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Thread: I don't know how to handle his deployment.

  1. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
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    Aug 2009
    You are comparing yourself to people on reality shows, as though that makes you more credible, not less.

    Look, maybe he's everything he said he is. I hope for your sake he is. Maybe you can tell us why you are so sure. hearing him enter a base on the phone means zero. That's easily faked with a friend or a recording. You think that sounds silly, but again, this stiff happens all the time. Have you Skyped with I'm in uniform? Gotten email from a .mil email address? Met, in person, any of his family members? Anything that can't be easily faked? And then of course there is the fact that some scammers really are in the military, but they lie about their exact situation (or may be married, or whatever), so they can prove the military part and still be cat fishing. It sucks to have to think about it. But it would suck even more to not protect yourself and not think about it, and get even more invested emotionally (and in some cases financially--has he ever asked for money?) and have it all turn out to be an act later on. If you are so sure he's real, ask him to send you an email from his .mil account. If he's real, what's the harm? Any many who loves you is going to understand your need to feel safe, and won't take it personally that you are protecting yourself. It's one email. if your relationship is serious enough, there's no good reason he wouldn't want to do that. And no reason at all he wouldn't be able to. Again, what's the harm. If you are so sure he's legit, why would you hesitate? We aren't attacking him. We are supporting you by making sure you aren't in a really bad situation. We are offering advice as people who understand military logistics and lingo (and know that what he's told you makes zero sense) and people who have seen many other posters who, just like you, swore up and down that their guy was amazing and that they knew and loved him and could trust him. And then they ended up being catfished. Most of them could have written exactly wha thou have about their faith and love and trust. And they were wrong. It sucks to think about it, but you need to protect yourself. So do a little digging. Why not? What *bad* could come of it? If you are afraid to dig, it means you are afraid there could be something there, which is all the more reason to look. If you aren't afraid, then just do it, get your proof, and never have to think about it again. No one is saying he *is* a scammer. We are saying it sounds fishy, and that it is worthwhile to confirm things. That's all.

    Support doesn't always come in the form we hoped for, or what we want to hear. It doesn't even always directly address the topic we ask for. If a drunk friend asked for driving directions, you'd probably instead tell her not to drive, even though that's not what she asked. If a friend wearing two different shoes asks you which eating go best with her outfit, you are going to tell her her shoes don't match, even though that's not an answer to her direct question. And if a friend is in a relationship that looks possibly sketchy, you are going to tell her that, even if she's asking for deployment advice. We are treating you like a friend. I understand wanting to defend this man you love. I truly hope he's worth of that love and that defense. We want a good outcome for you. We just want you to be careful. There's a few easy things you can do to get rid of 98% of the chance he's a scammer. So do them, and then you can cross if off your mental list and never think about it again. Relying on your heart to detect a scammer is naive, and it sets you up to be hurt badly, as so many in your exact shoes have been in the past. And when it's easy to avoid that, there's no reason not to.

    Again, the stuff he's saying makes zero sense. If the topic of presidents came up as part of the election, then it seems he was referring to the president of the United States. That has absolutely, positively zero bearing on the length of a deployment. None. it does not. Under any circumstances. Period and full stop. Likewise, an 18 month deployment is not something that would be planned. Ever (in the current Navy). There is like a .001% chance it could happen, but NEVER because it was planned. It the ship that was supposed to relieve them broke and couldn't make it out or something, that's where that .001 chance comes in. But it would not be planned that way.

    So, these things, if he said then to you, are lies. Maybe they are misunderstandings on your part, but don't be so quick to dismiss your ability to understand what he says. Give yourself more credit than that. Like I said, if he loves you, he'll understand and respect your need to confirm a few things. If he gets upset about these simple requests, he's either a scammer (almost certainly that would be the reason for him to refuse and/or to try and lash out at you to get you to back off), or he's a jerk who doesn't approve of you begin sensible and looking out for you well-being. Both of those are reasons to reevaluate. But hopefully he will happily Skype with in full uniform (not just something that looks like camouflage, by the way) and to send you an email from an account that is some form of his name and ends in .mil (you can assure him you won't ever use that address for person stuff if he's concerned about that), and you can then proceed, knowing you have done the smart, mature thing by using your head,and not just your heart. That's all.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  2. Senior Member
    PaUSMC's Avatar
    PaUSMC is offline
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    Mar 2016
    OP- You are the only one who really knows your relationship. Everyone else is an outsider offering advice based on what you shared. There is a learning curve understanding the lingo and processes, DB still has to explain things to me all the time. Maybe you mean he has 18 months left on his enlistment rather than deployment. For what its worth, I have only skyped with DB while he was in uniform maybe a handful of times in 8 years and he has never sent me an email from his .mil account. Everyone has their heart in the right place with their advice, it is too common to see people being taken advantage of. Like everything in life, be aware and cautious and when something just doesn't seem right, it probably isn't.
  3. Old Newbie
    Ysholta's Avatar
    Ysholta is offline
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    May 2016
    I'm so sorry you're going without seeing the love of your life for so long!! It always really sucks. The way you talk about your relationship reminds me a lot of how mine was with my husband before we got married. Of the 6-7 years I knew him/dated him, I actually met him only ONCE!! After that, we were finally able to be closer together and see each other often. (I met him online and he was in Germany for 2 years when he enlisted into the army.) For the time we weren't together, I was in school (highschool-college). I think while your significant other is away in South Dakota, you should use this chance to really explore your hobbies, talents, interests, ect. Even if you might not want it, this is your "me" time. Even though I was in school, making art and reading books helped me a lot. But above all, keep in really good contact with him. Being able to talk to him and knowing how things are going over where he is now will help you feel like you're still a part of his life. (For suggestions in keeping contact: Skype (video chatting and having it installed on your phones), any online social media (Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram-- so you both have things to look at of each other while you can't talk to each other), and of course just plain old phone calls and texts!

    I hope you don't get too down on yourself. Every day will be hard, I'm sure, but just know that it won't last for long and you both will be able to make a life together soon! By the way, It's very selfless of you to be okay with him re-enlisting. It shows that you really care about him and will stand by him no matter what. (You should make sure to remind him of how lucky he is to have you. )
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