How did your SO act?

[pheena02]

My db leaves in less then a month. He just got home from 3 weeks training, and I thought that he would be really excited to see me, and I suppose he was, just didn't seem as excited as when we have been apart before. I also thought he would want to spend a lot of time together...but its almost the opposite like he is starting to withdrawl. How did your SO act right before a deployment? What other things should I expect?

Sometimes SOs will withdraw so that it is a little easier to say goodbye. DH and I tried not to do that, but I did withdraw a some. We didn't really have time to prepare (we found out a week before he was supposed to leave that he was deploying). I hope that things get better for you. I'm sorry I wasn't of much help but that is all I can think of.

[ArmyWifey21]

My Db and I went through the same exact situation, everything was fine before he left for training but when he came back he wasn't himself he would withdraw and he wouldnt wanna talk about how he was feeling, he just shut down, also at this time he had found out that he would be extended, so he had a tough time dealing with that...........me and DB had a rough pre-deployment, but its important to stay positive remind one another that you love them, and let him know your here for him, and he'll get it 2gether eventually,

[lauren33]

my DB and i made efforts to see eachother every weekend for about a month and a half before he left. he drove all the way from georgia to ohio, (a 12 hr drive) 2 weeks in a row! then i drove down there once and then i went with his sister the weekend he left. i couldnt believe he drove to see me so much! he kept getting 4 day weekends so he would just drive home thursday, drive back monday, and then drive back to see me AGAIN on thursday

he was stressed alot though so he got mad really easily and we fought about stupid stuff but now we look back and laugh!

[CristinaFaye]

My SO and I spent an amazing two weeks together after his training down in Fort Benning (Georgia). I was supposed to drive with him up to Fort Lewis (Washington) but couldn't get the time off of work. We were going crazy without each other and we made plans for me to move up there (I'm in North Carolina) after Christmas. Well the day after we found out he was deploying to Iraq immediately (because his unit was already out there) he stopped talking to me. Everyone says it's just a freak out. All I can say is give your SO the space he needs and the time he needs and stay hopeful that things will work out. I figure a love this strong has to make it. This way when we're old and grey we have a story to tell our grandchildren about how our love overcame all the obstacles.
"Obstacles are put in your way to see if what you want is worth fighting for." (I've been adding this quote to almost all my posts. I love it!)

[petsparkle]

It's very normal. When my DH and I first started with deployments, he did the same thing. He would withdraw or we would fight so it would be easier to be apart, etc. The reality that he's going is setting in. It's hard, particularly for a guy, to admit that he is going to be homesick, miss family and friends, etc. So it's easier for them to separate themselves from all of these emotional ties before they go. KWIM?

But, that doesn't mean he doesn't care for you. It's just a defense mechanism and he's probably totally unaware that he's doing it.

A couple of other things you'll experience are you'll go through a ton of emotions over the first month or so, anger, sadness, fear, love, etc. It is all normal. It takes a few weeks for you and him to learn how to communicate while he's gone. You'll probably get quite frustrated early on, but try not to let it get to you, and don't take it out on him. That will only result in him withdrawing further or getting angry and arguing back at you.

Just be patient. I know it's the toughest thing in the world to do, but try to give him his space while he's here and over there. Don't force your contact on him, but just gently remind him here and there that you are here and support him.

Sorry this is so long, we're into our 6th deployment and I wish someone had told me this stuff early on. It would have made the first few a lot easier!!

Hugs!!

[ScrawnyTauni]

Like a great big jerk. Honestly. He seemed really withdrawn, wanted to spend time playing video games or ****ing around in photo shop. Really hurt my feelings. Don't let him get away with it. I told my hubby that he needed to be done doing whatever he was doing by the time I came out of the bedroom(I packed a different section of my closest everyday. I have many sections.) or I would compromise by cuddling up with him while he played and I would read a book. There has got to be a halfway point.

[paisley1370]

right before.....he was super sweet. But all guys handleit differently. Mine was super weet and withfrew once he got over there...yours could be the oppisite.kwim

[RaMi]

we were LD for the few months b efore he left (NC to Cali) so we only saw each other about once a month when one of us would fly to the other. But he never really pulled away, but then again we werent up in each others faces all the time anyway since we only really had the phone/webcam. Maybe like the day or so before he left i noticed we didnt talk on the phone as much, but sine he's been gone it has been really great as far as communication is concerned (so far!). I do know though that he kind of stopped calling his mom as much as normal (they are really close and talked like everyday) becuase he was "trying to get her used to the limited contact slowly." So, i think those thoughts go through their minds for sure... they're anticipating it themselves and maybe want the people close to them to be "Ready" for it in some ways too

[BossLadyB]

dh leaves soon and we've been arguing about the littlest things...i'd rather spend as much time together as possible but he seems to be just the opposite