Marriage Before or After Deployment? - Deployment Preparation

jc141620 · 10-25-2009, 09:32 PM

Hello Everyone,

I recently got engaged and started working on wedding preparations because the way my fiancé was talking he wanted to get married before he deployed in January 2011. Well now he is acting like he wants to get married after he comes back. He keeps asking me for what I want but I am hesitant to tell him because if I tell him that I want to get married in December 2010 he will agree. He will decide whatever I want and I don't want that. I am so lost and confused I need some help or advice. What is your views on marriage before or after deployment?

My Fiancé is at Fort Knox, KY and I am in Alabama.

J.Ski · 10-25-2009, 09:34 PM

In your situation I'd get married before especially since he's not deploying for over a year.

Shantell12 · 10-25-2009, 09:35 PM

well welcome first off and Im also from AL. PM me!!

We had planned on getting married when he graduated training school which happened to be right before his deployment so that was our situation. It has been working out okay but I think its just best to do whatever is good for your relationship.

JAYOSA · 10-25-2009, 09:47 PM

what do you feel like doing is the question? does waiting make any difference?

LoveDisappears · 10-26-2009, 01:17 AM

How long have you been together? In my situation, I probably should have waitied until AFTER the deployment to decide on getting married, cause it probably wouldn't have happened, hence the divorce. lol.

His*PITA* · 10-26-2009, 01:22 AM

Originally Posted by jc141620

Hello Everyone,

I recently got engaged and started working on wedding preparations because the way my fiancé was talking he wanted to get married before he deployed in January 2011. Well now he is acting like he wants to get married after he comes back. He keeps asking me for what I want but I am hesitant to tell him because if I tell him that I want to get married in December 2010 he will agree. He will decide whatever I want and I don't want that. I am so lost and confused I need some help or advice. What is your views on marriage before or after deployment?

My Fiancé is at Fort Knox, KY and I am in Alabama.

You still have a decent amount of time to decide... This choice in the end is up to you, but I will give ya my two cents...

Deployments are hard, they can make or break a relationship... If you can help it, I personally would not want to get married and then spend the first year of marriage apart... I would either get married sooner and spend some time as a married couple, or wait and get married after the deployment

PrOuDaRmYWiFe08 · 10-26-2009, 01:23 AM

Thats a toughy....I would wait until after. So your not pressured with deployment. Also Make sure that the guy he comes back as is the one you want to marry. Some men change after deployment and since you would not have had the chance to have been a married couple before he left it would put alot of pressure on the both of you.

in the end it is up to you and your DF on what you want to do, just make sure its not because of a looming deployment!

CubLub63 · 10-26-2009, 01:33 AM

Personally, I would wait until after. Unless you have a substantial amount of time to be a married a couple and get to be with each other as such, I think it'd be best to wait. Had DH deployed right after AIT, I definitely would have waited. We're on a very different level after a year of marriage and he's even more different nearing the end of his deployment. The changes you two might go through would be the biggest waiting factors for me.

10-25-2009, 09:32 PM	#1 (permalink)
jc141620 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 6 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 5% Longevity: 1%	Marriage Before or After Deployment? Hello Everyone, I recently got engaged and started working on wedding preparations because the way my fiancé was talking he wanted to get married before he deployed in January 2011. Well now he is acting like he wants to get married after he comes back. He keeps asking me for what I want but I am hesitant to tell him because if I tell him that I want to get married in December 2010 he will agree. He will decide whatever I want and I don't want that. I am so lost and confused I need some help or advice. What is your views on marriage before or after deployment? My Fiancé is at Fort Knox, KY and I am in Alabama.

10-25-2009, 09:34 PM	#2 (permalink)
J.Ski Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 8,852 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 71% Longevity: 27%	In your situation I'd get married before especially since he's not deploying for over a year. __________________

10-25-2009, 09:35 PM	#3 (permalink)
Shantell12 Adams Girl Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Im in AL He is deployed Posts: 2,550 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (1) Activity: 42% Longevity: 19%	well welcome first off and Im also from AL. PM me!! We had planned on getting married when he graduated training school which happened to be right before his deployment so that was our situation. It has been working out okay but I think its just best to do whatever is good for your relationship. __________________

10-25-2009, 09:47 PM	#4 (permalink)
JAYOSA Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: San Diego/Coronado Posts: 369 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 20% Longevity: 5%	what do you feel like doing is the question? does waiting make any difference? __________________

10-26-2009, 01:17 AM	#5 (permalink)
LoveDisappears ..is brought to you by the letters W.T.F.! Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Pensacola, FL Posts: 13,002 Classifieds: (3) Activity: 92% Longevity: 22%	How long have you been together? In my situation, I probably should have waitied until AFTER the deployment to decide on getting married, cause it probably wouldn't have happened, hence the divorce. lol. __________________ Loves her Beautiful Wifey, Liegh. 12.05.08 KennyB = Greatness!

About Us

MilitarySOS Shortcuts

MilitarySOS Help

About MilitarySOS

10-26-2009, 01:23 AM	#7 (permalink)
PrOuDaRmYWiFe08 Currently surviving Deployment # 1 Join Date: May 2008 Location: Me: Back in Texas, My love: Hell which is Afghanistan Posts: 1,741 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 34% Longevity: 25%	Thats a toughy....I would wait until after. So your not pressured with deployment. Also Make sure that the guy he comes back as is the one you want to marry. Some men change after deployment and since you would not have had the chance to have been a married couple before he left it would put alot of pressure on the both of you. in the end it is up to you and your DF on what you want to do, just make sure its not because of a looming deployment! __________________

10-26-2009, 01:33 AM	#8 (permalink)
CubLub63 Hurry up 2010! Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Me: Living in Texas. DH: Deployed. Posts: 7,356 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 89% Longevity: 40%	Personally, I would wait until after. Unless you have a substantial amount of time to be a married a couple and get to be with each other as such, I think it'd be best to wait. Had DH deployed right after AIT, I definitely would have waited. We're on a very different level after a year of marriage and he's even more different nearing the end of his deployment. The changes you two might go through would be the biggest waiting factors for me.