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Thread: Boyfriend Deploys Soon ~ Question Regarding Behavior and Distance

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    #1

    Boyfriend Deploys Soon ~ Question Regarding Behavior and Distance

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    Hi everyone!
    I am fairly new here and found you after deciding that I needed a resource other than my girlfriends who are not familiar with this situation.

    We are a very close couple, we do everything together and are each others closest friends. We have friends together and separate but we prefer to be together. Being apart is not my worry so much as the stage we are in right now of him getting ready to leave in a few weeks. Everything has been very normal up until the last two weeks or so when I noticed him being more absent minded or maybe less present is the correct way to explain it. He has had all these field ops and trainings for 10+ days at a time, duty and then left again after a duty that lasted 36 hours right into a 13+ day field op. He is exhausted, stressed and who knows what else.

    I am trying to not cry in front of him and if I feel it coming I go to the room and hide out until I can clear myself of tears, though he always knows and comes in asking "whats wrong" though he clearly knows haha

    I do not ask much of him and do not expect a lot of chit chat when he is gone for 10+ day trainings, though in the past if he had service I would get good mornings and good nights and mid day snap chats but they are getting fewer and farther between now. He calls when he has time but the banter and chit chat has been greatly reduced. I just want to feel like he is still happy and getting everything he needs while also giving him space and support.

    We spend 90% of the time at his house but I still have kept my house, last night after his 36 hour duty, I went by to kiss him goodbye and hug him then left so he could pack and relax. I know he appreciates me knowing that he needs that, even if both of us wanted to be together it was best for him to not have me there and add to him having to talk to think about anything but packing, food and sleep.

    I told him the other day that I almost can't wait for him to leave already, I am sure that makes sense to all/most of you, since this leading up to portion is seemingly worse than the adjustment of the routine we will have once he has left.

    Does everyone struggle with pre deployment distance? Changes in their guy's behavior? As long as I am not going crazy I can manage this but I am starting to think it is me. haha

    Side note: I am not a needy type girlfriend, I let him call me when he can, text me when he can and don't ask a lot of needy questions of how, what, where, when and why. He tells me and I will ask as he speaks but I trust him in guiding us. But darn it I feel bad asking for his attention right now but suddenly I feel like my guy has poofed into lala land.

    We always laugh that I text him when he is away and he cant get them or respond to them right away or even in the same day sometimes but loves getting them and would rather receive 70 messages from me rambling than 0 from me assuming he didnt have service.

    Any thoughts would be great! Thank you for having me in your group!

    Rachael
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Remwhite32 View Post
    Hi everyone!
    I am fairly new here and found you after deciding that I needed a resource other than my girlfriends who are not familiar with this situation.

    We are a very close couple, we do everything together and are each others closest friends. We have friends together and separate but we prefer to be together. Being apart is not my worry so much as the stage we are in right now of him getting ready to leave in a few weeks. Everything has been very normal up until the last two weeks or so when I noticed him being more absent minded or maybe less present is the correct way to explain it. He has had all these field ops and trainings for 10+ days at a time, duty and then left again after a duty that lasted 36 hours right into a 13+ day field op. He is exhausted, stressed and who knows what else.

    I am trying to not cry in front of him and if I feel it coming I go to the room and hide out until I can clear myself of tears, though he always knows and comes in asking "whats wrong" though he clearly knows haha

    I do not ask much of him and do not expect a lot of chit chat when he is gone for 10+ day trainings, though in the past if he had service I would get good mornings and good nights and mid day snap chats but they are getting fewer and farther between now. He calls when he has time but the banter and chit chat has been greatly reduced. I just want to feel like he is still happy and getting everything he needs while also giving him space and support.

    We spend 90% of the time at his house but I still have kept my house, last night after his 36 hour duty, I went by to kiss him goodbye and hug him then left so he could pack and relax. I know he appreciates me knowing that he needs that, even if both of us wanted to be together it was best for him to not have me there and add to him having to talk to think about anything but packing, food and sleep.

    I told him the other day that I almost can't wait for him to leave already, I am sure that makes sense to all/most of you, since this leading up to portion is seemingly worse than the adjustment of the routine we will have once he has left.

    Does everyone struggle with pre deployment distance? Changes in their guy's behavior? As long as I am not going crazy I can manage this but I am starting to think it is me. haha

    Side note: I am not a needy type girlfriend, I let him call me when he can, text me when he can and don't ask a lot of needy questions of how, what, where, when and why. He tells me and I will ask as he speaks but I trust him in guiding us. But darn it I feel bad asking for his attention right now but suddenly I feel like my guy has poofed into lala land.

    We always laugh that I text him when he is away and he cant get them or respond to them right away or even in the same day sometimes but loves getting them and would rather receive 70 messages from me rambling than 0 from me assuming he didnt have service.

    Any thoughts would be great! Thank you for having me in your group!

    Rachael


    Well I have a lot of stress going on leave my purse every where i go! so I totally get the absent minded feeling.

    I never went through a deployment but when my df pcsed the week or so leading up to it was horrible! I couldn't control my teads. Just remember its ok for him to see you cry! Everytime I am leaving from a visit I cry. Its ok, he feels it too! Just try not to dwell on it. Once he leaves keep yourself busy and get into a routine. Seems like you are doing great!

    ETA: not great , I meant you are on the right track and handeling it the best way possible.
    "She knew she loved him when 'home' went from being a place to being a person."
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    #3
    Welcome!

    Pre-Deployment is the worst stage! I totally get your comment about hurry up and leave already to get the deployment over with! He's preparing, mentally, emotionally and physically.... totally normal! I absolutely hate pre-deployment stage because I'm trying to prepare, he's trying to prepare and we still are going on with our daily lives!!! It's just stressful all the way around!

    Sounds like you know not to be the in your face pushy type which is good! When he arrives at his destination I'm sure you both will settle into a new routine and work out your communication!

    Good Luck!
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    Thank yoU!
    he has been on so many training and field ops now over the last few months that I joke and call it training wheels. If he was home all the time then suddenly gone I think it would be much worse but seems like I have slowly been able to adjust to the time away and the the lack of communication ability when he is away.

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