Need advice

[inlovewithaSeal]

Hi everyone,

I am engaged to a someone in the military. He is being deployed in a few days.. We have really been having a hard time with this deployment. We fought a lot for a while, which was hard on us both. We aren't fighting anymore, but he is shutting me out emotionally. He barelytalks to me, never tells me about his day, and never holds me. I'm trying not to show him how hard this is on me because I want to be strong for him. I know he isn't excited about going overseas.... but I want to just scream at him! He won't share his feelings with me and is just shutting me out.

My question is this: How do I talk to him? How do I support him without going crazy myself? How do I get him to let me in??? We don't have much time left and I just want to be close to him.

Thanks,
Lindsay

[LittleRed]

You can't have the date in there, so please edit that out, as well as the number of days in your last sentence.

It sounds like the typical pre-deployment crap. We did the same thing. Sit him down and say "I know you're leaving. It's hard for both of us, but I want to spend these last few days appreciating every moment with you, not fighting and angry."

[Lauren1]

Okay well I know exactly what you're going thru. Drives me crazy when people give advice in one sentence and expect that to be it. My fiancee and I are getting ready to experience his first deployment and it has been hard on us too. We're trying to plan a wedding since he wants to be involved in that which is even more difficult!

Here are some things that I did that might help. I wrote down everything that I thought was completely ridiculous about deployment and what I hated and why I hated it. I then shared that with him and it kind of helped him understand what I was going through a little more. No one understands that going overseas is hard but staying home and keeping it together is even harder.

Someone gave me some good advice once...and it wasn't someone from this board which was even more amazing. Think about what is going to happen when he leaves if you all keep fighting. Even though he seems really p*oed right now, he'll probably be thinking about you when he goes overseas, which means that that will be taking up his mind. Would you want him thinking about you instead of worrying about what explosive he is supposed to be looking for, etc.?

I know thats a scary thought but that has kept it in perspective for me. I'm having issues but on a different level, so if you ever need to talk, message me. :o)