is this normal?

[Kitten35]

Hubby is deploying in a few weeks and it's our first one. Our relationship is better than ever, but I have been really pissy lately. I am uber pissed that I can't find a job of any kind, and bored out of my skull. DH is really excited to go overseas to a sandbox (he's never been out of the country in his life), but I'm just really jealous. I feel left behind and I am jealous that he is getting to do something he has wanted to do for like, years, and I'm just sitting around here at home. Is that wierd? Are these normal feelings to be having? Is it wierd that he's actually excited to go? Although I know it has nothing to do with me, it makes me feel like he can't wait to get away from me (I know, I know, it's a pity partay pour moi.) I do have a student or two on the side to tutor and a class I'll be starting soon, but that isn't going to fill every hour of the day.

Anyone have suggestions on how to cope? Are my feelings normal?

[NDNatlGuardGF]

All of those feelings are completely normal. DB had a rough deployment last time so he volunteered for this one to "make up for it." He was excited to leave too, and I just had to remind myself it was his own personal reasons and not because he wanted to leave me. And as far as feeling slightly abandoned, thats also normal. There are a few books I've read about the stages women go through during deployment prep and right after the guy leaves, and thats one of them. You're just going through it a bit earlier than most. The only advice I can give you, is to try to find something of your own while he's gone, like a new hobby or go to school or something. That way you won't feel so left out and you can both achieve something you've wanted. When he tells you about the new experiences he's having you can tell him about your own.

[Kitten35]

That's true. I will be taking a course that I'm really thrilled about, just waiting on the enrollment to be processed and all that, which seems to be taking a while. I've just been really depressed and negative which is not like me at all. Do you happen to know the name of the book or books?

[cupcaker]

I can't really tell you how to cope because my DH JUST left for his first deployment. But, if you ever want to talk to someone going through the same thing as you...I'm here!

[BJo]

No, it is not weird. This is why he has been training. It's not to sit on an army base and twiddle his thumbs. DH was very excited before his first deployment. It's his job to deploy and utilize what the Army has taught him.

Don't take it personally. It has nothing to do with you or your marriage.

[J.Ski]

Every event DH's unit has had(ceremony, ball, etc.) has been all about motivating them to get excited to go. "They're sending you because you're the best of the best. They know you'll get the job done, blah blah blah"

[NDNatlGuardGF]

Originally Posted by Kitten35 That's true. I will be taking a course that I'm really thrilled about, just waiting on the enrollment to be processed and all that, which seems to be taking a while. I've just been really depressed and negative which is not like me at all. Do you happen to know the name of the book or books?

My favorite one was Separated by Duty, United in Love, by Shellie Vandevoorde. You can find a used copy at amazon.com for about $4. It covers all the emotions you'll probably go through with him leaving and how to cope with them. I was in the military before and deployed myself, but had never had a boyfriend deploy and been the one left behind. I bought a bunch of those so that I knew what to expect and I think this one was the most thorough and accurate. If you have any trouble trying to find it, just PM me.