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Thread: Does giving up what you are being bullied for, mean a bully wins?

  1. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
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    #1

    Does giving up what you are being bullied for, mean a bully wins?

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    I put this in debates because its a bullying topic.

    I was overhearing a conversation here and it had me curious.

    The conversation (I believe) was in reference to an article about a boy who brought a girlish backpack to school. The boy is being bullied and he was told to just not bring the bag to school, to avoid getting bullied.

    So, this got me thinking. Do you think its best to just 'give in' to the bullies by not bringing the bag, allowing them to win?
    Do you think its better to just be yourself and continue to bring the bag and 'face up' to the bullies, not allowing them to win?
    Do you think the school was wrong in their suggestion, do you think they should have punished the bullies for being mean to the boy?

    Any other thoughts?

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  2. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
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    #2
    For me, since I've dealt with bullying my whole life, I think its best to just be yourself. Continue to bring the back and face those bullies head on. If they see they don't affect you, eventually they will go away.

    I also feel the school should do more. Instead of telling the boy to just not bring the bag, they should do more harm to the bullies to get them to stop. Obviously they know about it. Bullying is a subject among schools that just pisses me off. It seems like administrators/teachers are afraid of bullies (and their parents) and don't want to deal with it as they should.

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    #3
    I mean I guess that's kind of a rock and a hard place thing...it makes sense to just eliminate what you're being teased for if you can. But if the kid really likes the bag then he should continue to use it and just not let what they have to say bother him.

    Either way the bullies should be talked too about bullying and if it continues then punished.


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    #4
    I don't think it is always best to give in, but I don't necessarily think that giving in is always letting them win (depending on how you define that), or that giving in is always bad.

    In the end, allowing the bullies to dictate your decisions isn't best. But to decide that what is best for me is to ditch that backpack because it isn't worth the grief is a decision I make for myself and my own peace and comfort. Standing firm and enduring bullying when I don't really care that much about the backpack, just so they don't "win", is letting them dictate my choices, and is making choices based on how others perceive them, rather than on what I actually want.

    Now I do think that the school should have punished the bullies. Absolutely. Suggesting a new back pack may or may not be acceptable, depending on how it was done. If it was presented as something the boy might consider, I don't really have a problem with it. But the bullies punishment should have happened regardless of his choice, and I don't think he should have been pressured in any way to get a new bag, so if it went beyond a casual, one time suggestion as something to think about then I think it was out of line.
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    #5
    villanelle, you said more eloquently what i was getting at.

    When a bully dictates the decisions, or allowing a bully to dictate isn't good. That's wrong. The minute anyone (of any age) changes because of bullies or others, that's a problem (IMO). I do agree that standing firm just to spite or make a statement isn't exactly the best decision either. But if its something I care about, I will stand firm and not change (if that makes sense).

    in the case of this boy, how old is old enough to know if they decision they are making is one they want, or one that is influenced by others (bully, parent, teacher, etc). We don't know if he was pressured to give the bag up, or if he was told to without any regard to his feelings on it or the like. (I don't have the article).

    Overall, the decisions we make should be our own decisions, and not done because someone told us to. We can consider the thoughts and suggestions of others in our decision, but ultimately it should be a decision that we want.

    In the case of bullying, the minute a bully dictates what you decide, they have won (IMO).

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    #6
    I think each time you give in to a bully's demand, you give up a little more of yourself. And then eventually you have nothing left to give. At some point, "giving in" becomes the default. After that, all you have left is a broken person. And that is how Columbine and other school shootings have come to be.
    And this does not just apply in the kid at school situation, but all through life.
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    #7
    Whoever you overheard must listen to the same morning radio show that I do.

    Here's the story of the 9 year old boy Trish is talking about: School Bully Concerns - WLOS News13 - Top Stories

    ...and a Facebook page made to support him: https://www.facebook.com/SupportGrayson

    I'm not sure how I feel about whether the bully wins. Like someone else said, bullies are going to exist and the bullying will occur regardless if he brings the bag. It's a shame that it happens and that the school doesn't seem to be taking more action.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    I think each time you give in to a bully's demand, you give up a little more of yourself. And then eventually you have nothing left to give. At some point, "giving in" becomes the default. After that, all you have left is a broken person. And that is how Columbine and other school shootings have come to be.
    And this does not just apply in the kid at school situation, but all through life.
    Totally agree with this.
    The more you give in, the less you stay true yourself, and that becomes an endless cycle, often resulting in suicide or (as you said) school shootings or the like.
    And yes, this applies to all ages, not just kids in school.

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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by TrishAFSpouse View Post
    villanelle, you said more eloquently what i was getting at.

    When a bully dictates the decisions, or allowing a bully to dictate isn't good. That's wrong. The minute anyone (of any age) changes because of bullies or others, that's a problem (IMO). I do agree that standing firm just to spite or make a statement isn't exactly the best decision either. But if its something I care about, I will stand firm and not change (if that makes sense).

    in the case of this boy, how old is old enough to know if they decision they are making is one they want, or one that is influenced by others (bully, parent, teacher, etc). We don't know if he was pressured to give the bag up, or if he was told to without any regard to his feelings on it or the like. (I don't have the article).

    Overall, the decisions we make should be our own decisions, and not done because someone told us to. We can consider the thoughts and suggestions of others in our decision, but ultimately it should be a decision that we want.

    In the case of bullying, the minute a bully dictates what you decide, they have won (IMO).


    Bullies get their power out of having an effect on you. If you truly want to stop doing something/wearing something for your own reasons, that's one thing, but bullies will always find something else to pick on. Their persistence is what makes them awful.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Enthused Meerkat View Post
    Whoever you overheard must listen to the same morning radio show that I do.

    Here's the story of the 9 year old boy Trish is talking about: School Bully Concerns - WLOS News13 - Top Stories

    ...and a Facebook page made to support him: https://www.facebook.com/SupportGrayson

    I'm not sure how I feel about whether the bully wins. Like someone else said, bullies are going to exist and the bullying will occur regardless if he brings the bag. It's a shame that it happens and that the school doesn't seem to be taking more action.
    This is the facebook made by his parents: https://www.facebook.com/SupportForGrayson
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