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Thread: How parents can halt bullying... **possible trigger warning**

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    #1

    How parents can halt bullying... **possible trigger warning**

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    Bullying: What parents can do to stop it - CNN.com

    There is just so much in this article that just bothers me.

    The thing I agree with or stands out for me is the lackadaisical attitude of the schools. In my experience it has almost always been 'it wasn't a big deal' or 'just ignore it', etc. I also can't tell you how many times my kids (or kids I know) have been deemed at fault for getting bullied. They were the ones called into the office and chastised, and considered the cause instead of the victim, and the bully just runs around unharmed.

    I disagree with parents having to 'find out if their child truly was bullied', but I do agree parents need to be more forceful and go all the way up the chain.

    IMO, the Schools need to be responsible for controlling bullying in the school and not be so 'blase' about it all. If a child reports being bullied they need to investigate, not say 'oh, it wasn't a big deal now run along'...

    What parents should do... teach their children about bullying.. teach their children to treat all children equal and the same. If a parent finds out their kid is the bully, or has been named as a bully... instead of not believing it and going all crazy defending their child's innocence, they should talk to their child and find out what they did, talk to the school, something so their child understands what harm their actions (if any) have done.

    Bullying tweaks my hide.. I get so tired of the victim getting blamed and nothing happening to the bully.. or their parents.

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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by TrishAFSpouse View Post
    Bullying: What parents can do to stop it - CNN.com

    There is just so much in this article that just bothers me.

    The thing I agree with or stands out for me is the lackadaisical attitude of the schools. In my experience it has almost always been 'it wasn't a big deal' or 'just ignore it', etc. I also can't tell you how many times my kids (or kids I know) have been deemed at fault for getting bullied. They were the ones called into the office and chastised, and considered the cause instead of the victim, and the bully just runs around unharmed.

    I disagree with parents having to 'find out if their child truly was bullied', but I do agree parents need to be more forceful and go all the way up the chain.

    IMO, the Schools need to be responsible for controlling bullying in the school and not be so 'blase' about it all. If a child reports being bullied they need to investigate, not say 'oh, it wasn't a big deal now run along'...

    What parents should do... teach their children about bullying.. teach their children to treat all children equal and the same. If a parent finds out their kid is the bully, or has been named as a bully... instead of not believing it and going all crazy defending their child's innocence, they should talk to their child and find out what they did, talk to the school, something so their child understands what harm their actions (if any) have done.

    Bullying tweaks my hide.. I get so tired of the victim getting blamed and nothing happening to the bully.. or their parents.
    And there is a lot of bullying and forms of bullying which really isn't a big deal, or is not the "fault" of the bullier. In some ways, we have become to sensitive. If a kid is always picked last to be on a baseball team, the kid may feel bullied, but do we force the other kids to treat this one special, and "pick him early so as not to hurt his feelings."

    I think the ideas behind bullying have changed drastically over the years, and like a lot of other things about child rearing, were wrong. The idea that bullies have low self esteem, and that if you stand up to a bully they will back down, etc, have all been dis-proven.
    But it is getting to the point that if a group does not want to play with a play with a certain student, that is "bullying."

    I skimmed the article and couldn't get through half the crap. The idea that they are going to create a school that is free of bullying? A fantasy that will do more damage than help.
    If you eliminate all physical bullying, then name calling becomes bullying. If you eliminate name calling, than not befriending someone is bullying. If you eliminate that, then not being assertive in your niceness becomes bullying. A teacher failing a student becomes bullying. So teachers don't fail anyone. So D's become the new f, and the new bullying, very soon, every student is an a student, because we are scared to offend or hurt a child's feelings. (extend this analogy to forms of "bullying."

    You can't force everyone to be freinds, you can't force everyone to be nice to each other. You CAN teach your children that not everyone is the same, that some people are assholes, that not everyone is going to treat them like a wonderful angel.

    Now schools want to monitor kids social media accounts. They want to punish children for saying mean things about a teacher online, outside of school. Next, schools are going to want to read all students emails and texts, and monitor their lives 24/7 to "eliminate bullying." (links to most of this actually happening available.)

    I am not for blaming the victim. I am for making sure there really is a victim, and that it is not something that the child could have handled him or her self.

    And I think what the mom did by posting the video is more abusive than anything a fellow student could have done. It was breaching a trust, it was violating something we try to teach all kids these days (once something is online, it is out there, and will be there forever. And it is humilating to the child now, and possibly in the future.
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    I do agree that there is over sensitivity to bullying.
    I also agree that a kid getting picked last for the kickball team is NOT bullying. And I do also agree that there needs to be proof that bullying did actually occur.
    I wasn't really referencing that. I was more referencing the cases that there was actual bullying. I have seen it far too often where a child was in fact bullied, they were called to the office asked what they did to provoke the bullying. And they were in so much told to 'suck it up' and move on. That's the crap I'm talking about.

    That happens more often than not. In my experience, the 'feelings getting hurt because Nancy won't be friend' type of bullying doesn't occur very often. It is most often name calling, hitting, throwing books on the ground, flicking finger in the head, etc. Basically getting a child to the point that they don't even want to leave the house. That is the stuff that needs to be taken care of. And for a school to suggest the victim caused it, is ludicrous.

    I also think schools should take emotional abuse as a form of bullying. Kids are learning more and more that if they just name call, or use their mouth to bully they won't get in trouble. Many schools (for sure the ones we've been at) only view bullying as a physical act. A child that hits or does physical action to another is the only thing they consider bullying. They do not consider excessive name calling or emotional abuse as any form of bullying.

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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by TrishAFSpouse View Post
    I do agree that there is over sensitivity to bullying.
    I also agree that a kid getting picked last for the kickball team is NOT bullying. And I do also agree that there needs to be proof that bullying did actually occur.
    I wasn't really referencing that. I was more referencing the cases that there was actual bullying. I have seen it far too often where a child was in fact bullied, they were called to the office asked what they did to provoke the bullying. And they were in so much told to 'suck it up' and move on. That's the crap I'm talking about.

    That happens more often than not. In my experience, the 'feelings getting hurt because Nancy won't be friend' type of bullying doesn't occur very often. It is most often name calling, hitting, throwing books on the ground, flicking finger in the head, etc. Basically getting a child to the point that they don't even want to leave the house. That is the stuff that needs to be taken care of. And for a school to suggest the victim caused it, is ludicrous.

    I also think schools should take emotional abuse as a form of bullying. Kids are learning more and more that if they just name call, or use their mouth to bully they won't get in trouble. Many schools (for sure the ones we've been at) only view bullying as a physical act. A child that hits or does physical action to another is the only thing they consider bullying. They do not consider excessive name calling or emotional abuse as any form of bullying.
    limiting it to what you are talking about, I agree. As for name calling, I mean, what are you going to do? tell children that they have to be nice to each other? That their free speech rights are even more limited?
    Yes, you need to teach the name caller why its wrong, but you also need to teach the kid who is being teased how to handle it. Because when he or she grows up, real life is going to be a shock.
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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    limiting it to what you are talking about, I agree. As for name calling, I mean, what are you going to do? tell children that they have to be nice to each other? That their free speech rights are even more limited?
    Yes, you need to teach the name caller why its wrong, but you also need to teach the kid who is being teased how to handle it. Because when he or she grows up, real life is going to be a shock.
    I can agree with a teachable moment vs punishment (in regards to name calling). But a child can only be called fat, or ugly, or stupid, etc so many times before it becomes destructive. At what point do we determine its too much? At what point does the bully get reprimanded (or taught)? Do we wait until the victim kills themselves? do we wait until the victim goes on some sort of rampage? While yes those bullies have free speech, they need to be taught right from wrong.

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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    limiting it to what you are talking about, I agree. As for name calling, I mean, what are you going to do? tell children that they have to be nice to each other? That their free speech rights are even more limited?
    Yes, you need to teach the name caller why its wrong, but you also need to teach the kid who is being teased how to handle it. Because when he or she grows up, real life is going to be a shock.
    Isn't the bolded just teaching your kids to treat people respectfully? I don't think that's limiting their free speech rights, it's raising your kid to not be an obnoxious asshole.

    As for the article in general, I couldn't even read it all the way without my pulse racing and my head spinning. The principal saying that you should find out whether your kid was really bullied or not.... what's the official measurement for bullying? If your kid's emotional well-being is suffering at school, something, anything needs to be done, regardless of whether not bullying is involved. It could be something as simple as helping your child learn how to play sports better so he or she doesn't feel embarrassed and may not get "picked last as much". The one other thing that bothers me is the victim blaming that happened to the child in the article. It's just so infuriating to hear about, having experienced it for all of middle school.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarahcuda View Post
    Isn't the bolded just teaching your kids to treat people respectfully? I don't think that's limiting their free speech rights, it's raising your kid to not be an obnoxious asshole.

    As for the article in general, I couldn't even read it all the way without my pulse racing and my head spinning. The principal saying that you should find out whether your kid was really bullied or not.... what's the official measurement for bullying? If your kid's emotional well-being is suffering at school, something, anything needs to be done, regardless of whether not bullying is involved. It could be something as simple as helping your child learn how to play sports better so he or she doesn't feel embarrassed and may not get "picked last as much". The one other thing that bothers me is the victim blaming that happened to the child in the article. It's just so infuriating to hear about, having experienced it for all of middle school.
    Exactly.

    So much of what you say here are my thoughts. The victim blaming is infuriating and their whole 'was your kid really bullied' was just... ugh.

    I think parents should play a part, but I don't think they should have to go around proving their child was bullied. I also don't think parents of a bully should just brush it under the rug. They should take that moment to realize their kid is an asshole and fix it. No kid should be allowed to go about willy nilly doing whatever they want. They can do that as an adult and pay the price then.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarahcuda View Post
    Isn't the bolded just teaching your kids to treat people respectfully? I don't think that's limiting their free speech rights, it's raising your kid to not be an obnoxious asshole.

    As for the article in general, I couldn't even read it all the way without my pulse racing and my head spinning. The principal saying that you should find out whether your kid was really bullied or not.... what's the official measurement for bullying? If your kid's emotional well-being is suffering at school, something, anything needs to be done, regardless of whether not bullying is involved. It could be something as simple as helping your child learn how to play sports better so he or she doesn't feel embarrassed and may not get "picked last as much". The one other thing that bothers me is the victim blaming that happened to the child in the article. It's just so infuriating to hear about, having experienced it for all of middle school.
    I am all for teaching your children respect. But to punish or penalize a child who does not show respect?

    And for the bolded, that was my issue in my original post. What qualifies as "real bullying?" If a teacher calls out a student for not being respectful, that can be "real bullying" because that student has been embarrassed in front of his classmates.
    Holding a student back for poor grades in some classes absolutely can harm him emotionally. that meets your definition of bullying. Yes, there is a problem. But it needs to be intelligently defined. And often, the parents and administrators are NOT the ones to define it.
    There was a survey a year or so ago, They asked students whether they ever felt bullied. Most of them said no. When they were asked about whether specific incidences ever happened to them. Many said yes. These specific indidences were defined as bullying. The result were that adults believed that kids were being bullied, even though those kids did not identify as being bullied.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    I am all for teaching your children respect. But to punish or penalize a child who does not show respect?

    And for the bolded, that was my issue in my original post. What qualifies as "real bullying?" If a teacher calls out a student for not being respectful, that can be "real bullying" because that student has been embarrassed in front of his classmates.
    Holding a student back for poor grades in some classes absolutely can harm him emotionally. that meets your definition of bullying. Yes, there is a problem. But it needs to be intelligently defined. And often, the parents and administrators are NOT the ones to define it.
    There was a survey a year or so ago, They asked students whether they ever felt bullied. Most of them said no. When they were asked about whether specific incidences ever happened to them. Many said yes. These specific indidences were defined as bullying. The result were that adults believed that kids were being bullied, even though those kids did not identify as being bullied.
    And I wouldn't define those incidents as bullying.. a teacher failing a student, or a teacher calling out a student for being disrepectful, are not forms of bullying.
    A student getting harrassed constantly and being called names, that's is bullying. A student/child getting physically assaulted for no apparent reason other than just because, is bullying.

    Not being chosen for a team, being held back, being called out for being an asshole.. those are not bullying (IMO). Teachable moments, yes.. but not bullying. At least not in the sense I would define it when it comes to controlling it in schools.

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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by TrishAFSpouse View Post
    I can agree with a teachable moment vs punishment (in regards to name calling). But a child can only be called fat, or ugly, or stupid, etc so many times before it becomes destructive. At what point do we determine its too much? At what point does the bully get reprimanded (or taught)? Do we wait until the victim kills themselves? do we wait until the victim goes on some sort of rampage? While yes those bullies have free speech, they need to be taught right from wrong.
    Our community just dealt with a 12 year old (12 years old!), who killed herself, due to bullying. Now, the schools are scrambling to do all this bully prevention stuff.

    I'm so torn on this subject. I think kids need to be respectful of each other. But, in real life, that doesn't always happen. I think that the term bullying is thrown around too much too. I definitely agree that there needs to be some sort of discipline for a bully. But, not everything is bullying. No one should be harassed, physically or emotionally. Sometimes, kids are just jerks though. Just like some adults are just jerks. Doesn't make it okay, but doesn't always label them as a bully either.
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