Sad, Scared,Emotional Mess - Deployment Preparation

GF4ID-Pacesetter · 11-20-2007, 05:56 PM

So I haven't posted in awhile but wanted to just express my feelings to people that can completely relate. So DB is leaving in 6 days for the dreaded 15 month deployment.

So here is the issue. We are a new couple(dating about 3 months) and I am having a hard time with him just acting like this is no big deal ( his 1st deployment) and I feel like maybe this is his way of being a "man" and having pride. I have been so up and down lately. I am not so worried about when he leaves as I know I will be forced to get back into a routine etc.. but I am just feeling so many different emotions and I cant deal with it all. I feel mad at him sometimes and then the next i am crying b/c I am going to miss him so much. I am tired of feeling sad but not sure how to get out of that funk

. I am sad that he cant really open up to me about how much he is going to miss me and how he is going to feel but at this point I am trying to understand. I guess my biggest thing is I don't know how he feels for me 100%. I meamn he tells me that he loves me but I just dont know sometimes- he seems distant and we have been arguing over silly stuff and damn ladies we should be having fun and enjoying eachother, but really all I want is to go home and be alone without him. I do love him very much but am soooo scared about all the NEW changes etc...

*MarineBug* · 11-20-2007, 06:04 PM

I have some good news for you.............EVERYTHING you are dealing with is SSSOOOO NORMAL! You are a living breathing humane being just like the rest of us!
When my husband was leaving I was left and right and up and down and alll over the damn place. I would cry for no reason I would be pissed for no reason and then I would cry because I was pissed over nothing. I was so anoyed with myslef! Hubs on the other hand went day by day like nothing was going to happen (this is pretty typical) us as woman want to have all of these moments where we confess out love to each other and make these never ending memories and all that good mushy stuff. We forget that men really arnt like that and it probably wont happen. It is important to express needs and wants with each other and share your fears. As long as he is listening thats a good thing and you should take it. Basicly welcome to the "my mans deploying with no emotion club" Hang in there. And one BIG thing I learned from my husband...I had to trust him that everything would be fine

GF4ID-Pacesetter · 11-20-2007, 06:08 PM

That is awesome advice. I don't like the club but I like having some many people in the club.

Makes me feel better. I know that this is going to test us and tell me where I stand with him and for that I am excited but also wishing that we already knew this about eachother. I guess the short amount of time is what is causing these issues for me. Any advice on that?

TallBlondie82 · 11-20-2007, 06:10 PM

hey hunny...i just started this whole 15 month deployment thing...and i was the exact same way...sooo emotional and anxious...

I was with db about 8 months before he left, and we are extremely close, but before he left we had a talk that while he was gone we were going to be 100% honest and open about everything that we were about to experience...this includes the happy times and the sad times (cause sometimes I have a hard time telling him when Im sad)...so far its been great...we have been getting along great and we have come across issues that we had to discuss and we worked right through them

I just think you and your db should have a talk about the same thing...just so you both are on the same page...and don't worry everything you are feeling is sooo normal...you will get through this!!!!

USNIwife · 11-20-2007, 06:22 PM

:bighug

IWwife · 11-20-2007, 09:03 PM

You know it is weird when DH deploys we always argue, I think it is easier to leave that way in a sense. It sucks b/c like 3 days later I feel like ****..
New relationship or not True Love is True Love...
Just keep up the high spirts and show him and let him know you Love him.

*MarineBug* · 11-20-2007, 09:16 PM

wel we only had 2 weeks notice and all that still applied to us. I really focused on so much else. We knew the time was coming but we didnt focus on it. He went to work everyday came home we would to the usual hang out with our neighbors make dinner go to bed all that. At the time also we were so busy...moving. But also we didnt get upset over anything. Like the night before he left we went to dinner with his family and came home and were just alone. He wanted to get up early and finish packing and drink coffee just like in the movies (-8 heehee well we slept through the alarm and ended up rushing around all orning and had to be there at 7! we just laughed about it though, There was nothing either one of us could do about it

68W-LVR · 11-20-2007, 09:22 PM

I know how you feel. He kept telling me he loved me and that everything was fine. I still can't figure out how he stayed so calm and acted like no big deal. We argued some, and I blame myself. Whenever we would argue, I lost, because then he just didn't want to talk. I was scared as hell that there was something wrong with our relationship until the day he got on the plane (yesterday). He knew things were bothering me and we spoke on the phone for probably 4 hours through out the day. His buddies were all playing cards and hanging out but he finally made time for me. They know what they're getting into and we have the unknown. The unknown can be a lot harder to deal with. Hang in there, because if people start falling apart on here, I'm in trouble because I'm relying on other people's strength. Sometimes I worry I wouldn't be able to make it if I had to do this all by myself.

lauren33 · 11-20-2007, 10:57 PM

oh i know exactly what all this is like, we ALL know what you are going through!!

me and DB have been dating almost 6 months, so we are a pretty new couple also but when DB left, the 3 or 4 weeks before he left we argued about the DUMBEST things! funny story...we were in florida at this beautiful ocean front hotel with his roomate and my friend, and db got mad at me for getting my face painted at the florida rest stop/visitor center. he said i was immature and he threw a fit and got even more mad that we were all laughing at him for getting so upset. it was silly and now we look back at it and laugh.

there were plenty of these stupid fights the month before he left. he was so stressed, i was overwhelmed with the whole thought of him being gone, we were a mess.

but we look back at all these stupid arguments we had and just laugh. when he calls me, i can always be like oh remember when we fought about....and we both can just be like oh my gosh we were so silly for fighting about that.

also after the first week or so of him being away, we BOTH realize how much we need and appreciate eachother. so maybe he will open up to you more once it kind of sets in to him that he will be away from you.

it really didnt feel like DB was going anywhere until it was time to say goodbye, even when he was packing his stuff i still didnt feel like he was going anywhere, kind of weird?

you'll make it through this! we are all in this together and we will get through it together!

Laughlotz7 · 11-21-2007, 09:17 PM

When my boyfriend left the first time, we had only been together for two months. When he left, I kid you not, I layed on the floor and kicked and screamed liek a child. Not one of my finer moments. AFter that though, I kind of came to terms with it. I had my ups and downs while he was away but I got through it. He's about to leave again and I'll probably kcik and scream alittle- haha- but things will be okay. It's true what they say- absence truley does make the heart grow fonder. Just know you're not a lone!!

11-20-2007, 05:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
GF4ID-Pacesetter Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 41 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 35%	Sad, Scared,Emotional Mess So I haven't posted in awhile but wanted to just express my feelings to people that can completely relate. So DB is leaving in 6 days for the dreaded 15 month deployment. So here is the issue. We are a new couple(dating about 3 months) and I am having a hard time with him just acting like this is no big deal ( his 1st deployment) and I feel like maybe this is his way of being a "man" and having pride. I have been so up and down lately. I am not so worried about when he leaves as I know I will be forced to get back into a routine etc.. but I am just feeling so many different emotions and I cant deal with it all. I feel mad at him sometimes and then the next i am crying b/c I am going to miss him so much. I am tired of feeling sad but not sure how to get out of that funk . I am sad that he cant really open up to me about how much he is going to miss me and how he is going to feel but at this point I am trying to understand. I guess my biggest thing is I don't know how he feels for me 100%. I meamn he tells me that he loves me but I just dont know sometimes- he seems distant and we have been arguing over silly stuff and damn ladies we should be having fun and enjoying eachother, but really all I want is to go home and be alone without him. I do love him very much but am soooo scared about all the NEW changes etc...

11-20-2007, 06:04 PM	#2 (permalink)
MarineBug KYLEY Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Me:SoCal DH:Afghanistan Stationed:Camp Pendleton Posts: 16,112 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (12) Activity: 48% Longevity: 34%	I have some good news for you.............EVERYTHING you are dealing with is SSSOOOO NORMAL! You are a living breathing humane being just like the rest of us! When my husband was leaving I was left and right and up and down and alll over the damn place. I would cry for no reason I would be pissed for no reason and then I would cry because I was pissed over nothing. I was so anoyed with myslef! Hubs on the other hand went day by day like nothing was going to happen (this is pretty typical) us as woman want to have all of these moments where we confess out love to each other and make these never ending memories and all that good mushy stuff. We forget that men really arnt like that and it probably wont happen. It is important to express needs and wants with each other and share your fears. As long as he is listening thats a good thing and you should take it. Basicly welcome to the "my mans deploying with no emotion club" Hang in there. And one BIG thing I learned from my husband...I had to trust him that everything would be fine __________________ Welcome Home

11-20-2007, 06:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
TallBlondie82 Im crazy, the good kind Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 21,307 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 61% Longevity: 37%	hey hunny...i just started this whole 15 month deployment thing...and i was the exact same way...sooo emotional and anxious... I was with db about 8 months before he left, and we are extremely close, but before he left we had a talk that while he was gone we were going to be 100% honest and open about everything that we were about to experience...this includes the happy times and the sad times (cause sometimes I have a hard time telling him when Im sad)...so far its been great...we have been getting along great and we have come across issues that we had to discuss and we worked right through them I just think you and your db should have a talk about the same thing...just so you both are on the same page...and don't worry everything you are feeling is sooo normal...you will get through this!!!! __________________ Slowly getting there

11-20-2007, 09:03 PM	#6 (permalink)
IWwife Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Ft. Gordon GA Posts: 195 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 35%	You know it is weird when DH deploys we always argue, I think it is easier to leave that way in a sense. It sucks b/c like 3 days later I feel like ****.. New relationship or not True Love is True Love... Just keep up the high spirts and show him and let him know you Love him. __________________

11-20-2007, 09:16 PM	#7 (permalink)
MarineBug KYLEY Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Me:SoCal DH:Afghanistan Stationed:Camp Pendleton Posts: 16,112 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (12) Activity: 48% Longevity: 34%	wel we only had 2 weeks notice and all that still applied to us. I really focused on so much else. We knew the time was coming but we didnt focus on it. He went to work everyday came home we would to the usual hang out with our neighbors make dinner go to bed all that. At the time also we were so busy...moving. But also we didnt get upset over anything. Like the night before he left we went to dinner with his family and came home and were just alone. He wanted to get up early and finish packing and drink coffee just like in the movies (-8 heehee well we slept through the alarm and ended up rushing around all orning and had to be there at 7! we just laughed about it though, There was nothing either one of us could do about it __________________ Welcome Home

About Us

MilitarySOS Shortcuts

MilitarySOS Help

About MilitarySOS

11-20-2007, 06:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
GF4ID-Pacesetter Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 41 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 35%	That is awesome advice. I don't like the club but I like having some many people in the club. Makes me feel better. I know that this is going to test us and tell me where I stand with him and for that I am excited but also wishing that we already knew this about eachother. I guess the short amount of time is what is causing these issues for me. Any advice on that?

11-20-2007, 09:22 PM	#8 (permalink)
68W-LVR Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Fort Lewis but I'm still in Ohio Posts: 923 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 34%	I know how you feel. He kept telling me he loved me and that everything was fine. I still can't figure out how he stayed so calm and acted like no big deal. We argued some, and I blame myself. Whenever we would argue, I lost, because then he just didn't want to talk. I was scared as hell that there was something wrong with our relationship until the day he got on the plane (yesterday). He knew things were bothering me and we spoke on the phone for probably 4 hours through out the day. His buddies were all playing cards and hanging out but he finally made time for me. They know what they're getting into and we have the unknown. The unknown can be a lot harder to deal with. Hang in there, because if people start falling apart on here, I'm in trouble because I'm relying on other people's strength. Sometimes I worry I wouldn't be able to make it if I had to do this all by myself.

11-20-2007, 10:57 PM	#9 (permalink)
lauren33 Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Cleveland,Ohio Posts: 396 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 35%	oh i know exactly what all this is like, we ALL know what you are going through!! me and DB have been dating almost 6 months, so we are a pretty new couple also but when DB left, the 3 or 4 weeks before he left we argued about the DUMBEST things! funny story...we were in florida at this beautiful ocean front hotel with his roomate and my friend, and db got mad at me for getting my face painted at the florida rest stop/visitor center. he said i was immature and he threw a fit and got even more mad that we were all laughing at him for getting so upset. it was silly and now we look back at it and laugh. there were plenty of these stupid fights the month before he left. he was so stressed, i was overwhelmed with the whole thought of him being gone, we were a mess. but we look back at all these stupid arguments we had and just laugh. when he calls me, i can always be like oh remember when we fought about....and we both can just be like oh my gosh we were so silly for fighting about that. also after the first week or so of him being away, we BOTH realize how much we need and appreciate eachother. so maybe he will open up to you more once it kind of sets in to him that he will be away from you. it really didnt feel like DB was going anywhere until it was time to say goodbye, even when he was packing his stuff i still didnt feel like he was going anywhere, kind of weird? you'll make it through this! we are all in this together and we will get through it together! __________________ "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the things you think you cannot do. " Eleanor Roosevelt

11-21-2007, 09:17 PM	#10 (permalink)
Laughlotz7 Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Raeford, NC Posts: 20 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 34%	When my boyfriend left the first time, we had only been together for two months. When he left, I kid you not, I layed on the floor and kicked and screamed liek a child. Not one of my finer moments. AFter that though, I kind of came to terms with it. I had my ups and downs while he was away but I got through it. He's about to leave again and I'll probably kcik and scream alittle- haha- but things will be okay. It's true what they say- absence truley does make the heart grow fonder. Just know you're not a lone!!