Thinking of going back "home" for deployment.. advice? - Deployment Preparation

diapason05 · 10-24-2009, 10:29 PM

Hey girls...
My husband is leaving soon on another deployment, and I am considering going back to live with my mom when he is gone. I'd be there for about 6 months.. until May or June of next year. I don't have very many friends here in Hawaii and no family, and the last deployment a year and a half ago was hell for me. He left a few months after we moved here and only two months after we got married.
My main issues are that I have a dog and a cat and I will have to leave our townhouse with everything while I am gone.
It is a pain in the butt to bring animals back to the island because of the laws, and it will be a long trip to Florida just to get them out there... My mom said I could leave the animals there once I leave, and we could get them when my husband gets out of the Navy next December.

Has anyone gone to live with family during a deployment? I wonder if it will make it any easier or harder. I feel really isolated here, and I am dreading being alone again. I would have someone come live with me, but the only person who might do that is my sister and she is also living with my mom while she finishes college. I think it might be good for me to be around family again.

I guess I feel conflicted because I feel like I need to take care of the house and I want to be close to our things and... sleep in our bed and have all the things around me that remind me of my hubby for when he's gone. At the same time, I think that makes it much worse. I got really really sick last time too, and I had to crawl to my phone and call an ambulance at 4am. It really bothers me that something could happen and no one would even know and I have no one here at all. I tried being a part of the wive's group last time, but it didn't make me feel like I really had any additional support, honestly.

I also didn't get a long well with my mom when I lived with her, and while I look forward to living again with other people instead of alone, I worry about whether or not we will fight.

So... anyone have any advice? If I lived on the mainland, it would be less of a decision for me. It would be easier for me to move the animals and I could more easily fly back to our house. The flight from here to Florida is a really long day. I worry for our Boxer, too.
But it is very isolating out here...

Serpentine · 10-24-2009, 10:31 PM

Home is only about 45 mins away, I work there...but still...I have my days where I wish I still had my parents, just because I get so lonely...

Mrz. Robinson · 10-24-2009, 10:32 PM

I wont leave when my DH gets deployed because I dont want to loss our housing. I will go home for a while but not to stay when he leaves. I want to get a job so I can pass the time

Amberlyn · 10-24-2009, 10:32 PM

Personally, I would stay in my own home... Thats me tho. I just moved 1200 miles from everything, to set up our new house while DH is deployed... Its hard, Im here pretty much alone, with the kids and pets.. But it was what needed to be done... so he can come home, and have his house already ready..
I don't know what caused you to be sick, but if it is a medical condition, then it would be something else to look at... being alone may not be good.
Your sister is the only person that can come out for a few months? Friends?

Solstice · 10-24-2009, 10:34 PM

Personally it's not something I would do. When I left my parents home it was for good. I can't imagine going back. I'm in Hawaii, my husband is deployed now and will deploy again, I don't have any close friends but I am so busy with work, my photography, college and all that that I really don't have time to feel isolated or lonely.

Good luck to you whatever you do.

~~felifreshh~~ · 10-24-2009, 10:36 PM

The only reason I moved from our post is because I JUST had a baby and didn't know anyone there. If I wouldn't of just had Maddox I would have stayed.. ESP now that he's re-enlisting.

It's not something I would do. I HATE living by my mothers rules and I wouldn't want to do it again at 20 years old.

Mrz. Robinson · 10-24-2009, 10:40 PM

No matter what I would not go back. Its just something that I hae to get use to

jttigerbaby · 10-24-2009, 10:41 PM

We are Army but I wont just for one reason, when they come back it is hell. They dont have enough barracks rooms for everyone so they are pretty much telling the Geo bach good luck with that, and the housing is telling people to expect at least a 60 day wait for a house. I just dont want my husband to have to come home to limbo.

diapason05 · 10-24-2009, 10:45 PM

Originally Posted by felifreshh

The only reason I moved from our post is because I JUST had a baby and didn't know anyone there. If I wouldn't of just had Maddox I would have stayed.. ESP now that he's re-enlisting.

It's not something I would do. I HATE living by my mothers rules and I wouldn't want to do it again at 20 years old.

Ugh I know... My mom can be really crazy, too. I will have my sister at least, though. It wouldn't hurt me to be forced to clean up around the house and stuff, though. When my husband left the last time I really lost it. I told myself I couldn't handle it and wouldn't go home the first time, but it really was truly awful.

Originally Posted by Amberlyn

Personally, I would stay in my own home... Thats me tho. I just moved 1200 miles from everything, to set up our new house while DH is deployed... Its hard, Im here pretty much alone, with the kids and pets.. But it was what needed to be done... so he can come home, and have his house already ready..
I don't know what caused you to be sick, but if it is a medical condition, then it would be something else to look at... being alone may not be good.
Your sister is the only person that can come out for a few months? Friends?

Yeah my sister is the only one. My friends all have their own stuff going on. One of my best friends has a baby now and everything, so it won't happen.

Originally Posted by Mrz. Robinson

I wont leave when my DH gets deployed because I dont want to loss our housing. I will go home for a while but not to stay when he leaves. I want to get a job so I can pass the time

Yeah I need to check on that. I know we are allowed to leave for a bit, but I don't know the rules on how long I can be gone for.

froglove · 10-24-2009, 10:46 PM

I went home for 3 months on our I think 2nd deployment. Yeah will NEVER do that again. While I LOVE my family but they drove me crazy. Staying in my dads house and having to hear all their silly pointless drama was stressing.

Next time I might go stay for a few weeks or so. But nothing more. I would miss my home and my things.

10-24-2009, 10:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
diapason05 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Hawaii Posts: 677 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 1% Longevity: 34%	Thinking of going back "home" for deployment.. advice? Hey girls... My husband is leaving soon on another deployment, and I am considering going back to live with my mom when he is gone. I'd be there for about 6 months.. until May or June of next year. I don't have very many friends here in Hawaii and no family, and the last deployment a year and a half ago was hell for me. He left a few months after we moved here and only two months after we got married. My main issues are that I have a dog and a cat and I will have to leave our townhouse with everything while I am gone. It is a pain in the butt to bring animals back to the island because of the laws, and it will be a long trip to Florida just to get them out there... My mom said I could leave the animals there once I leave, and we could get them when my husband gets out of the Navy next December. Has anyone gone to live with family during a deployment? I wonder if it will make it any easier or harder. I feel really isolated here, and I am dreading being alone again. I would have someone come live with me, but the only person who might do that is my sister and she is also living with my mom while she finishes college. I think it might be good for me to be around family again. I guess I feel conflicted because I feel like I need to take care of the house and I want to be close to our things and... sleep in our bed and have all the things around me that remind me of my hubby for when he's gone. At the same time, I think that makes it much worse. I got really really sick last time too, and I had to crawl to my phone and call an ambulance at 4am. It really bothers me that something could happen and no one would even know and I have no one here at all. I tried being a part of the wive's group last time, but it didn't make me feel like I really had any additional support, honestly. I also didn't get a long well with my mom when I lived with her, and while I look forward to living again with other people instead of alone, I worry about whether or not we will fight. So... anyone have any advice? If I lived on the mainland, it would be less of a decision for me. It would be easier for me to move the animals and I could more easily fly back to our house. The flight from here to Florida is a really long day. I worry for our Boxer, too. But it is very isolating out here...

10-24-2009, 10:31 PM	#2 (permalink)
Serpentine I know where you blog! Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: East Coast Posts: 7,075 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 84% Longevity: 18%	Home is only about 45 mins away, I work there...but still...I have my days where I wish I still had my parents, just because I get so lonely... __________________ Pssst... NO MORE TICKER

10-24-2009, 10:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
Mrz. Robinson LIVING IN GERMANY AND LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT Join Date: May 2009 Location: VILSECK GERMANY Posts: 1,797 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 92% Longevity: 9%	I wont leave when my DH gets deployed because I dont want to loss our housing. I will go home for a while but not to stay when he leaves. I want to get a job so I can pass the time __________________ He said will you be MINE 4eva Of Course I Replied YES!!

10-24-2009, 10:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
Amberlyn Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Northeast PA Posts: 1,029 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 79% Longevity: 1%	Personally, I would stay in my own home... Thats me tho. I just moved 1200 miles from everything, to set up our new house while DH is deployed... Its hard, Im here pretty much alone, with the kids and pets.. But it was what needed to be done... so he can come home, and have his house already ready.. I don't know what caused you to be sick, but if it is a medical condition, then it would be something else to look at... being alone may not be good. Your sister is the only person that can come out for a few months? Friends? __________________ my sexy beast.. and me

10-24-2009, 10:34 PM	#5 (permalink)
Solstice He's My Love Monkey!!!! Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Pearl Harbor, HI Posts: 2,949 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 94% Longevity: 6%	Personally it's not something I would do. When I left my parents home it was for good. I can't imagine going back. I'm in Hawaii, my husband is deployed now and will deploy again, I don't have any close friends but I am so busy with work, my photography, college and all that that I really don't have time to feel isolated or lonely. Good luck to you whatever you do. __________________

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10-24-2009, 10:36 PM	#6 (permalink)
~~felifreshh~~ Banned Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Springfield, Mo Posts: 2,712 Classifieds: (1) Activity: 15% Longevity: 7%	The only reason I moved from our post is because I JUST had a baby and didn't know anyone there. If I wouldn't of just had Maddox I would have stayed.. ESP now that he's re-enlisting. It's not something I would do. I HATE living by my mothers rules and I wouldn't want to do it again at 20 years old.

10-24-2009, 10:40 PM	#7 (permalink)
Mrz. Robinson LIVING IN GERMANY AND LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT Join Date: May 2009 Location: VILSECK GERMANY Posts: 1,797 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 92% Longevity: 9%	No matter what I would not go back. Its just something that I hae to get use to __________________ He said will you be MINE 4eva Of Course I Replied YES!!

10-24-2009, 10:41 PM	#8 (permalink)
jttigerbaby Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Fort Hood TX Posts: 627 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 46% Longevity: 4%	We are Army but I wont just for one reason, when they come back it is hell. They dont have enough barracks rooms for everyone so they are pretty much telling the Geo bach good luck with that, and the housing is telling people to expect at least a 60 day wait for a house. I just dont want my husband to have to come home to limbo. __________________

10-24-2009, 10:46 PM	#10 (permalink)
froglove Taking one day at a time!! Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 13,318 Classifieds: (2) Activity: 79% Longevity: 82%	I went home for 3 months on our I think 2nd deployment. Yeah will NEVER do that again. While I LOVE my family but they drove me crazy. Staying in my dads house and having to hear all their silly pointless drama was stressing. Next time I might go stay for a few weeks or so. But nothing more. I would miss my home and my things. __________________ GO BIG RED!!