure everything is ready so his transition back will be as smooth as possible.
  4. Senior Member
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    Jan 2015
    If it was me stay. But that is me. When my husband deployed the first time I had a job wasn't the greatest but it gave me something to do. I had friends outside of the military who I wanted to stay by. Which maybe if you stay it can give you that time to become involved if you want to.

    I have gone home when my husband has had long trips for his most recent job....and while nice I can't wait to get home too. I didn't grow up where my parents live.

    Even knowing we will see deployment in the new command I might go home for a few weeks but that is also cause now I have 2 kids and it would be a break from them. But otherwise pretty much planning on staying where we are stationed.
  5. Regular Member
    Mayhem01's Avatar
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    Oct 2016
    During my husband's last deployment I stayed at my parents house but went up to our house every 2 weeks. Just to hang out with friends, make sure the house was okay and to have time to myself.
  6. Old Newbie
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    Apr 2017
    If I were you I'd stay. Yes, you will have more free time but maybe take that time to go to military events and make friends with the other wives that know what you are going through. Also it would probably be easier job wise to stay. Maybe go see your family for a week or two after he deploys so you're not alone right after he leaves.
  7. Ummmmm...........
    Abbynormal's Avatar
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    Nov 2011
    San Diego, CA
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    My husband did two deployments while he was in. The first one, I went back home and lived with my dad and sister. The second one, I stayed in San Diego alone. I was much, much happier the second time. I was working, making friends, and staying busy. When I went back home, I had nothing to do, but everyone else was busy and working on their lives.

    I wouldn't even suggest going for a full month or two. Plan a few week long trips instead.
  8. Senior Member
    dekeoboe's Avatar
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    The OP posted this in January and has never returned to the site.
  9. Senior Member
    bdizzle's Avatar
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    Sep 2011
    I don't go home. I'd rather shoot my own foot than move back in with my parents, or live with his. After about a week at either I'm like "alright, time to get out". I like my alone time and my own life. So I wouldn't go back, except for a short visit.

    personally, I find it weird when people move back home for a deployment. Like, if you were single would you just up and move home? You'd figure out your new life, right? unless there's some weird situation like you have five kids or you need some kind of help or something, it seems weird to just go home.

    eta: damnit just noticed date

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